Why do you Think?

[Penelope Marie]

I was just wondering why?, Why some of us and not only T/G and CD's but people in general have issues with who we are? I think a lot of it has to do with our up bringing and what we were taught as a child. i was brought up in a home that was pretty much religious. Southern Baptist in fact, i no longer follow the Baptist for various reasons. However, how i was raised for 18+ years till i got out of my parents home was ingrained with in me. It is difficult to shake 18 years of teachings.

i think in America sex was labeled taboo from the start and all that falls under that umbrella. As well as a lot of other things such as being T/G CDing and a host of other things. As a child i was taught the wrongs but never the rights, my parents were too busy it seems to notice me and my sibs. They love us i am sure but they don't know who we are or even what we are. A mistake was quickly pointed out but a success was always over looked. No praises, no good job i am proud of you or any thing like that. But, let me do some thing considered wrong and the lashings come with a vengeance. Once my dad spanked us at church because he had told us not to leave the building. My brothers left i did not. I got spanked any ways. After i told my dad i did not leave what was his response, I'm sorry, Are you kidding no he said well that's was for what your going to do! thats it no i am sorry no apology.


I wonder what it is about me that seems to drive the opposing sex to run for cover? I have not had a good relationship ever with a woman.. Yes I've been in love and i love that feeling but they never last. People tell me life is what you make it. i don't believe it's that simple. what about those of us who suffer from a low self worth, or low self esteem, or other difficulties. or depression as i often fall into that pit. coupled with my sense of loathing that's a dangerous mix.

i often say i don't want a relationship , however, it would be so nice to hear some one tell me they love me and want me and maybe even need me. even in the chat rooms i frequent i am ignored i just wonder why? is it true that GG's only want the bad boys? if so i am indeed doomed to a life of solitary. i am not a "bad" boy never have been and can't see it in what ever future i may have left. i am more connected to my feelings and my thoughts than my physical traits. It is true i do not like my body and feel uncomfortable in it but still i need to connect with some one. As much as i hate it every one wants and needs that sense of belonging and that assurance that they are loved. And i also have the fact that i am T/G or what ever i might be to deal with. some times i feel comfortable with my self other times like now i don't. i often find myself in the grips of depression and some say "snap out of it" well if only i could i surly would.

so why do some of us have issues with who we are while others don't? i would like that key to being comfortable with who and what i am. We are some times made to feel shame for all sorts of things, being gay or T/G or any other thing, Why? why can we not accept who others are and not concern ourselves in their business? why do some of us (people) feel we have the upper hand on life and have it all wrapped up in a neat little package? Why are some dealt better hands than others? is life really what you make it? or is there some key ingredient i and others are missing? i try to believe in myself however it does get difficult at times. some times i simply want to find a rock to crawl under and say F$%# the whole thing. I'd be intrested in any ones thoughts on this.

[Noxvictum]

Why? I never really tried to figure it out. But on my birthday, I got part of the answer to a question I never asked. But it wasn't just being born with it. Life has kicked me in the ass pretty hard, and I am who I am today because of it. The Trey that's here now was made, not born (Trey being my real name, and I happen to rather like it).

[GaleWarning]

It's simple ... we have been trained since birth to categorise people according to the differences between them, rather than the samenesses.

This results in us becoming judgemental and unaccepting and, sadly, judged unacceptable to society.

[Rachel Morley]

I was just wondering why? ... Why some of us and not only T/G and CD's but people in general have issues with who we are? ... I wonder what it is about me that seems to drive the opposing sex to run for cover? ... Even in the chat rooms i frequent i am ignored i just wonder why? ... Is it true that GG's only want the bad boys? ... So why do some of us have issues with who we are while others don't? ... We are some times made to feel shame for all sorts of things, being gay or T/G or any other thing, Why? ... Why can we not accept who others are and not concern ourselves in their business? .... Why do some of us (people) feel we have the upper hand on life and have it all wrapped up in a neat little package? ... Why are some dealt better hands than others? ... Is life really what you make it? or is there some key ingredient i and others are missing?

Gosh Penelope, that's a LOT of questions and a LOT of "why"s ! I don't have all the answers but I can relate to a lot of things in your post ... things like: low self esteem, depression, sense of self-loathing, being lonely, saying I don't want a relationship, etc etc ... I've had all of these in my life too. It's a complicated world that we live in and we complicate even further by our own expectations that we place upon ourselves and those of society in general. All I can say is "there is someone for everyone" .... you just have to be patient and it will eventually happen. God has a plan for all of us, we learn from life experiences along the way. It's hard and emotionally draining but like I said in a previous post , it's "once around the block" and then that's it. I would say try to build up your self esteem by trying to surround yourself with things that make you happy and people that value you, and also make you happy. Just try to enjoy your life as best you can, stand tall, trust in your luck, and stride forward like a soldier!

