Are you attracted to men while cd?

[melissacd]

Perhaps mine is a strange case, perhaps more normal than I suppose.

I am not attracted to men whether in male mode or in femme mode. Of that I am 100% sure. I do, however, fantasize about being with a man sexually. I cannot figure that one out, it is one for Freud I suppose, but let us proceed.

During my 25 year long term relationship that ended in Feb 2007 I was never unfaithful to my ex (who is a woman). Up to that point I had also never had any sexual experience with a male, in fact I had only had sex with two women, my ex and my first wife.

Since my split, I decided that I would finally find out how I really felt about my fantasy of having sex with males. Practicing safe sex of course, I had to know and so I tried it out three times, once with a cross dresser and twice with two different men. All of the experiences were a bust, while I enjoyed their company as fellow human beings, sexually it did nothing for me.

So here comes the weird part, I still fantasize about being dressed as a woman and having sex with males. In fact I continued to post at various sites with various configurations of fantasy. I figure that I must have blown a fuse in my brain wiring because it makes no sense to me that I would now have had three experiences that showed me I don't enjoy it and I am totally not attracted to men, I am only attracted to women and yet I would continue to fantasize about it and continue to have profiles regarding these types of relationships.

It took a big kick in the butt by a someone on this board whom is very dear to me to finally realize the insanity of my thinking and behaviour. I have pulled down all of the profiles except ones that are about CD (platonic) friendship and have stopped all these silly behaviours. Some fantasies are best left alone, left to the realm of fantasy.

I also realize that I have gone through a lot of major events in the last few years that have completely warped and twisted my mind in ways that have made me behave in ways that I never would have before (the death of my father, uncle, father-in-law and best friend, the end of a 25 year marital relationship and the emergence of my cross dressing and losing my job - all in the span of a couple of years). I am only now starting to regain my sanity though I suspect some therapy is in order too.

So I suppose technically speaking, by virtue of having tried this I guess I am/was bi-sexual. At least I know that the reality does not live up to the fantasy and that sexually I only enjoy being with women.

So the long answer is no...and now I know from experience the answer is still ... no.

Huggs
Melissa

[CaptLex]

Perhaps mine is a strange case, perhaps more normal than I suppose.

I am not attracted to men whether in male mode or in femme mode. Of that I am 100% sure. I do, however, fantasize about being with a man sexually. I cannot figure that one out, it is one for Freud I suppose . . . I am only now starting to regain my sanity though I suspect some therapy is in order too.

Take it from me, Melissa, lots of people fantasize about stuff they wouldn't really want to happen in RL. You're not nuts. I think it's good that you tried it out and now know what you want and don't want, but don't worry too much about the fantasies - sometimes the mind just likes to play.

[Tina Dixon]

Do you think if I dress like a fresh water dolphin, I'll be attracted to other dolphins? Seriously.. clothes don't make you do anything, they are just garments... it's all in your head, so if you are attracted to males when dressed, then you are either bi or gay... it's not rocket science!!!

I would want do phinyou if your dressed like a dolphin

[melissacd]

Take it from me, Melissa, lots of people fantasize about stuff they wouldn't really want to happen in RL. You're not nuts. I think it's good that you tried it out and now know what you want and don't want, but don't worry too much about the fantasies - sometimes the mind just likes to play.

Sometimes I feel like I am losing it, however, thanks very much for your kind words.

Huggs
Melissa

[Elizabeth Ann]

Do you think if I dress like a fresh water dolphin, I'll be attracted to other dolphins? Seriously.. clothes don't make you do anything, they are just garments... it's all in your head, so if you are attracted to males when dressed, then you are either bi or gay... it's not rocket science!!!

The thing that bothers me most about this forum are the many statements of absolute, categorical, religiously intense, Truth. You would think that members of this group would be tolerant of a little ambiguity.

In this case, the argument seems to be that we are immune to external stimuli, and that our identity is defined only by what's "all in your head."

Leaving aside the question of why we would then even want to wear women's clothes, there are myriad psychological, sociological, and anthropological studies and experiments that show that people are profoundly affected by their surroundings and by how they interact with others. I imagine all of us have those moments when we look back and ask, "What was I thinking?"

I personally believe (with a bit of agnosticism) that human beings are social creatures, and that who we are is less static, and less under our control, that it might seem. I think most parents would agree.

Elizabeth

[Angela Burke]

"Tamara the freshwater dolphin"

Are you listening Disney?

