confusing sexual attractions
Ive been dressing, in private, for most of my life; always wanting to be a woman. While this may or may not be the cause the question is about weather im gay. I started noticing and dening that i have been wanting to be with a man more and more. Could this be the next step in my quest to be the woman i know i was meant to be or am i just becoming gay?
Thanks,
Rebecca
Thats a tough one! I too only dress in private, I do "go out" but only where I know I wont be seen. As for the sexual thing, I often wonder the same thing. When dressed as a woman I feel totally fem & think what it would be like to have sex with a man.I"m married so I dont want to cheat on my wife but the feeling wont go away. I dont find myself looking at men in that way & I also think what if I could sleep with another CDer? Does that mean I"m bi or gay!?!?Very confusing! Sorry I cant answer this for you, but your not the only one out there!
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Sexual identity (or preference, whichever term you want to use) is a complicated thing. Psychologists usually say that everyone shifts along the Kinsey scale during their lifetime, some a lot more then others.
Only you can answer whether or not your gay. My advice would be not to even worry about it. You may find that these feelings go away after a while. If they don't, cross that bridge when you come to it.
Sorry if that isn't very helpful advice, but a lot of people (especially in the United States) get hung up on labels (gay, straight, etc.) and I think we would all be a lot happier if we just lived our lives without worrying about what group/label/club we happen to be in.
I got a weird situation too. When Im a guy I like girls only. When I dress up I like guys and girls. Its very weird. I wouldnt say Im bisexual though I wont act on guys even in femme.
One does become gay It's just when is it going to come out If the feeling of wanting to be with a man is that strong the do it you will know if it right for you or not I'm straight
and have wounded what it would be like I think most of us CDs have though few will say they have .Gay is not a bad thing If you find you are I'll still be you friend. Fallow you heart But use you head.
Angie
Dont worry sis.......your not gay........the fact that you feel your a woman makes it a very normal thing to want males to be attracted to you......I had that very same worry about becoming gay.......I have had three dates with guys in the last few years and just so you know I never felt the least bit gay.......Isnt being a woman just wonderfull?
I don't know that anyone "becomes" gay any more than one can "become" a crossdresser. I am reminded of a story that someone asked Michaelangelo about how it was that he could make such beautiful statues out of rocks. He supposedly replied that "I didn't make the statue, God did, it was there all the time, I just removed the extra rock." Sometimes, life carves away the extra rock and we discover the statue inside ourselves.Originally Posted by Rebeccabicd
I have given that a lot of thought, because I am asked if I'm gay/bi/straight etc by people who are confused about the dressing. I answer bi, usually, since it's easier than a detailed explanation and they probably don't want one, anyway. Truth is, and I know how horrible this sounds, but my female side is a bit of a female chauvanist and regards males as life support systems for that fun part. I am not attracted to a male body, I am attracted to "doing it" with a male as a female.
I think it comes from a very immature (hey, she's a lot younger than the male me) concept that the ultimate female thing is taking a male part in her body. I know, it's stupid, but she still has issues to be worked out. LOL.....
I do NOT want to lessen women and have them think that my male self thinks that the ultimate in maledom is hiding the salami, but in her mind, letting someone hide their salami is as close as she can get to womanhood. Yeah, it's wrong, but geeze, try to explain that to half of your own head. People think you're strange when you're telling yourself not to be a **** and have more self respect.
K
I don't consider myself gay but I think a lot of crossdressers wonder what it would be like to be with a man. I'm sure we ALL read these stories on the web and say to ourself "wonder what it would be like just to try it once". I think it's a normal thing with all of us.
Well I too only dress in private. I have thought of being with another man before and fantasized about it but that is the only place it is going to be just a fantasy. I’m married to my wife and that is all I want my wife. I go though allot of emotions from wanting to be a women to wanting real breasts and leaving the rest of me the way it is. It’s a hard thing to live with but we are who we are and I love being me I can be allot of things and I think that is the best thing having the option to do it.
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I think that most men have a bit of bi in us but not brave enough to admit it. I know I have & I just enjoy it. No analising required for me.