[mklinden2010]

Anything is difficult when you're not well prepared for it.

The answer to most your questions are numerous - just start making lists in answer to your questions:

Baptists feel this way. Democrats feel this way. Old people feel this way. Most shrinks take the position that... And, so on.

Make the lists, study the answers you come up with, ask people about what your thinking about. Some day, you're going to be surprised that you impress someone as, "Having your stuff together."

Bingo!

Right now, could be you're trouble to be around because you have more questions than answers. But, when people start asking YOU questions, and you have "good" answers, your popularity will pick up. (Just try to provide information without arguing...)

Along the way, of course, you'll define your own views and your own place in the world. Not everyone will like your views, but it's like the song says:

"You don't always get what you want. But, if you try sometime, you might find, you get what you need."

(Credit: The Rolling Stones)

[Carly D.]

This may or may not be a good response here but I was looking at my myspace page and on the updates section (where it says this person did this or joined that forum or whatever) there was one of the "girls" had joined a site that was cross dressers who are still guys when dressed up.. I'm thinking "oh really, and what would we be, horses?" I mean I know what they are saying, that even while dressed these guys are still exactly that.. men.. and I feel like that is what I am is a man even when trying to look female.. and I look less female then most when dressed up.. I feel more comfortable when dressed up but am worried about being caught so I am listening for the car door to slam out side..

[Frédérique]

[SIZE="2"]Why do we think? Because we can…[/SIZE]

I was just wondering why?, Why some of us and not only T/G and CD's but people in general have issues with who we are? I think a lot of it has to do with our up bringing and what we were taught as a child.

[SIZE="2"]You aren’t born with this confusion, that’s for sure. Other people bombard you from all directions with what they want you to think when you’re young -- you know, while your head is still soft. They did it to me. It takes a lifetime to realize you don’t need to care about people that “have issues” with who we are. It sounds simple, but I know it’s not – you need to have issues with them instead…[/SIZE]

It is true i do not like my body and feel uncomfortable in it but still i need to connect with some one. As much as i hate it every one wants and needs that sense of belonging and that assurance that they are loved.

[SIZE="2"]Being here is an excellent start, Penelope. You’ve made a connection and you are loved…[/SIZE]

A mistake was quickly pointed out but a success was always over looked. No praises, no good job i am proud of you or any thing like that.

[SIZE="2"]Same here. I was only reluctantly praised when I mowed the lawn correctly. Tough love, I suppose, but why can't it be better and more loving?[/SIZE]

We are some times made to feel shame for all sorts of things, being gay or T/G or any other thing, Why?

[SIZE="2"]There is no shame to feel, Penelope. Someone started this “shame” business a long time ago, probably to control people’s minds. I admire people that question things and take their own path in life. Live life on your own terms and not theirs…[/SIZE]

i try to believe in myself however it does get difficult at times.

[SIZE="2"]You must believe in yourself and love yourself at all times. It's easy -- just keep trying…[/SIZE]

[Cheshire Gummi]

This is a world of killers, tyrants, and thieves and someone out there really has a bug in his craw because I want a skirt. How f!?#ing objective.

I can't tell you how angry it makes me that truth and decency have been perverted into "opinion." There aren't enough words with nearly the appropriate potency to describe the depth of my rage that somehow people have been convinced that it's okay to be a hateful, ugly person if you just hamper it with five-dollar words and statistics you pulled out of your ass.

It's not an "opinion" that being a TG is wrong, it's bare-faced bigotry. Anyone who has an issue with themselves because of the ignorant teachings of their fathers, mothers, whomever, don't be such a drone. Wake up and smell the ashes; it's later than you think.

[Schatten Lupus]

IMO, it's because most people live in a very fragile bubble, and when something that is not part of the norm, including something about themselves, that bubble is popped.
Also, most people fear public redicule and rejection. My sociology book in high school even went as far as to claim that most people have a desire to be a part of the "in-group" and being a social outcast is a difficult place to be in. That class just happened to have an intern teacher, who taught strictly by the books. I taught him a few things about how books and life do not coincide that often.