Female feelings, female thoughts, female desires?

[KewTnCurvy GG]

Okay, you all share your makeup tips, post your photos, talk about how to create the illusion of a female form. So below the surface, what lurks that makes you feel female? What aspects of your person, beyond the obvious, make you feel female, make others' perceive you as female? I really want to know. Please be as honest and detailed as you can. Thanks, in advance, as always for your candor and willingness to share.
hugs
kew

[Sherlyn]

too me its the illusion .... i say i feel like a girl... but it must be the illusion of which i see in my pics of a girl that deliver's me ..too thinkin im female .... however as much as i may say i feel female i think its the girl i seein my pics and societies rules that sez if i wear make up and female clothes therefore i am looked upon as a female therefore i feel like a girl ...must mean in my mind... that coz i look like female.. i THINK i feel female ...of which i must say in honesty i really do not know how a female feels inside ...i am male

[KewTnCurvy GG]

hugs grrl, thanks my love for trying to put what is quite abstract and difficult to identify into words.
hugs, love and kisses
me

[sarah]

Hi Kew,
Thats a very good question ..For me its internal the way a sad movie makes me feel ,the way i am aware of peoples moods ,allways ready to hug someones sadness away ,never being able to say NO to a friend in need (or in fact anyone as my GG will tell you)Kissing is another of my female traits .I love to kiss ,for as long as the other person wants (as long as they are a good kisser)Sometimes Tessa and i will spend the whole night just kissing and cuddleing ..This is becoming more abstract than Sherlyns reply but finally the most precious intermal female trait i have is wanting to look more beautiful everytime i dress up...xxx

[Summer]

Good question! I don't feel one way or the other about being dressed. I have never given it a thought. I am out in public dressed all the time and it is so confortable to me I just don't think about being feeling female or male.

Summer

[Tristen Cox]

Joy a hard question Okay try to follow me because I'm no shrink or anything. I have never related with guys very well. Their thinking, their physical movements, the way they act in character. All these things I have had to watch and assimulate, but they did not feel right to me. However I can relate to women or rather, I understand them in many ways without 'trying'. This extends from childhood through adulthood, marriage and old age. There's just something uniquely magical about the female gender, and men just don't seem to have much mystery to them. Hence to me being male seems extremely boring. For myself being TS, I do not have to wear clothes to express what I feel is my feminine side. I only do so to change my body's appearance. I feel more soft and caring inside than hard/brutish and masculine. Without going too deep here(ok well maybe), when making love that is when I have no clue of male hood and the 'other' inner self prevails over all. I'm totally female and can't even try to hide it. Sorry folks I'm not going into too much detail there, although I will say that any male thoughts at that time shut off and I have been scared more often than not that my female partner would reject me due to me acting like another female rather than a man during sex. That's the only time I can not hide what I am inside(cause I don't know any other way to be). Everybody just like really quiet huh...*room goes silent*

[Ophelia D'Void]

Great Thread (and great post Tris.... going to be a tough act to follow)...

Hmm, the way I see it, many of us act and dress in the way that we perceive femininity, or in other words its our take on what we consider feminine. That being said I can only speak for myself.

There's a part in Kill Bill II where Bill's character is speaking with Beatrix on the topic of superheroes. He was most fascinated by Superman, in that Clark Kent was his critique on human beings, what with he being an outsider. I think that as crossdressers we/I dress and act how we see femininity, but we approach it from a different angle than women do. As much as women have many joys that men can't share in (or in some cases aren't allowed to share in), such as childbirth (well, the joy AFTER labor), the donning of a wedding dress prior to the trip down the aisle, etc. etc., there are also many trials and tribulations that many men will never have to deal with, such as menstrual cramps, the threat of rape, walking the fine line of what is empowering/sexy and what is unacceptable to society (such as how men are players, but women would be considered ****s), equality, etc. etc.