Last edited by Daintre; 07-04-2008 at 02:48 PM. Reason: references to strap ons is not allowed on this forum, post edited to reflct that
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I think it all starts getting confusing once labels are involved. If you are CD or TG how would you ever know if you were straight with gay tendencies or gay with straight tendencies and from which end of the male/female continuum you were approaching it all? Even more complicated, once you meet someone who is also CD or TG - what labels to use then? Yikes! My head hurts just to think about it. Perhaps best to just accept that you are attracted to various people of various types, some of whom you would like a deeper relationship with than others. You can mutually agree labels later on down the line if you want to.
Sarah...
As one poster said about reality setting in, for me I guess I've been Bi for a long time but only acted-out when I was younger. Reality is.....what in the heck do Women see in Men! Hairy, smelly, awkward trolls! We're only after one thing(maybe 2 if you count dinner) and when we're finished we're gone.
For me it's better to have the fantasy than know the reality.
Just think about it. You want to be a woman, you want to be treated as a woman, and you want to be desired as a woman. That's kinda gay (whether the hardcore hetero CDs think so or not), but now think about gay guys. Gay guys want to be with guys, and I'm sure a lot of them act more feminine than you do (in drab), but gay guys do not want to be women.
Look at the M2F transgendered community. On one end of the spectrum you have crossdressers who don't want to be women, but to some degree they obviously want to be like women. This applies to many hetero crossdressers as well as most gay drag queens. They like getting dressed up now and then, but have no desire to be women. Then on the other end of the spectrum you have TGirls who would do anything to wake up as a real girl. Between those two, we are all bigendered. I used to cry myself to sleep wishing I could be a girl when I was little, but I don't resent my male self anymore. I want to be a cute guy and a hot girl. I'd rather be a girl, but that's not going to happen, so I have to deal with it.
Anyway, you should try fooling around with a guy. I'm not suggesting you go try to hook up on the net or anything like that. You don't want some horny guy showing up and getting crazy if things don't go well. But you really should get out a little. Find some CDs in your area. Go to a girls' night out event at a friendly club. You'll figure out your feelings better. And maybe you can make out with a guy in a semi-public safe place.
I say that because kissing a guy will give you a lot of perspective. Maybe you'll like it, maybe it'll scare the hell out of you. The thing is, even kissing another TG can snap you back into the reality of, "Eww, I guess I'm really a guy and this is really a guy that I'm with." You know, even if her face looks great, you'll probably notice some stubble when you're kissing, and things will just be weird. There's a CD friend of mine who's kinda in love with me, and we've gone out to clubs a few times. She's tiny and looks pretty cute, but she always wants to fool around, I kissed her a few times. Even though I was en femme, I just couldn't get past the stubble (even stubble on her shaved arms) and the big, rough hands. It just seemed gross. But then again, I've kissed guys with goatees before when I was half-drunk and en femme (and once in drab), and that seemed OK.
Now that I think about it, I think it's more about the attention. I like attention even if it's from a guy, and I especially like feeling validated en femme, but when it comes to actual sex, I want someone soft and not scratchy.
I don't think the term homosexuality applies to transpeople. If you want to use a term that describes your situation without assigning the "gay" label, you could think of yourself as being occasionally or increasingly androphillic (attraction to males). Homo or heterosexuality specifies your sex and/or gender as being the same as or different from the object of your attraction. Androphilia disregards your own sex or gender, and instead describes only to whom you are attracted.
Reine
Personal opinion only: Wanting to have sex with a man doesn't make you gay, it's wanting to have an ongoing loving relationship that does. A virgin who knows he's gay is gay. You are as you choose to define yourself.
Thanks Reine - that is very clear. Brilliant.I don't think the term homosexuality applies to transpeople. If you want to use a term that describes your situation without assigning the "gay" label, you could think of yourself as being occasionally or increasingly androphillic (attraction to males). Homo or heterosexuality specifies your sex and/or gender as being the same as or different from the object of your attraction. Androphilia disregards your own sex or gender, and instead describes only to whom you are attracted.
Sarah...
That's true in a way, but there are plenty people (both gay and hetero) who aren't interested in a monogamous or even an ongoing non-monogamous relationship.
I was in a bad 12-year relationship to a pathological liar with borderline personality disorder, and since then I've been stalked by two girls and dated 3 totally insane women (one who was actually committed 3 times), all of whom were also horrible mothers. The last thing I'm really interested in right now is a relationship.
I guess there are a few different things you can base your sexuality on.
