Update on 16-yr-old CDing son

[Carly D.]

You know I'm thinking about when I was that young and yes I cross dressed then, but more pantyhose and heels and every now and then a skirt or dress but... if I would have been "out" and admitted that I crossdress I think the way you are handling it is reasonable.. I think if he gets comfortable around his family that he might eventually be able to go out in the public places, and this might or might not be what you want but for him.. as for all cross dressers it is a form of expression.. the inner self.. please don't think of him as something is wrong, that "where did we go wrong as parents" saying.. you didn't do anything wrong, this is just how some guys are.. and there are more closeted cross dressers (I am one) than are out of the closet, and your son is out to you and family and might not be a bad thing.. it could be worse...

[Dana]

I don't often post here, although I do lurk a lot.

Your first and foremost consideration about your dear son should be about "guilt"

Guilt about not living up to your expectations of him as a male, boy, a man, your son. Those are some very heavy issues for both you, your DH, your family, his siblings, and of course himself.

There's greifing. Greifing for the son you thought you had, griefing for the family you wanted to have, griefing for the son you thought you had.

Reality? What a concept? The "difference" between the way it is? And the way it is.

Given a choice? I would not have chossen to be a cross dresser~transvestite.

But I am. I'm transgendered. I've been married, and lived with another GG for 6-1/2 years. I'm single now, but I know its only a matter of time before those "urges" to crossdress again arise.

Its not so much a sexual thing, as is to fulfill an emotional need. I want to, need to, crave to express femininity. I could give a flip about men, about sex, about having sex with men, (I don't even like men and don't see what GG see in men)

[Billie Renee]

Beth ,

My mom was supportive of me and I have been dressing since I was 5 and my mom would give me my older sisters hand me downs. When it came to my name my mom and I sat down and talked about what she would have named me if I had been born a girl and she told me my name would have been Renee and so that is what I went by growing up. So talk to him and let him be a daughter to you as well as a son and you will find that things get easier for both you and him .
good luck and keep us all informed of the progress you and your family have



Billie Renee

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Hi Y'all,

Sorry I did not update the forum. I have been emailing a couple of y'all in private email but was told that others would like to hear how things are going. I am currently on a business trip with my husband in NH.

I am now in contact with an Atlanta group and plan to meet with one of the members next week when I get back home. My son is too young to officially belong to the group, but they accept family members willing to be supportive.

My husband has taken the stance that he will not punish or belittle my sons behavior, but he will not encourage it or support him either. He will simply tolerate it and let my son know that he does not approve of it. He compared the need to crossdress with our oldest sons need to be pierced and tatooed.

Because their are mixed feelings within the family concerning Josh's partial crossdressing we have had to set some boundaries. Anyone who is mean to him about it will be punished. Josh, who lives in a bedroom in the finished off basement by choice because it's cooler down there, is free to cross-dress there anytime he feels girly and anyone going downstairs must respect his freedom there. He is not to wear his bra stuffed or be crossdressed when he is upstairs if family is home. He can crossdress upstairs if we are out. I will give a ten minute warning call for him to change when we are nearly home. This compromise developed pretty much by accident one night when he did not want to go to the movies with us. He came to the stairwell door and simply said, "Mom, I don't want to go. I'm feeling, you know, kinda girly right now." I said ok and told him I would call him when we were almost home so he would have a few moments to change or go back to his safe zone. I missed him while we were at the movies, but he was happy when we got home and that made me happier. He got to dress up, played some video games upstairs while dressed girly, and actually did some cleaning upstairs for me while we were out. I know it's still pretty restrictive on him, but everyone in the family is at different acceptance levels. The key point is that we are talking about it and trying to work it out as a family.

Just like everyone likes to have friends who can relate to them, I wish we could find a group that accepts him. Even though he is only 16, he needs support too. We are taking it one day at a time though and he'll be 18 before we know. Makes me want to cry...

Thanks to everyone who wrote notes to me. Even though I did not respond to each one directly, I did read all the replies. They are helping me adjust and in a round-about way helping Josh (who has not told me a female name to use yet for his girly moments).

Beth,

I just sent you an email,subject "Supporting Your Son". I hope it will be of help you and your family.Take care

Felicity

[TxKimberly]

Beth,

I am just stunned reading your post. As a parent of two, I can imagine some of the ins and outs, and I think it is awesome that your family has reached a compromise that all can tolerate. Life is a series of compromises so I think this is perfectly acceptable.
I can tell you that based on my own fears when growing up, probably the most valuable gift you have given your child is knowing that you are there for him. I'd be willing to bet that there is nothing else in the world as important to him right now as knowing that.

[Angie G]

you are doing it the right way hun.16 is a hard time for kids and not making it harder for him is a good thing. And I think your a great mom.
Angie

[Rachel Morley]

I don't think there's much more I can add as most of the girls have already said it, but I do want you to know that IMHO, what you are doing and the way you are doing is HUGE in your son's life. You are a great Mom, so wonderfully supportive, and I just wanted to tell you so.

[Katheryn]

He compared the need to crossdress with our oldest sons need to be pierced and tatooed.

It doesn't matter why any of us do what we do, whether it's getting something pierced, inked or covering ourselves with what society deems is the clothing of the "wrong" gender. Figuring out why I like wearing girly clothing is pointless, IMHO, as it doesn't matter which came first, the chicken or the egg (the sort of discussion that goes on in your head when you try to figure out the why of something like this) all that matters is trying to keep in mind whether you're making an omelet or coq-au-vin.


You're a great Mom, thanks for being supportive. I was always too afraid to tell my family when I was his/her age.

K

[yvonne10]

i think your son is very lucky to have such a fantastic family around him i wish i had the guts to tell mine that i am a transvestite,i have 3 brothers and i know what they would say

[Sally24]

Thanks for sharing with all of us and God Bless You for being supportive of your son! If possible, I think it would be good if he could receive some counseling. Even if he doesn't turn out to be TS, it would help him deal with things. Most of us would be better off if we had learned to accept this part of ourselves earlier. I didn't embrace it until I was 50!