As crossdressers, particularly Male2Fem CD's, we can only lightly fathom the many things that women enjoy/endure, and many times we only see the bright side, such as the short skirts, the whistles of appreciation, the feeling of being pursued rather than having to pursue. En femme, our CD alter-egos are simply our interperetation of the female gender. Howerver, with few exceptions, we dress to celebrate women, rather than to mock them, as Clark Kent's interperetation of humanity would. As a result, many of us see women as representing that which we aspire to have. En femme, do I feel empowered? Yes. En femme, do I feel more sensitive? Yes. etc. etc. Although as much as I THINK I'm more feminine, there's times when I'm still at a loss. When my SO is grieving, I react like a guy... either divert the situation with a joke or try to pretend like there's nothing wrong. Works with my guy friends, not with my girl friends. As a CD do I still miss anniversaries? Yep. Birthdays? Yep. But at the same time I feel more empathy than I would if I were just a run-of-the-mill guy.

A while back I realized that I can either see myself, the CD, as either a sissy guy/ugly girl, or as a whole that is a little fem, a little bit stubble, but somehow more whole than I would be if I only chose either.

OD

p.s. Tris, the few times that I've had, er, relations, with my exSO in drag I often felt a bit diminished as a man and often suffered from an emotional double vision... on the one hand I was a guy, and the other en femme, so it caused a bit of confusion... almost like trying to process seeing two pictures simultaneously. Don't think it would fall under the same category, but just wanted to express solidarity.

[JoannaDees]

Kew,

Just a lifelong feeling of not connecting/understanding/joining much of the silly male behavior? A wistful desire to have what you have as I watch female friends relate? Now, can I reasonbly expect to ever do that with another male? Probably not, due to conditioning or maybe even ... GASP ... because males and females truly are different. I don't know. There is just something that tells me "I'm not like those guys, I don't understand why you do that, what are you stupid?".

Joanna

[RachelDenise]

My female side is intertwined with my male side to some degree. Characteristics like caring, respect and understanding are not gender related but often ascribed to women. I have these feelings in my daily life and don't associate them with femininity. However, society does and that's when it gets confusing. For me, the female side is about my feelings about me, how I look, how I feel sexually and how I react in various situations. I think I relate better to women but that may just be my opinion. I am often disgusted with boorish male behavior, but have certainly done my fair share of it willingly and not just to blend in. Ah, the sweet dichotomy of life!

[Sharon]

What lurks below has always been there for me, but it has only been in recent years that I have allowed myself to begin letting them pop to the surface, no longer quite as afraid of expressing un-manly emotions and being free to enjoy the things I truly like.
I'm not sure what it is that makes me feel feminine to be honest. I'm just being me, something of a mix of stereotypical male and female behavior. I like football (American), but I also enjoy watching makeover programs and romance movies. I have what might be described as masculine paintings on the walls of my home, but some of those walls are pink.
This doesn't make me feminine, after all, how do we really quantify femininity?
It's enough to just be me.
As far as other's perception of me (those who don't know about Sharon), it's probably the same; I assume that I'm seen as someone with eclectic tastes, unafraid of showing them.

[ChristineRenee]

Very, very good question Kew. I have known since adolescence I guess that I was somewhat different than other boys were. Although I grew up in a predominately male environment and had a true male childhood in that regard, something inside me was manifesting all along and telling me that there was more to it than this. The crossdressing, I believe, may have started out as a curiosity, but then as time went on, it began to represent in me something that needed to come out and be expressed and realized. I still believe that the first time I got fully dressed and made up and looked in the mirror and "saw" Christine, I knew what my destiny was going to be from then on.

So externally, I am a genetic male then. Internally, however, I feel almost totally female with the exception of how I think. I still feel that I have predominately male brain wiring, although there is no question that as time has gone on, my feminine personna has even entered into my thought processes more and more. Still, I can honestly say that I don't feel totally like a woman trapped in a man's body, and for this reason, the age factor, and many others, progressing beyond HRT to do GRS just isn't where I see myself headed. The negatives of that far outweigh the positives for me. Now then, if I was a much younger person, say in my 20's for example, well I might be at least exploring the possibility of it more...and even then I'm not sure that I would ever do it.

I can't compare my overall CD/TG experience much to many other's either. When I saw my first therapist at the age of 41, I had already been a CD for 29 years and had not told a soul. I literally had nowhere to turn to and even had suicidal thoughts from time to time. Seeking medical help was really a last resort for me, but it at least made me realize that I was not many things that I had previously thought I was (gay, abnormal, perverted, etc.) and also that I was certainly not alone in all of this. My therapist, still, had a difficult time trying to figure me out. I didn't fit into a standard cookie cutter description of what a CD was supposed to be like. I still don't, even being a TG now too, which I believe I have been for probably much longer than even I had realized.

