Have You Ever Told Somebody You're Gay....

[balletchick]

Have you ever told somebody you're gay just to make them feel better even though you're not?

When I first started my ballet class I was the only guy in there and the women seemed put off by it. However once I said I was gay they were comfortable, it seems that being gay is more accepted than crossdressing. Even though in ballet wearing a leotard and tights is common even for men. They later found out I wasn't after we became friends and I told them why I did it to make them feel comfortable they now have alot of empathy for me as a crossdresser.

[karynspanties]

Nope, never have and never will.

[LilSissyStevie]

I used to think that if I were gay it would explain a lot of stuff about me but I was never attracted to men. I never told anybody I was gay but I used to let them think it. I was extremely shy and awkward around women and I was kind of "faggy" anyway. It seemed a lot easier to let people think I was gay than to explain why I wasn't always aggressively pursuing a relationship with a female. I guess I would prefer that people thought I was gay than have them think I was shy and somehow weak. I'm over that now. I'm a hetero sissy, so what?

[balletchick]

I guess my point for starting this thread is that it seems to be more acceptable to be gay then a crossdresser. I have never been attracted to men or have I ever been with a man. The ladies in my adult ballet class were very tense and seemed to have alot of anxiety about my
presence I did it to make them more comfortable. Once the found out why I did it the felt bad for not being more understanding and had a better understanding of crossdresser and myself.

I mean as far as class goes we are there to dance but a simple little white lie aleviated a lot of tension.

Its sad to me that people can accept if somebody is gay but if the crossdress it is a source of tension.

[Miss Tessa]

I think that was a dishonest, dishonorable, retarded thing to tell somebody.



Tell 'em the real T and walk for you!

[balletchick]

I think that was a dishonest, dishonorable, retarded thing to tell somebody.



Tell 'em the real T and walk for you!

"retarded" I was under the understanding their was no flaming on this board!

I'm sorry that your small mind can't see the big picture

[Jessicaparkson]

She wasn't being offensive with retarded. It's a term some people use for "stupid". My sisters use it, I personally never have as I work with mental disability people.

In regards to your post. I've never told anyone anything that I'm not in regards to my TSing or CDing.

[balletchick]

She wasn't being offensive with retarded. It's a term some people use for "stupid". My sisters use it, I personally never have as I work with mental disability people.

In regards to your post. I've never told anyone anything that I'm not in regards to my TSing or CDing.

The thing is I don't regret doing it yes it wasn't cool to lie but at that time my presence made them uncomfortable. We probably would still exchanging weird glances and never speaking to each other out of the weird vibe in general.

Plus later it opened up a sense of dialog that gave them a better understanding of crossdressers. So I don't regret it

[LilSissyStevie]

I think that was a dishonest, dishonorable, retarded thing to tell somebody.



Tell 'em the real T and walk for you!

C'mon Tessa, you never told a little white lie before? The real world isn't so black and white as that. Sometimes a lie is the right thing to do. I can't see that any harm was done here except to some peoples sense of moral righteousness.

BTW, I have a daughter who is "retarded" and, believe me, it's a gift. We should all be so lucky.

[Kristy_Iowa_CD]

Have you ever asked them how they would have reacted if you told them you were a crossdresser from the start?

I ask this for two reasons, first nothing in my life has ever convinced me that being gay is any more or less acceptable to others as crossdressing is. Besides, most unedcuated homophobic people lump the two together anyway (I guarentee straight CDer's have been called f*gs before).

Second, women and men both have environments in which they feel like the opposite sex is an intrusion. Have you ever seen how a group of Sunday-afternoon-couch-jocks act when a GG sits down to watch the game with them? Or how about how women at the playground act when a father shows up to play with his kids at the playground?

The point is they may have viewed your presence as an intrusion because they probably assumed you were a man trying to break into their environment for less than legitamite reasons (i.e. to hit on them, etc.). I'm sure the idea that you were a crossdresser who was genuinely interested in ballet never entered their minds.

I think if you would have been up front with them you would have got the exact same reaction.

[Shannen]

Nope, never have and never will.

[trisha59]

Any way. I would imagine that when one is learning ballet there is a lot of awkward positions that one might not be comfortable doing if it were done in mixed company? Telling them that you were gay might of alleviated this a bit. Then when you told them that you CD they already knew you and felt comfortable with you. Or I could be completely off base here.

[balletchick]

Have you ever asked them how they would have reacted if you told them you were a crossdresser from the start?

I ask this for two reasons, first nothing in my life has ever convinced me that being gay is any more or less acceptable to others as crossdressing is. Besides, most unedcuated homophobic people lump the two together anyway (I guarentee straight CDer's have been called f*gs before).

Second, women and men both have environments in which they feel like the opposite sex is an intrusion. Have you ever seen how a group of Sunday-afternoon-couch-jocks act when a GG sits down to watch the game with them? Or how about how women at the playground act when a father shows up to play with his kids at the playground?

