Unwanted advice

[Debbie47]

I dont know if I am the only one with this problem but here it goes. I get out dressed to the local gay bars about 4 times a month. I have been given advice at least 3 times in the past months by gay men only. The first time Mr. Advice told me I needed to wear a lighter color wig because the one I wore was too harsh. The second time another (he was a drag show person) told me he could help me with my makeup. I did not know there was something wrong with the way I had it. Just a couple weeks ago another gay guy told me the dress I was wearing made me look like a grandma. Dont get me wrong, all these people were nice in how they gave me advice but I did not want it in the first place. I have never had a lesbian woman or a straight person give me clothing or makeup tips. Why is it gay men feel it is their duty to counsel us? Has anyone else had this happen?

Debbie

[jenniferhotcd]

if they are willing to help..then soak it up...dont be bitter about it..

[Christina Horton]

take it like this, They see you as the world sees you, If they see you need help they want to help out there sister's out there. If they can see it most other people could so take it and run with it. It won't hurt you If you try. One day they will say you look great don't change a thing. All thay want to do is help. let them and then you deccide if it's what they said is right .

[Debbie47]

I think my looks are just fine. Could they be improved? Possibly yes. The advice was coming from a bunch of drunks, sorry I did not mention this. I would never walk up to a guy in a bar and say your package might look bigger if you wore tighter pants or to a woman if your head was a bit smaller your boobs would look larger. You know what I mean. I have been dressing and experimenting for years and have improved much over those years. I do not pass 100% and never will. I did think about what was said even considering the inebriated source. Makeup wise I have had makeovers done in a local mall but they keep wanting to do the raccoon eye thing on me and at 49 I dont think it looks to good. I have tried all shades of hair but the darker shades look better and the dress I was wearing was quite age proper but I guess they wanted to see a leather miniskirt which with my legs (large calves) it would not look very good. They may mean well but once again why just guys, why not women?

Debbie

[ElaineB]

I probably can't help much, but I can sympathise! This is one of my biggest complaints in straight life. People are forever giving me unwanted advice, and as often as not it is stupid advice too.

Sometimes I think it might be a competitive thing, so people like me who make no effort to show off attract people who do. Does that fit?

[Paulacder]

Debbie, I have never seen anything wrong with the way you dress. Your cloths, hair and make up have always ben to the "T".... Love Ya...

[Ronni Seymour]

I can agree with Paula. You look great to me and it sounds like you've tried hard to find your look and perfect it. I know how it feels, but try not to let it bother you.

[Billie_P]

[SIZE="3"]The wonderful thing about advice is you can take it or leave it. As we all know, not all advice is good advice and then there is some good advice.[/SIZE]

[LACD]

[B][/B
Debbie at least you can get out and get opinions. I agree with other posts that your style is very good. Ask these guys if they would help when sober. I'd watch the Drag Queen though, she might get heavy handed with the make up.

[MarinaTwelve200]

Debbie, they do say that if a girl wants plain, unbiased clothes advice, she should ask a gay man. "They"? It was actually Cynthia Heimel in Sex tips for girls. Mind you, she didn't say a drunk gay man.
.

Thats likely correct, but don't you find it mystifying that men who are sexually interested in other men, and manly things, would know so much about how women should dress?

Perhaps a transsexual, (technically a homosexual, but a different variant) would, but a guy who is just 'gay" would, logically speaking , be the last person one would expect such advice from. Our definitions of "homosexual" need possibly to be modified, as from simple observation and experience alone, there DOES often seem to be an "opposite sexual" element there, but how it relates is a mystery.

[Miss Tessa]

Girl, guess what I have to say.

Some gay guys are just fierce. Plain and simple. They don't mean to be rude, they are truly trying to give you advice, it just doesn't get understood and well taken by straight people and people who don't understand.

Personally I think the Tri-Ess crowd tends to look like matronly grandmothers for the most part.

And so do alot of old CD's anyway.

But that is not the point.

All I'm saying is they were trying to help and you feel sensetive about it. You might have not felt it was polite of them to tell you those things because it kind of hurt your feelings a little. Which are perfectly valid feelings, but they only wanted to help is what I suspect is going on from my experiences like that.

And also, you have your own style. Of course there are better ways to apply makeup and more logical things to do to make dressing and makeup application look better, but you are entitled to your own style. But advice is great so even though your feelings got a little touched by what they told you, ya might want to be a little thankful somebody had the guts to tell you how to make a wig look more natural for instance.

[Ze xx]

My male gay friends are more likely to give me an honest opinion of what I'm wearing or my new hairstyle than my girlfriends tbh, not that I've always asked for their opinion mind you!

Although it was unwanted advice, it was probably meant kindly, and sometimes they may come up with something that you possibly hadn't thought of, or thought you could carry off. Othertimes it can come across as just plain rude, I know, but you never know, there may be a little gem in with all the unwanted comments.

Love Ze xx

[Miss Tessa]

Yes, Z xx told it really well.

