My head is so messed up!!

[Felix]

I don't know where to start or what to say but my head feels like its gonna explode. I can't explain this to some people do ya know what I mean. Some people think I should go back to work but I'm just not ready ya know what I mean? People see me having fun outside the work situation and they probably think everything is a okay but its not it really isn't I really feel like I'm loosing it again after a really good week I feel like poo again. I hate this thing. Sometimes I think it would be safer to just stay in the house go do my shopping and just be a loner then I wouldn't put myself in ridiculous situations which leave me feeling drained of any positive energy I have built up. But then that would not be good for me either cos I need people around me. OMG yuck is how I feel right now. Felix

[BadassBabyBrother]

You'll start from where it's the easiest to start from. Personally I know that feeling you described, and a few more on top of that. I don't know about you or anyone else, but I've had to accept the fact that some people will always think of me as nothing else but a loser avoiding work, and they just do not understand, they don't know why I don't go to work and what I go through when I'm by myself. It's shitty, but you can't really change their opinions. I hope you'll feel better soon, though.

[ZenFrost]

Baby steps Felix, don't push yourself to do anything you're not ready for. Just take things one small step at a time.

[RevMoonSerpent]

You know we are all here for you Felix. You need to do what makes you feel even the smallest bit better. Don't try to push yourself because you are worried about what other people will think.
Just like you, I've been in a similar situation. It took years for me to get back to working and that only happened with me owning my own business, working only two days a week. There are times when even those two days are too much. So take care my friend and don't stress yourself.

[kerrianna]

Felix, only you know yourself and how you feel. Don't let yourself get pressured back into unhealthy situations. The fact is there will always be someone who thinks you should be doing more, doing what they're doing, being miserable like them. They have no idea what you are going through, and you don't have to listen to them. Do what you need to do for yourself. You don't do anyone any good being messed up.

It sounds like you have a pretty good idea of what you need for yourself so just keep working at being in touch and nurturing that. It sounds like you do need lots of alone time, but recognize that it's good to get out, and getting out doesn't have to mean doing things you know are bad for you.

Stay strong, stay positive, Felix.

[Maria2004]

Do what you need to do for yourself. You don't do anyone any good being messed up.

stay positive, Felix.

Yes

[sandra-leigh]

yeh, I've been having a bit of a downturn myself, which I realized is tied in to my boss being away due to major surgery. I've worked with him over 20 years, and the obvious next in line has backstabbed me a number of times, and would be in a position to declare my job redundant.

Work stresses are amazingly real : I used to spend hours on The Throne due to the stress of going in to work (before I changed duties to get out of a position the consisted entirely of hard work and blame.)

Hang in there, Felix. It does get better -- but you'll likely have more than a few days yet where you ask yourself, "When will I ever feel better??"

[Felix]

Thanx peeps your all so wonderful and supportive. But ya right nobody really knows except me and others like yourselves what Im on about. xx Felix

[mylitta]

Felix- I've been through similar things, and I can only imagine what people at work said about me- when I was getting better I had a stay at a health spa and had a week in the sun- but that didn't mean I was ready for work. Getting better is a very up and down affair, not a steady upward climb, and you need to take your time. You are the only one who knows how you really are- we all put on a 'social' face to others. And to be honest, I think unless someone hasgone through this, they have no idea what it's like
Take care, take your time and look after yourself.

[Cynthia_0101]

Nothing, not even a job is worth your health. Who cares what people think as long as you take the time needed to get better.

I have seen the effects of not taking enough time for yourself.

Cynthia

[KrazyKat]

Wishing you peace and happiness in your life, Felix!!

You will know the path to take when it's time, believe in what you know is true to you!!

[Felix]

Thanx ladies it's always nice to hear your views and you give such good support

Mylitta and Cynthia you are both right in what you are saying I am the only one who knows and what I do know is taking this time out is the best thing that I could have done cos its helped me get my life back together and sort many things out, that if I had remained in work then I would not have.

Thanx Kat and Hun

Felix xx

[Lora Olivia]

Felix,
Bugger what anyone thinks about you taking time to get your mind right. A breakout is better than a breakdown anytime. I also wanted you to know that everytime I read your posts I have to sing the jingle from the old cartoon
(did you have it in UK?) anyway it makes me

[Felix]

Hi Lora and thanx Hun I think half of the problem is me worrying how long I can fob my mum off I told her I want councelling but not what for just my depression thing is im gonna ask the doc for time off till I get assessed then we can go from there but now I'm woried about everything else bugger it all xx Felix

[Taylor105]

You'll start from where it's the easiest to start from. Personally I know that feeling you described, and a few more on top of that. I don't know about you or anyone else, but I've had to accept the fact that some people will always think of me as nothing else but a loser avoiding work, and they just do not understand, they don't know why I don't go to work and what I go through when I'm by myself. It's shitty, but you can't really change their opinions. I hope you'll feel better soon, though.

I relate. When people get to know me and see that I can be outgoing and that I am smart and creative (their words not mine) they look at me strangly when they find out I do not work and am on disability. They have no idea what goes on in my head and why I can't get out there and just get a job. Anyway, I didn't mean to hijack Felix's thread but I just wanted to let you know that your response hit a chord with me.

[Felix]

Hi Taylor sweets Yep it's hard for peeps to see behind the mask and when ya try to show them its like weired if ya know what I mean. I think we all have more than one side I know I do, the outgoing bubbly side and the quiet reserved serious side xx Felix

[AmberTG]

I gotta tell you Felix, I understand what you go through. My son is functionally disabled by his depression. He doesn't deal well with people, he has a hard time with any job that's not very flexable, and he's dealing with a 27 hour daily cycle so he goes to bed later every day and gets up later every day. Sometimes he's up during the day, sometimes at night. He currently writes reviews for a website to make money. You can't function in the "real world" like that.
I get through my days pretty well, but my anti-depressant works well for me.

[Taylor105]

Here I am hijacking this thread again but it was falling off the page anyway so I hope Felix doesn't mind. I wanted to reply to Amber. Your son and I would have ALOT in common. I also function with strange hours. I do not get along in the outside world very well. Online I'm a blast!! LOL But in real life I am shy, introverted, and really just can't do the 9 to 5 work thing. I sleep at odd hours and also nap frequently. I want so much to be like "normal" people, whatever that is. But I think being stuck in a tiny framed female body has a lot to do with my problems. Even getting on T isn't going to make me taller and not bird boned. lol I take several drugs that I am prescribed. Anti-depressants and mood stabilizers along with anti anxiety pills. So anyway, my whole social life is online. And even that I sometimes feel overwhelmed by and turn to my movies and books. Okay, I'm rambling. I'll go now. I just wanted to let you know that I relate to your son. Hugs!