The male side would never think of such a thing. As Katie you could call me bi-curious. Racquel defined it well enough. When presenting as a female the thought of meeting a guy enhances your current mood. I can't think of a better way to explain it. Meeting another CD probably would bring a lot of confused emotions. I'd have to work up the courage to leave the house before considering which side I prefer.
We're all different. For me, wanting to be intimate with a man is a natural part of being Nora. The first time I ever kissed a man I was scared to death, because it was clear that things could go a lot farther if I let it. I decided to let the kiss happen, enjoy it as much as I could, and accept how I felt about it. That was the only way that I could make a good choice about whether to let things go further.
At that moment I really came to understand my feminine self. It was also the very first time that I truly felt 100% confident being Nora.
It is perfectly natural to want a man when you allow your feminine side to emerge in what you wear. It is equally natural not to.
Last edited by NoraTV; 07-05-2008 at 12:15 AM. Reason: spelling
I know that I am not gay, but I do like the idea of being with a man when dressed. A big part of my dressing is to feel more like a woman, and what could do more to give me that feeling, than to have a man want me in that way.
YES..
You Could be Gay!!
And just do it and be happy!!
Please dont let it be a weighr upon your head!!
Just experience it, and come to conclusions..
[SIZE=2]The sound of Galaxies Playing the Music of our lives, The notes we strike Reasoned in time and space, Silent Symphony waiting to be heard, Musical Aura holding unseen worlds..., The Sound of Galaxies..., Playing the music of our lives, The Numbers we Married, Equations and formulas, A MUTE language of the universe, Mathematical resonance, The thought of Matter.."Samael".. Lessons in magick[/SIZE]
That's pretty much what I was trying to say in my post.
K
I totally agree.
Being emotionally and physically attracted to men makes you gay.
Basic sexual orientation rarely changes in life.
Most gay men know at an early on that they are attracted to men exclusively.
Just as dressers tend to dress at an early age.
You can't change that.
You either are or you are not.
I think that Bisexual is a good descriptive word to apply
to your situation.
But, I think your basic sexual orientation is straight.
Hmmm, see now I may be the odd one out. I agree with what the majority of people have said on here, and I have "experimented" myself many years ago when I first came to grips with my crossdressing. However, I have found that whether dressed as a male or female, I'm still only attracted to females. In fact, I find it more exciting to be with a female while dressed up as one. You have "chosen" a difficult path, sis. There are bound to be questions and if necessary, seek counseling. We are who we are.
Rachel
*DISCLAIMER*: By "chosen" I mean that I believe in reincarnation and that your soul choses challenges for each life that you must face in order to become totally enlightened.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"So that others may live..."
"Candy is Dandy but Liquor is Quicker!"
I'll just toss into this discussion the notion of acquired taste. I didn't like coffee or wine the first times I tasted them, now I luv 'em. Something similar has happened to me as I have explored my own bi-sexual urges.
Like so many bi-curious boys and gurls, I was initially only attracted to a very specific part of a man's anatomy, and even then the reality was more strange and dubious than the fantasy. But as I have acquired some experience -- and admittedly my experience is still rather limited -- I'm either acquiring a taste for this aspect of sexuality, or I'm uncovering a latent predisposition. I can't really tell which it is, but I really don't care. I just know what I like, and what seems stimulating and satisfying.
None of this new experience diminishes my interest in GGs, but it does give me a new slant on them. And I do find myself more interested in more of the man, rather than just his you-know-what. The difficulty, however, is in finding a guy who isn't in neanderthal mode when it comes to "courting" gurls like us. This is frustrating because I do in fact find myself now wishing rather intensely for the chance to cultivate a more well-rounded relationship with a guy, to test those waters. To me, this is just another aspect of wanting to be in a meaningful relationship as a gurl and does not mean I'm any less interested in the same thing with a GG or maybe even another CD. They aren't mutually exclusive, nor is this a zero sum proposition.
One more thought -- I think most guys or CDs are inclined to hide their bi urges from the woman in their life, if they have a woman in their life, or if they're dating, they wouldn't want women knowing about this side of them. For some reason that I haven't really analyzed, however, I kind of like the idea of GGs knowing I'm bi -- and yes, I am now thoroughly satisfied that I am indeed bi. I mean what the heck, we already have a strike against us for being CD, we might as well go for full disclosure, right?
Now, those of you who are strictly hetero don't need to start yada yada. I'm not speaking for everyone, just me and perhaps other CDs who swish both ways ...
... or think they might like to.
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