Originally Posted by
Tamera
Honey,
I know you feel betrayed. But I did not know what was going on inside of me to tell you and the fear of what you may say or think was also a conflict to tell you.
I needed to realize what was going on. There was no one to talk to, no one to seek support. I felt like I was the only one in this world. Then with the help of some friends I was able to seek support and ask questions.
My journey has been long and finding out about myself and who I am has been a constant challenge.
My male side loves you and seeks that male to female relationship.
My female side loves to be held and caressed and loves to feel wanted by society and men.
If I was 16 again I would change my 2 genders into one female gender. But I will live my life as it is.
As for us, I can be many things to you. I can be your husband, your best friend, and your sister, just to name a few. I can help you with female things such as make up, clothing etc., just as you can help me. I am unique in who I am to where I can be many things to you that a so-called regular man can never be.
I have been accepted in society to where I have been out shopping, to the zoo, to the park and even got a girl job at Big Boy Restaurant and KMart. These have been struggles for my "girl" side that have been accomplishments of what I can do when put my mind to it.
The Transgender world takes many avenues as I have talked to them. All the way from simple Crossdressing to SRS. And one can never judge one TG thinking that thats the way it is for we are all different with different ideas. Each giving their own identity to their female self.
If I was to clasify myself to fit into society's way of thinking I guess you could say I am double-gendered and possibly post-SRS. Though I have no intention of Hormones or SRS if we were not together I know there is a possibilty I would get a Breast Augmentation, and live more female than male. But I have started this life with you and have no intention of being the girl full time, but yet I would like you to know and try to understand that my girl-side needs to come out and vent. I have tried to suppress her and have thrown things away just to end up buying them again later. She is very much a part of me.
Where did she come from? I understand that she was born as I was being made in the womb. Though she did not make herself known till later in life she was always "Jabbing" me in side, making me aware of her presence. I did not understand then, who she was. But now that I have been in support groups, I found out who she is, what she is, and where she came from.
Its a constant struggle living 2 genders. Each seeking acceptability in their own way.
Though what I have said is short it took me 50+ years to see what I see now. My girl side has not had much of a chance to live. She has missed her childhood years, her teen years, and her years to be young. She tries to make up for lost time by being who she can be for the short time that she has. Maybe thats dressing more often, or dressing younger than she is for instance. Or maybe just hangin out with other TG's.
Being TG also takes a toll on family life. With parents and children.
I wish people(including family), would investigate what a TG is before they judge who we are.
We are starting to get recognized in the work place and society, that was never heard of before. I follow Human Rights Campaigns, and keep an eye on any legislator being inacted into laws both locally and nationally.
Why did God give me 2 genders I will never know. I just hope he makes it more simple and gives me just "one" next time.
Hugs to all and much luck in your journey.
Tamera