Thinking you are gay and thinking you may want to become a woman are the first thoughts most wives have when we "come out". You have to reassure them with your words and with your actions.
Trying to take crossdressing into the bedroom is a big mistake. Perhaps you can do it once she gets used you seeing you dressed as a woman, perhaps not. o it on her timetable, not yours. Many women will never accept this and that's understandable. If you were not a crossdresser, how would you react if your wife wanted to put on a fake beard and mustache, bind her breasts, strap on a ***** and get in bed with you?
