I like to try to make my milestone posts something really good, and this is something I have wanted to say for a while.
As you all know I only discovered my feminine side Back in May. In the short time since then, I have made incredible progress with learning to express this new and wonderful side of myself. I have gotten many comments on how brave I am and I'm sure there are many who think "troll, to good to be true". (C'mon Tristen tell me it hasn't run through your mind.) I have gotten to the point where Im afraid to post on some of the things I have done, as with the pool party. Bunny refused to let that one pass, and posted it herself. Reading about what you other girls have been through and are going through with your crossdressing, makes me look at myself and think, what is going on with me. I have thought about this very seriously and want to let you all know that Im not trying to compete with anyone or trying to show anyone up.
As I said, I have thought alot about why I am moving so fast, and here's some of what I have come up with. First I think my discovery at so late an age has helped. Its possible that not having to overcome the habits of years of hiding it and being in the closet, have made thigs easier for me. Also my age gives me a bit more maturity to deal with my feelings.
Second, I have never really fit in anywhere. Finding that I belong someplace and that I am accepted, has been one of the most wonderful things that has ever happened to me. Its not hard to wonder why I have taken off and run with this so fast, when you can see it this way. I have all of you gals to thank for giving me such fantastic love and support. On the opposite side of this, since I dont fit in elsewhere and feel Im not accepted, I find that it is easy to take the attitude who cares what others think, Im going to do what makes me feel right and happy. I just feel like I have nothing to lose with the general public, so why not express myself the way I wish. I mean its not like I'm doing something that harms anyone.
Last for now, I have had some pretty serious demons to fight in my life. In my late teens and early twenties I had a very bad drug and alcohol problem. It was so bad that I ended up spending a year and a half in prison for drug crimes. I spent several years going daily to 12 step meetings. Sometimes 2-3 meetings a day. One of the most important things I learned was ACCEPTANCE. I learned to accept myself and what life was bringing me. This is the only reason I can think of why I havn't felt any guilt or shame about my wanting to dress and feel fem. It feels right to me, and I'm not harming myself or others, so I accept that this is part of who I am. I'm still not sure why I didnt find my fem side during my intense recovery when I did a lot of deep soul searching. I guess I just wasnt ready to find her until now.
Sorry this is so wordy, but it is something I felt I had to get off my chest. Im not trying to compete with or show anyone up. I'm just letting Charlene develop at the pace she feels she needs. As a final thought, without the support of Bunny and all of the wonderful gals here in this forum, I would not be doing half as well as I am. My love and biggest hug to all of you.