Hi Kelly and welcome to our thoughtful family!
Everyone of us who carries two genders around inside of us treats the relationship between those two genders a bit differently. Hmm, "treats" is the wrong word: it's just the fact of our internal wiring that the two genders have a relationship.
For me, if there is any stress in my life, my femme side, Tina, just can't handle it. Being Tina takes everything I have, emotionally. Also, Tina has evolved to think "as a woman". My wife has worked with us (Tina and me) to understand the fundamental differences that exist in the socialization of girls and boys as they grow up. At this point Tina is socialized enough to be a different entity from the male me. Thus, if my wife and I need to discuss important issues in our lives (including having a disagreement), Tina has to give way to my male self. Not only can't Tina handle the stress, but she is not the person who should be discussing important issues that belong in the husband/wife realm.
Having said that, when things aren't stressful, Tina and my wife do discuss issues about my male self as if I were a third person. Well, actually I am a third person, and that is really the whole thing: We are three people. My wife and I can discuss things about Tina (and often do), and Tina and she can discuss things about me.
That, I believe, is the kind of situation you just experienced. His personas were on overload, and the issue, he probably felt, involved his male side. Thus, he couldn't emotionally deal with it unless he was firmly his male self. It sounds that like me, he is one person with two perspectives on life. Also, it seems that he is so committed to you that he would not allow anyone else, even his feminine side, to get between the two of you when an important discussion had to happen. I view that as a strong commitment to your relationship.
I hope this helps!
tina and him!