EEK! EEK! EEEKITY-EEK!

[janie2261]

Yes!!!

Clothes have a lot to do with the roles we play in society. Cross-dressing is a way to play a different role.

I believe we are all inherently bisexual to some extent, although it is repressed in most people. Cross-dressing can be a safety-valve that allows us to feel and express something we would otherwise deny.

I have a sexual attraction to men, but only in the role of female. I find gay culture unappealing and I am not attracted to me while in the role of a man. It seems yucky!

Go figure! Sounds like others on this list have experienced similar feelings.

[kaitlin]

Hi Dianarg, I must first admit that I have never been with another male. I have however been bi curious for a while, and extremely attracted to some of the CD's I have seen on here. I'm not overly turned on by a male even the very well built ones, but a well done CD will get my attention every time. Hopefully one day I'll get to attend a CD event and be able to talk with and share with others and all these thoughts and feeling will make sense. Luvs Kaitlin

[RuthieER]

I was beginning to be attracted to men about the same time I discovered crossdressing, and for a long time I wanted to make love with a man "as a man" just about as much as "as a woman". But gradually, as my CD desires grew ever stronger, I found I only wanted to be with a man "as a woman". I am bisexual, and sometimes want to be with a woman while en femme, but in a submissive role. I prefer sex en femme to sex as a guy, and prefer men to women for "just sex". For emotional relationships, I prefer women. My ideal lover would be another bisexual crossdresser, but who is primarily dominant.

Ruthie

[dianarg]

At first it seems that an educated choice is the best answer, and trust me, I tried to make heads and tails out of this. But the fact remains the same, feelings play a major role in this attraction, and that overrides most logic thought.

[dianarg]

I was beginning to be attracted to men about the same time I discovered crossdressing, and for a long time I wanted to make love with a man "as a man" just about as much as "as a woman". But gradually, as my CD desires grew ever stronger, I found I only wanted to be with a man "as a woman". I am bisexual, and sometimes want to be with a woman while en femme, but in a submissive role. I prefer sex en femme to sex as a guy, and prefer men to women for "just sex". For emotional relationships, I prefer women. My ideal lover would be another bisexual crossdresser, but who is primarily dominant.

Ruthie

Submission has a lot to do with it. There are also "tides" in cding, and usually the attraction to men follows the same pattern, so there is no doubt about the relation between the two.

[Deborah Jane]

I,m never attracted to men either in drab or en femme. Sorry the male body does nothing for me personally!! I think i can understand others being attracted, but it,s just not for me. I adore women, so much so i try to emulate how they look. If i,d have been born female no doubt i,d have been a lesbian. No doubt if i had been born a dolphin, i,d have been a lesbian dolphin

[dianarg]

I'm glad I'm not alone in this. I felt the strong urge to be with a particular man last time I went out dressed and I have thought of him often since then (but only when dressed en femme). Shoulda at least tried to score some digits.

I did it, and I don't regret it at all, not now anyway.

[SuzyZahn]

OMG YES,,,Funny how that happens,,,hmmm,,,anyways,,probably really have a guilt trip if anything ever happened ,,the following day,,,

[dianarg]

OMG YES,,,Funny how that happens,,,hmmm,,,anyways,,probably really have a guilt trip if anything ever happened ,,the following day,,,

Yeah... the first time the guilt trip was so bad, that I seriously considered suicide. Anyway, after a while I just said "why not?"

[DonnaT]

In a word, no.

I'm not attracted to other women either. I've only ever been attracted to women, and once I got married 32 yrs ago, have not had any attraction towards anyone else. And I've only ever had sex with my wife.

That said:

It's a common suggestion that the our sexual orientation is separate and distinct from our gender identity. Seems that for many, this is true, or at least appears true. But for many, they seem to be closely linked. I reckon there are no absolutes in this world. As many of us have concluded, our brains a wired in many mysterious ways.

For the transgendered, there are many variations of this gender identity. I imagine there can be as many variations on sexual orientation as well.

That said, we live in a society that believes in only two genders, man or woman. Even the intersexed are considered to be either a man or a woman, when they clearly have, for the most part, characteristics of both sexes.

That same society, for the most part, also has three definitions for sexual orientation, heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. Thus they leave out, for example, the asexual.

Thus, labels limit our perceptions. People need to be open to the numerous possibilities that possibly exist.

