As I was sitting here at my pc in my nightgown looking over the various threads, especially the one about matching pj's, a wave of sadness came over me. It wasn't sadness about anything in my life, but rather sadness for my sisters here whose wives know of their crossdressing and do not accept it and are even hostile toward it. If feel for you so very much, for both of you. The stress that one feels when they can't tell or are afraid to tell, something I have felt, must seem like nothing compared to the sorrow you feel when the one that you have vowed to love forever rejectes the full you.
I told my wife Debbie about my sadness for all you last night, and my wishes that I could make it all better by saying something. I told her that I was afraid that anything I might say would come off as sounding holier than thou, because Debbie accepts, encourages, and loves me as a crossdresser. She then encouraged me to go ahead and type out my thoughts.
So, I turn the first thought over to her actually. It seems that it so many cases, your SO found out after you got married. Debbie wondered if the question to ask her would be: 'if you had known that I was a crossdresser before we got married, would you still have married me?'. This is a difficult question, with a difficult answer I'm sure, but the point is that you are still the same person now that you were then.
My thoughts now. This is a difficult one and you may not like the words. When you are crossdressed, never forget that you are a man. Wow -- what a contradiction, eh? Well, I go back to something that I heard several weeks back. I was attending a conference of Catholic men. A priest spoke there, and said something that stuck with me. It dealt with our role as husbands. He said that we need to be able to say to our wives, "I will stand in front of you, facing the evils of the world, look those evils square on, and say to them -- to get to her, you need to get through me first". The point here is that if you can say that to your wife, whether you are wearing a dress, bra and panties, or a suit, tie, and jockey shorts doesn't matter.
The one other thought that I had, again a difficult one, is .. never love the girl within you more than you love the girl you're with. When you are dressed, don't forget about her, for half off the love that unites you, and can actually bring wings to the girl that you are, comes from her. Show your wife how much you love her in everything you do. Compliment her on what she wears, but don't do so in way that comes off as envy. At the same time, when dressed, or even talking about it, don't exclude her, or, even more importantly, her thoughts and feelings. Sometimes the best thing we can do is shut up and listen and then follow up with questions that not about you, but about her.
I may not be making any sense here, but these are my thoughts. If you are going through a difficult time because your SO just found out, or you are in a relationship where she doesn't accept, know that you and your spouse are in our thoughts and prayers.
Huggles
Toni-Lynn