When others say..."well I don't WANT to be a woman...I just like to wear the clothes"...I can understand and appreciate that...but that is not how I feel about myself. I mean...internally, I already feel that I AM mostly a woman...probably another reason for not needing to have the surgery done to just reaffirm the obvious. I still have a male exterior and personna...I don't necessarily hate it...it just doesn't do a lot for me emotionally other than be a sort of protector and bodyguard of my feminine self. I guess I kinda fall more into the she-male description...and I want my exterior to look more feminine and match the female personna that I believe predominately is me. And yet I really have no desire to lose my male parts either. I don't even have two distinct and separate personalities...they are more or less integrated into one...sort of two sides of the same coin. My female side, as I have gotten older, has become more dominant, but there is still basically one personality only.

I think that I have been extremely fortunate in life to have been able to fully realize some of the very positive qualities of the feminine experience...the loving, caring, nurturing nature. The way females bond by building relationships, where your inner thoughts and feelings are more easily expressed and shared with your best girlfriends. That kind of thing. Men can be very basic, shallow, and superficial. Not an awful lot going on up there mentally most of the time. It is really not the most cerebral of genders. Jeff Foxworthy pretty much nailed it in his comic routine. We want a beer and we wanna see something NEKKID! While the simplicity of that can be rather "liberating", it sort of limits your ability to explore all that you can truly be as a human being, in my opinion.

Men, in my opinion, have been brutally conditioned by society for decades...even centuries! So much so in fact, that half of our humanity as a human being has been socially conditioned right out of us since childhood. Men really do have the capacity to nurture, to feel emotionally, and freely express that to others, and to laugh and cry at the same time and know the reason for it. We are taught at a very early age in life to not be that way. You are not supposed to outwardly exhibit traits that suggest a feminine nature...because, according to society and it's strict "rules" of gender behavior...this is WRONG. Well...no, this NOT wrong. What IS wrong, however, is society's incessant NEED to define male and female roles and keep that carved in stone forever. The sooner we, as members of society, can breakdown this stereotypical thinking of how the sexes are "supposed" to be, and act, and think, and dress, the sooner we all will get to the level where we can all interact with each other as the fully developed and realized HUMAN BEINGS that we were meant to be and are capable of being. That is how I see our existence and purpose for being on this planet. Of course, that is just my opinion...I could be wrong.

I hope that this helps to clarify things a little bit more for you Kew, from this T-girl's perspective anyway.

Love,
Chrissie

[Lady Jayne]

Wow! What a difficult question, I guess the answer is I don’t know if I do feel female or feminine I just don’t feel particularly male.
Men like to look at porn, although I do love the female form I get far more aroused by reading an erotic story than seeing a picture.
I want to dress and feel pretty not for the effect it has on others but because it makes me feel more confident.
Sex to a man is quite mechanical and is more about the release (stimulation leads to ejaculation). Although I suffer the same fate to me it’s more emotional, giving pleasure, is more important than receiving, and the feeling of closeness afterwards is almost the best bit. I love the snuggling up!

Perhaps the best way for me to explain is this, I used to live in an awful little flat and I found a mouse Eek! Well I couldn’t bear to kill it so I got one of those humane mouse traps, the thing is when I eventually caught the mouse and tried to set it free it had died, All I could think was how terrified it must have been, I felt so guilty! What a whimp Eh!

On another occasion I was walking through a parking lot followed by a group of about four girls. In unison they all said Awwwe! They had found a little baby’s bootee
When I looked round and they saw me smiling they all looked sheepish at been so Girly, the thing is my first reaction was to think Awwwe!
The point is my perception of women is that they are far more sensitive than men they feel and empathise more; they’re just more emotional.
Perhaps I’ve missed the point or am not explaining it very well but I have no idea how a real girl feels, so I guess the question is as a GG what makes you feel female?


P.s Sorry if I have bored you!

[Katie Ashe]

That is one Q I have thought about but never could answer. I quess CD'ing for me is taking for granted like breathing. I enjoy stepping beside myself and trying to look at the world through someone elses eyes. I like the clothing choice women have, that as a man has limited. I'm tring to understand girls, CD'ing kinda helps. It's hard getting all dolled up, I've learned it isn't easy, and does take time. I'm not sure I can give you the answer your looking for. CD'ing and fem are just whom I am, right or wrong, accepted or not.