[TxKimberly]

Well there are a couple of things that are worth considering in this.
First, your right - their offering unsolicited advice IS kind of rude and can help shoot down an ego. For that very reason, I do not offer advice here when people post pics UNLESS they specifically ask for it.
The next thing to be considered requires a little self honesty. Rude or not, they HAVE offered comments and advice. If your getting the same comment over and over you might want to at least consider what they are saying to see if they might have a point. As an example, if I had been told by several people that my hair was too dark, I would be inclined to take a good look in the mirror and consider what I might look like with lighter hair.
As for your dress making you look like an old lady, take that one with a grain of salt. Men, including gay men and a good deal of cross dressers, will almost always tell you "wear the short skirt, wear the high heels, etc, etc". That is more about them and what they want than you.

[MarcieM]

I think my looks are just fine.

Quite possibly, you are wrong.
Why not take the advice in the spirit that it was offered instead of getting a bad attitude about it?

[charlie]

Friendly advice is a good thing. You are not required to take the advice, but is offered in a friendly helpful way. Here you are in a gay bar filled with gay patrons. Most CD's are not gay, but go to gay bars for safety. You are in their local sanctuary. You are the guest here. Be happy that they are taking the time to even talk to you. Don't be bitter. You might even consider what is being said...some of their comments might be right on!

[Brandy Monroe]

Personally I would use the advice as a damn good reason to buy a new outfit or several, and a new hair style for the fun of it .

It may also be benificial to ask what they think would be a good change from their eyes. Even though your not dressing for them, an opinion can be a good reflective perception. It would be a good place to start a conversation aside from all the lame bar jibberjabber. just my

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

"We take what we need... and leave the rest! Like your salad bar!"
-Egg Shen (Big trouble in littel china)

[Debbie47]

Quite possibly, you are wrong.
Why not take the advice in the spirit that it was offered instead of getting a bad attitude about it?

Since when are we targets for others criticism just because we are crossdressed? Two of these people had just seen me for the first time. It is rude to walk up to a total stranger and give advice. I was curious about the makeup person, but I never had a chance for him to do my makeup as I never saw him again. I am not upset but just wondering if others have had this happen.

Debbie

[Raquel June]

Since when are we targets for others criticism just because we are crossdressed?

If they had just seen you for the first time, then you had also just seen them for the first time. They're probably like that to everybody. I'll bet they give all kinds of unsolicited advice to gay guys, GGs, and everyone else.

Try to think of yourself as an ambassador. Most of the crossdressers these guys run into at their gay bars are pretty flaky and anti-social. Show them you're a normal person and don't take it personally.

Speaking of rude, you're the one classifying all gay guys together as people who are rude and give unwanted advice.

I've had plenty gay guys give me advice before.

http://picasaweb.google.com/racquel9...46284100797826

See that guy? He's a drunk drag queen dressed as the Bride of Frankenstein. He told me he could help me with my makeup. He also told me we should hang out. He also told me I should do drag shows. I didn't take the comment about my makeup personally, and I know I looked kinda ridiculous with fake eyelashes, but it was Halloween after all.

A few months ago a drunk gay friend of mine who owns a salon kept giving me advice about my hair, and he ended up cutting my wig for free in the parking lot and that one looks a whole lot better now.

I can handle gay guys giving me advice on my look. I much prefer it to the drunk pseudo-straight guys and pervy crossdressers I run into all the time hitting on me and telling me their sexual fantasies that involve me. I've never got that kind of rude treatment from the nice friendly gay guys who happen to give a lot of unsolicited advice.


edit:

BTW, where were you? Adonis? The Dock? A smaller Cinci club?

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I'll bet they give all kinds of unsolicited advice to gay guys, GGs, and everyone else.

They probably fancy themselves a local version of the "Fab Five" from the late lamented "Queer Eye" shows.

http://picasaweb.google.com/racquel9...46284100797826
I didn't take the comment about my makeup personally, and I know I looked kinda ridiculous with fake eyelashes, but it was Halloween after all.

I think you look fine and NOT ridiculous with the lashes.

I much prefer it to the drunk pseudo-straight guys and pervy crossdressers I run into all the time hitting on me and telling me their sexual fantasies that involve me.

Heh.

I have given unsolicited fashion advice before, on this very forum. I try to do it rarely and tend to recommend only small tweaks to those who I think are doing a very good job otherwise.


Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[Tracii G]

I have a few gay guy friends and yes they can be brutal when it come to fashion.I had one last week tell me "Honey the jeans are fine but OMG get some new sneakers please!!Gary is so anal about shoes it borders on OCD so I tell him back off homo! We both laugh and let it go.
Take the advice use what you can and toss the rest.They really mean well its just the way they deliever the message it can seem rude I agree.

[ggtracy]

receiving unwanted advice- this was the biggest challenge for me when I first started dating my SO. I could not imagine why a CDer would be giving me fashion and makeup advice and I was quite offended at first.
Now i realize the motivation behind it and all is good.

but it definitately is hurtful when you think you look good and someone else gives unwanted advice. its like they are assessing you and pointing out all your flaws. Hang in there, like others have said you may never really know their motivation for being so free with their suggestions or maybe they are just the kind of people who like to cut others down to feel better about themselves. Either way, if they are strangers, don't give it a second thought. be yourself and be happy.

[Angie G]

Now and then I think we all could use a little advice hun. And lighten up they were just trying to help.
Angie