After talking to a very nice person here, one I believe to have much wisdom and insight to life, I've decided to give this a second chance.
I know a lot of you have read my previous post and think I'm a pompus a$#. That's ok. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs.
I guess I went about my post the wrong way, so let's try it this way.
I like to wear women's lingerie, an "underdresser" if that's what you'd like to call it. I grew up with a fetish that has totally consumed my thoughts and actions. I believe that I did not grow up with what most would consider to be healthy childhood development. This fetish has caused me to poor self-esteem, withdrawl from real life issues and I have become antisocial, all of which are unhealthy for any individual.
In a nutshell, I don't believe in my heart of hearts that I am supposed to be a CD. I believe that this is just something that happened and can be overcome if I so choose to try. Just as a TS believes and feels that they are supposed to be the opposite sex, I feel as strongly that I am not supposed to be a CD. I don't know why I feel this way. I just do. I'm not sure that any of you feel the same way. I guess that's why I feel out of place a bit here.
I have been to therapy briefly, but my insurance does not cover this kind of thing so I can't afford to continue. I am considering saving my money for aversion therapy to help me change into the person I believe myself to be.
I am not totally unhappy with myself. Quite the opposite. Anyone who knows me in RL knows I smile and joke a lot and love having a god time. I have a great job, I pay my bills, I make smart decisions (except I always seem to blow the budget on panties ) I just believe that everyone has a need for self actualization. Self actualization is different for everyone, just as everyone's perception of what "normal" might be is completely different. It's all relative.
I don't think I will ever achieve the long term goals I have set forth for myself by continuing to wear womens lingerie. This is my reality. I'm not saying that is is how the majority of the people on thsi board feel. IMO, continuing to do this will only damage my future development as an adult and any relationship I choose to be in, just as it has in the past and is continuing to do.
If anyone else has these feelings, feel free to PM me. I'd love to hear from you.