Hello ladies,
I first don't know if this the correct category to place this thread, but I wanted to get your opinion.
I am a part-time closeted TS who has a supporting bf. I do love him, but I am afraid that we have come to a road block, one that seems so big that we may actually break up because of it.
Out of all the times to have an argument, we had one the night I went out in public for my first time, I was shaking like a leaf. Anyways, we decided to sit on the steps of a building and talk, enjoy the moment sort of speak, we didn't want to go back to the hotel 5 mins. after we left since I feared that it would raise eyebrows. Anyways, I talked to him about a girl that I met, on Craigslist actually, and since we live in the area, she invited me to come by so we could dress together and so she could give me tips on how to become more passable, etc. since she has been doing this a lot longer than I have. Anyways, so far, we have only been chatting online, sending emails back and forth, but she asked me again the other day whether I wanted to meet or not (i have been hesitant all this while b/c of privacy issues) and since i've been more comfortable with her, I said sure. Anyways, I talked about her to my bf and he got VERY VERY upset. He said that he felt used and betrayed that I would do this with someone else, share my intimate moment with someone else when he thought all along that it was a bond, a unique bond that I shared with him, and him only. And I told him that it is, with him, I share a physical and an emotional level and that only with him would I be comfortable to go out in public (like I was at the time) and that nothing could replace that. the ONLY reason I would only contemplate to meet this girl was b/c she knew what I was going through and give me feedback (i.e. makeup tips, etc.) that he would not be able to provide. I emphasized, and re-emphasized that the ONLY reason I would do it is to get support from a girlfriend, a sister like person, NOT for sexual reasons. He, in turn, justified that since we (him and I) met on Craigslist as well, that he can only imagine what would happen between me and this girl. I then took it as him not trusting me and thinking that I would get involved with her sexually, which is not the case.... I also took it as me not being able to have any TS/TG/CD friends with whom I could share the emotional/physical roller coaster of transitioning. He would not see my point and refuses to see it my way. He says that it's okay for me to get support via email or chat, but when I meet with her, it's crossing the line where I use him. I don't get it, how am I using him? The only way I can interpret using him is if I was hanging out with him for some purpose, then breaking up with him the very next moment. He said that "if you want to do it, do it, i don't care!" I love this guy, but my friends says that it shows signs of insecurities and emotional abuse. Whenever I try to work on anything dealing with the relationship, he shuts me out... he refuses to talk and gets visibly upset. I feel like I'm the only who loves him and that he doesn't love me. I don't know what to do... You see girls on TV that love their man so much that they're willing to do whatever it takes, and I thought they were stupid, i used to say "just walk away"... now I guess i'm the stupid one I am afraid I won't be able to find someone so supportive and so genuinely nice... I mean you can't get everything in a relationship, right? am i being too difficult? should I just disregard what i believe in for the sake of my relationship?