There are threads beyond counting about "how one should tell one's wife." This is not about that.

A recent "talk" thread and some of the responses to it made realize that there is too much arguing about the wrong thing. So, indulge me a moment ...

I joined this site almost 4 years ago. WHY did I even join? I had been in the closet for decades and then one day I have to join this site? Clearly there was something missing for me. Simply living in the closet was not working. But why?

In a scant 45 days or so after joining, I came out to my wife. Now, did I get caught in the euphoria? Did I succumb to peer pressure? Both these notions have been proposed in the "talk" thread I referenced at the start. I was fortunate to be friended by a member here, Amanda22, who had come out recently to her wife. Was I caught up in Mandy's euphoria? Did Mandy pressure me into it? I mean I went from closet to full disclosure in a very short time. What possible reason could I have to make that leap? Now the answer is clear and I think for all those who come out it is equally clear: I wanted to. There was no euphoria. There was no peer pressure. I was ready but couldn't express it. By finding this site, I was unconsciously mapping my outing. By chatting with Mandy I was finding the words.

I think the same is true for all those who come out. So much arguing about honestly but that is self serving. Honesty IS the best policy but that is simply a side benefit. I NEEDED to tell. I was a pressure cooker waiting to blow. I didn't suddenly learn what honesty is. I had a need. I like to think that it was becuase I couldn't lie to my wife any longer. Maybe that was a part of it but my need was preeminent. I think all of us who come out have this need. Whatever perceived dangers there are in the outing, they pale next to the need. But here's the real problem: the pressure that builds prior to coming out changes you, for the worse.

So, to those who want to come out, you will. When is the right time? As soon as you need to.