Hug, Katie

[Wendy me]

yes to dress up like wendy i have to "be" wendy and not some guy in woman's clouthing , the whole prosses from bathed to shaved and dressing starts a change in how i feel ,look and think... i spoke abought this before as i dress (crossdress ) i also crossdress my mind or i would be just a guy in a dress and that's not mutch fun at all.....see this post.........http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ead.php?t=6609

[Sophie]

For Me I think (and hope) it makes me more loving, understanding, hugable, and more of a friend for my GF.

I love Being her best friend as a boy and a girl. Both sides of me have different things to offer in our relationship.
I get to understand the little things, like why she really has to get out of those shoes (even though i'd love to be wearing the uncomfortable stillettos on a night out!!), Why she can't wear that skirt tonight because she doesn't have the shoes to match.
And we can watch a 'chic flick' and i CAN cry and it's ok, i already know i'm a sissy, and so does she!
I get to be fashion consultant, and sometimes if i'm lucky,.... Model!

It also means we have a full understanding of each other, something only we have and something no one else can comprehend or take away.

So i guess it has become a relationship issue with me. I'm sure it would be different if i was not in an understanding partnership.

There's my 2 cents!

Sophie

[Di]

Terrific post Kew.....Fantastic answers ladies

[Danielle1960]

For me it is the vulenerbiltiy inside. I find it difficult and down right hard someitme to be the man. Not from a physical standpoint but inside. I struggle with being masculine in thought and nature. I wish I could be the one who is emotional, can smile, give a hug, feel pretty, these are the traits that land the average male in potential trouble. I have as much insecurity about all aspects of life as would be expected of a woman. I want people to be honest with me and not have a hidden agenda, (of course women don't get this either) and somone to stop and help if I break down. As a man I can concentrate on being a man, father, husband that all count on. As a woman I can take care of the emotional.

Danielle

[melissacd]

There is a certain beauty and elegance in the feminine ideal that I find very attractive. I appreciate that being a woman is very very hard work, especially if you are a working mother with children. I realize that it is not all just the glamorous parts (clothes, hair, make-up, shoes). I enjoy exploring the wonderful aspects of being feminine, exterior and interior. I desire to reclaim my femininty without losing my masculinity. I believe that we need both.

Some feminine, not specifically female, traits:

- being sensitive to the needs of others
- being a good listener
- being supportive
- being intuitive
- being emotionally expressive
- looking sensual, being sensual
- being soft, yet assertive
- having feminine mannerisms when you feel like it
- creating warmth and comfort for those around you
- being caring and compassionate
- being creative with that certain girlish flair
- having a sense of style
- avoiding vulgarity as a communication style
- carrying yourself with grace

I love femininity and I believe that it is not just the domain of females. Physiologically, males and females are different, that is true, but not really all that different. Men are encouraged to be tough, competitive and emotionally distant. I feel that takes so much away from your full humanity. It is so limiting.

I feel that men and women both have masculine and femininine personas. Recently, cultural norms have made it acceptable for women to express a very broad range of feminine and masculine characteristics. Men, however, are culturally locked within
their masculine roles. Some, in the transgendered communities are starting to break through this barrier, however, I suspect it will be some time before that wall is knocked down.

I think part of the reason that more men are seeking this alternative life style is that they are tired of the confines of what is culturally acceptable. They are tired of having to be macho, having to be the provider and protector. Those societal norms are starting to shift for women, but men are still waiting in the wings. For some men it is because their pride and ego get in the way of accepting who they really are. For others they are seeing the light, seeing their softer side and just chomping at the bit for when it is okay to express all of who they are.

While the statistics would lead us to believe that only 10% of the male population are cross dressers, I would argue, if you could get an honest answer from most men you would find that in fact the number is more like 90%. How could anyone not want to be a more caring, sensual, intuitive soul...

Melissa Eh!

[Julie York]

I don't seem to fit in this at all. But I can't help posting because it is intriguing.

To me, I see it as like a child's game. It is REAL emotionally, in the same way that killing aliens and saving the planet is 'real' when you are six years old.