The point is they may have viewed your presence as an intrusion because they probably assumed you were a man trying to break into their environment for less than legitamite reasons (i.e. to hit on them, etc.). I'm sure the idea that you were a crossdresser who was genuinely interested in ballet never entered their minds.

I think if you would have been up front with them you would have got the exact same
reaction.

Well you could be right, and thank you for having a difference of opinion without being rude or randomly flamming me.

I handled it the best way I knew at the time and your approach may have been the better way to go.

However your analogy about women watching sports seems outdated I have noticed a lot more women watching football on Sunday

[Tamara Croft]

Either simmer down in this thread, or I will lock it, you got that? good... now back on topic and quit the arguing.

[balletchick]

Any way. I would imagine that when one is learning ballet there is a lot of awkward positions that one might not be comfortable doing if it were done in mixed company? Telling them that you were gay might of alleviated this a bit. Then when you told them that you CD they already knew you and felt comfortable with you. Or I could be completely off base here.

And that was the idea it calmed the situation at the time and later we all became friends even have coffee sometimes after class. They had a lot of questions about me being a cd.

Like did I take the class so I could wear tights and a leotard?

I told them I was already wearing tights and leos I took the class because I really like the artform which is true

They asked if I go out dressed?

Mostly just Halloween

They the asked how do or did your girlfriends like it?

I told I had two girlfriends that loved it and three that wanted no part if it

There were many other questions but those were the ones that I remember

[jessikasummerfox]

As a point of fact, I do think it is more socially acceptable to be thought of as "gay" than it is to be thought of as a "crossdresser." While I certainly believe that "gay" and "crossdresser" are merely different colors in the same rainbow, I think that the general public tends make stronger and more negative distinctions.

So, I can definitely understand the impulse to claim a "gay" identity over a "crossdressing" one, especially as a strategy to avoid those initial negative associations. Not everyone is prepared to face that same long series of intrusive questions that we seem to be answering again and again. Sometimes, there are many good reasons for being in the closet as there is a lot one can lose by coming out as a crossdresser. Many of the posts on this very forum can attest to that.

But one of the reasons why "coming out" has such importance for the gay community is that it helps overcome those timeworn stereotypes and makes the public accepting. I think more crossdressers would have to "come out" at lot more to reach the same level of acceptance as being gay has now and erase those negative stereotypes. (Go Eddie Izzard!)

In this regard, I do think it's pretty awesome that once you felt like you had their trust, you did tell them you were a crossdresser. I think it takes real wisdom to gain people's trust first and reveal yourself honestly once they seemed prepared for it. It takes real courage to come out, and I think you did a lot benefit for us other crossdressers because of it. Perhaps, there could have been another way of explaining your place at the ballet without having to unnecessarily claiming a gay identity, but ideal situations usually only work out in the imagination. You can only do the best you can.

But, to answer your question specifically, I have never claimed to be "gay" to make other people feel better. I'd rather let people assume what they want. And, the people who do notice my gender variance usually assume I'm gay anyway.

[balletchick]

Jessika thanks its funny because after I came clean with them it opened up a whole new line of communication. They still ask a lot of questions but they all seem completely relaxed and cool about the whole thing. One even suggested we go shopping but that never happened and I don't want to be pushy about it

[Fab Karen]

What does wearing a ballet outfit have to do with crossdressing? If these women are interested in performing ballet, they'd be quite familiar with the idea of male ballet dancers.

[Sally2005]

Ever watched three's company? Endless problems pretending to be something you are not. I don't know if I would say I CD. I don't see what's wrong with a guy taking ballet and why anyone would be uneasy.

[Janie Gunn]

There's certainly a few posts of differing opinion to cringe at in this thread!
I wouldnt ever tell anyone that I was gay, I've actually made a point of telling a couple of people that I'm not, to make sure they know the difference, when telling them I'm a tranny. But I understand how it would have alleviated tension. A white lie doesnt do any harm sometimes, and it was corrected.

On the topic of gay being more accepted, I met with a 24/7 cd from a local tv/cd support group yesterday, and during our long discussion she made the point a couple of times 'the gays and lesbians have won their war, we havent'. That workplaces will hire gays and lesbians but apparently they can be apprehensive about hiring a crossdresser, and similar situations like that, she pointed out. So, yes, I think they are more accepted than us tv/cd's are. and they've really been busy campainging for acceptance, and it has worked for the most part, wheras our group hasnt really been, we are still in the shadows when it comes to that I think.

Janie

[Nicki B]

I've always found, as someone who presents as a woman, yet is happily married to one, that the concept that that makes me 'straight' is more than faintly ludicrous...

[Billie_P]

Nope, of course, I'm not gay. I am who I am and I'm not going to lie about that.