Now, to another question:

Why do you--a man wanting to be or to dress as or to pass for a woman (even if you rarely do so in actual fact)--call yourself heterosexual rather than homosexual in regards to your love for women?

Because, given the limitations of labels on gender and sexual orientation, then I have to say I am a man, no matter how I dress, and there is no other "label" to choose from.

Maybe, choosing from the labels available in our society, Bi would be a closer label. Hetero when dressed as a man and sexually attracted to my wife. Lesbian when dressed as a woman and still sexually attracted to my wife.

However, if I said I was Bi, without adding the above description of why, everyone else would assume I was sexually attracted to both men and women. Since this is not the case, then Bi won't work as a label.

That is because the label assumes we are either men or women, instead of being transgendered or dual gendered or bi-gendered.

[AmandaM]

"Tamara the freshwater dolphin"

Are you listening Disney?

EEK! EEK! EEEKITY-EEK!

ooooo, she's gonna make you paaaayyyyyyyy! Just wait til she gets her fins on you! Eeeek! You're my dolphin-transvestite-sex-toy now, eeek!

[charllote34]

Nope !!! in fact when im dressed i feel MORE attracted to women go figure!!

[Michelle Reilly]

While not being attracted to the men, when I'm dressed I want to feel the full sexual experience as a woman does, and in a very submissive manner. Now if the equipment were attached to a woman, that would be perfect. I guess I need a functional pre-op TS!

[Eugenie]

Do you think if I dress like a fresh water dolphin, I'll be attracted to other dolphins? Seriously.. clothes don't make you do anything, they are just garments... it's all in your head, so if you are attracted to males when dressed, then you are either bi or gay... it's not rocket science!!!

Sorry Tamara,

I think that the comparison with wearing a dolphin skin isn't working.

Let's try this one about the changes that an external "envelope" may produce on human beings...

How many of us, which are usually very nice people, become aggressive as soon as they start driving a car? I have even seen very nice and soft mannered women behave extremely aggressively when they drive a car.

I think likewise that the "envelope" of dressing does indeed change our personalities. Of course it is all in our heads but what's in our heads has an influence on the way we feel and behave.

I can certify that I have no interest in males when I'm living as a man myself. I have tried to look at men in the streets and never felt something anywhere like just a bit of attractiveness. My interest in this domain of sexual relations is still for women. I very often find women attractive...

I admit however to have had the desire to be seduced by a man when "en femme" mode, which, for me is far more than just wearing women clothes. Even if it is in my head, the feelings are real...


Eugenie

[breanna53]

interesting replies, and so many differnet answers. personally i have no desire to be with another man.

[JoanFlores]

At first I enjoyed being with a gg or CD, both for chatting and play, now I have some feeling for men, but I must be dressed in fem.

[Ashley Williams]

I have been with several men as Melissa. The attraction is very strong. I have told all of them that I am not looking for a long term romantic relationship with a man. That is because I simply have no desire to be with them when I am not Melissa.

I am very confused by this. I wear a type of clothing for work, because I want to create a particular impression. I pay less attention to what I wear casually because I am less concerned about that.

However, dressing en-femme is entirely for me. If I couldn't share it with my wife, there is no way in the world I would want to share it intimately with a man.

I am still the same person, expressing a different part of myself, sure - but my sexual inclination doesn't change because I have women's clothes on.

I have had friendships with men that were as deep as some I have had with women - sharing feelings and exploring perspectives in a way that is far from the everyday - but would never be physically attracted to them because I was wearing a slip or a dress.

I don't want two personalities - I want one, even if it means being rather more complex than many people, including myself, find easy to handle.

The only fantasy I find that my cross-dressing invokes is of being more submissive - as I take the initiative in sex most of the time. That fantasy is only focussed on my wife, however, and as she does not want to be involved at any level with my dressing, it is a fantasy that will likely never be fulfilled.

All the Best

Lesley

[jennifer41356]

I was wondering, how many of you girls feel any sexual attraction to men while crossdressed. In my case... well... guilty.
The weird thing is I only feel that while cd, go figure

I agree with you on that one...I guess I feel so fem , it seems natural to want to have a good looking guy escorting me

[crissy28]

When dressed as crissy i do find myself looking at and wanting certain really hot guys, which i know as a man i prob wouldnt look at twice. i actually am bi and attracted to both men and women.. women because i can relate to them and a man because they can make me feel safe and secure at times..