But with cross dressing. it's the game of 'Lets pretend I am a girl' with all the lack of responsibility and exaggeration of a child's game. Sound effects too big (Kerpow!) big heels....emotions too big (I'm dying Captain!)...Oh look a cute little puppy, does my hair look pretty?

It's the game that allows me to be sexier than I would be in real life, more emotional, more soft, more fun, more ....girly!

Then we all take the clothes off and go home, have a bath, watch Dr Who and go to bed.

[melissacd]

Well said...

[cindybarnes]

What lurks under the surface that makes me feel feminine when dressed?
For me, the feminine feeling kicks in just after starting my eye makeup, and increases with each step. Choosing earings, trying to match the rest of my makeup with what I plan to wear, How to wear my 'hair" all the things GG's do any time they are trying to present their most feminine image for a night out.
But before all that,, underneath the surface,,, is the fact that Im not what one would call a handsome male,, not a self put down, but I can look in the mirror after getting all fixed up and be a lot happier with what I see than I can looking at the plain old guy in the same mirror.
Its like answering the question "what would I have looked like if born a girl?" and being happy with the visual answer. Im realistic about it all tho, knowing Im too large to easily pass while out,, large hands,, low voice, lots of other flaws I will keep to myself LOL
When I dress casualy at home, maybe capri's and a top or something its not that ultra feminine feeling but for me its comfort in knowing Im still expressing my girl side without all the fuss.
One thing I had to assure my wife of is the fact that no matter how short my skirt, or high my heels are , Im not dressing to attract anyone especially other males. Thats not the kind of feminine feeling I get from this.
Ok, thats my condensed answer to a pretty deep question :-)
Cindy

[DonnaT]

So below the surface, what lurks that makes you feel female? What aspects of your person, beyond the obvious, make you feel female, make others' perceive you as female?

Honestly, nothing. I don't feel female at all.

I haven't been out in public dressed yet, so couldn't say if anyone else would perceive me as female, other than how I look above the neck, or below the knees

I guess I'll find out soon enough when I go out in Vegas. But I doubt anyone will perceive me to be female. Not going to stop me though

[Brandy_Marie]

Kew,

Thanks for this one. I am sorry, folks, but this one might be long.

Many of the posts already have hit on some of my feelings, but no one post has completely summarized it.

I've always gotten along better with girls. It's easier for me to have conversations with them, etc. I've always had more fun hanging out with them. All of my closest friends are women. I hate the way most men treat women; although I've seen my fair share of decent men screwed over by women that needed a swift kick in the *ss.

I do often exhibit traits that are considered 'for women only'. I'm not afraid to cry, or show emotion. Most people still view cooking as a female dominated arena; I love cooking. On the other hand, I'm about as good at cleaning house (and as inclined to) as the stereotypical male. I do not always feel bad when I see a dead animal, I don't think all babies are cute, I do enjoy watching American football, I do believe that everyone should own a gun (and know how to use it). I don't believe in hunting for sport; it's one thing to kill out of necessity, but doing it for fun is just cruel and unnecessary. I don't know the first thing about fixing anything other than a computer, I'm horrible with tools, and I'm a disaster when it comes to cars. I grow my nails out, I hate it when I break a nail, and it disgusts me to do anything involving dirt if I can avoid it. I absolutely love women's fashion, makeup, hairstyles, etc. And I am the fashion police; if you've got it, flaunt it - if you don't, hide that sh*t. I've gotten griped at while standing in line at the Magical Kingdom in the Walt Disney World resort for having an in-depth conversation with several female friends over the differences between clitoral and g-spot orgasms. Most of my female friends describe me as 'the only man they've ever met who suffers from PMS'. My wife agrees. I'm moody, and I can be a b*tch or an *sshole, but I'm much better at the former. I love being able to answer just about any question someone can ask about a field that I am well-informed in, but I am much more concerned with people's emotional well-being than being right or having all the answers.

In relationships, I've never done well when I've been the 'dominant' person who has to take the lead. Those relationships have always ended in miserable failure. My most successful relationships have been with women who are more assertive, agressive, more dominant, yet still retain some sense of femininity. Most of those, though, are rarely satisfied with just one person.

Sexually, I've always been 'different'. Pardon me if I step into the realm of TMI here. I thought I was gay, until I lost my virginity to a woman, and then there was no doubt left. Dirty, disgusting, mannerless, hairy pigs (I mean men) do absolutely nothing for me. I've always focused more on pleasing my lover than I have on receiving pleasure. I'm one of the few guys I've ever met that prefers giving to receiving when it comes to oral sex. Long, slow, passionate kissing is one of the most arousing things ever. Matter of fact, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am just doesn't do it for me. My nipples are way more sensitive than most of the men I've ever known. My ideal sexual experience is being made love to as a woman by a woman. When it comes to porn, I like both written and pictoral, but I always prefer woman-on-woman. I do enjoy the arousal and release of being male, but I definitely feel a sense of loss for not being able to experience ecstacy as a woman.

On the other hand, I have no desire to have SRS (or GRS, however you prefer). The way I see it is this: I was born a woman trapped in a man's body for a reason. There is a lesson in this life that I am supposed to learn; it is not my place to tamper with it. I want to be a woman, and I can be one as much as possible internally and externally, but since surgery will not make me a complete GG, then I might as well keep what I have. Although breasts would be nice.

I thought of myself as a woman trapped in a man's body long before I ever considered crossdressing as a lifestyle. I have often wondered why it is that I feel this way. Seeing as how I believe in reincarnation, I long ago hit upon the idea that I was a woman in most recent previous life. As I've grown older, I've come to believe that a soul is born into this world to go on a journey. No two soul's journies are ever the same, and some are shorter than others. Each soul has lessons that they have to learn, and once they have mastered them, they 'evolve'. Don't ask me what I think they evolve into, since I'm not there yet, I have no idea. I believe part of this process is that in each life, you are being challenged to not repeat the mistakes of the previous life. Sometimes, maybe you are being punished for something horrible that you did in the last life. Either way, the soul remembers, but you cannot tap that memory while you are in physical form. This all leads to my current belief in myself: In a previous incarnation, as a woman, I either did something really horrible to one or more men because I was incapable of understanding their point of view or maybe I wasted my life because I thought it would be so much better to be a man. Either way, in this life, I am now being forced to learn how to live in a man's world, in a man's body, without losing myself. To me (and this is not a judgement on anyone else) HRT and/or SRS/GRS would be somewhere between a gross cop-out and playing God.

In addition to that, I am who I am. I have found a wonderful person who accepts me for who I am both inside and outside. Any plans about changing who I am physically would naturally affect her, so it is not my decision alone. That being said, I am a woman. I don't care what my physical body looks like, what my birth certificate says, what anybody else says, by my standards of being a woman that's what I am. Because to me, the only thing that matters in the end is what is inside a person. That is where your soul resides; the rest is just a physical vehicle that allows you to interact with this world, and thus learn and grow.

Love,

Brandy Marie Devereaux

[Priscilla1018]

Wow ,after reading all of the posts, I'm not sure I fit in. I don't look feminine,I don't act feminine and I certainly don't go out dressed.Then there is the large amount of testosterone that comes through in some of my posts,as Dana pointed out a few days ago.I am happy spending time with the ladys and joining in their conversations;I understand more than the typical man.I am also comfortable with the guys.My Priscilla side loves to paint,to arrange flowers.to garden,to cook,and to be creative in general.
I guess I am still confused even though I have been doing this for 46 years.
I still don't know where I fit in.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Katiegirl]

As others have said this is a very difficult question, I suppose in many respects I have many what would be considered female traits.

Of melissacd's list I suppose I have the following

- being sensitive to the needs of others
- being a good listener
- being supportive
- being intuitive
- being soft, yet assertive
- creating warmth and comfort for those around you
- being caring and compassionate
- having a sense of style
- avoiding vulgarity as a communication style
- carrying yourself with grace

On a one to one basis I find I can't express my inner feelings - a true male trait but on forums like this one I find it much easier to express things.

I suppose my other male traits would be aggressive driving and not liking to wait for anything.

Do I feel different when dressed, not really just that I feel more my true self, when I am in male cloths I have to put on a front

I have always felt different from my 3 brothers and I find it easier to have friends who are women rather than men as I have more in common with them.



Mind of a Woman, Body of a Man, life is a Bitch