What do you really want?

[helenr]

I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons. We have to cope with the concerns of alienating others, risking marriages or relationships, worry about revealing the 'secret stuff',etc.
I got to wondering what it is we truly want related to our crossdressing? I underdress always, wear Silk Reflections daily-sometimes without socks to hide the Little Color beige hose, ladies casual slacks, find myself pushing the envelope so to speak. Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr

[Laura_Stephens]

If I woke up tomorrow as a GG, I would be truly happy. Sadly, this is the "real world" and it ain't gonna happen.

And, as you point out, SRS isn't really there for a zillion reasons. Relative to that issue, for me, no matter what gets sliced, diced, chopped, or julienne fried, my chromosomes would still be that of a male while my brain still wishes ALL of the cells in my body were female.

So, like many others on a wide personality scale, I do those things that let me know that I am both male and female without letting the "outside world" see the real me.

In the words of a great philosopher, "Life sucks, then you die."

[NathalieX66]

I've been pondering the path of Betty Crow, the husband of Helen Boyd, author of My Husband Betty & She's Not the Man I Married. We are a lot alike in many ways, and in fact we come from the same culture an age group, and also my social circle is in the same geographic location.
....but where I depart from someone who is in mid-transition ( like Betty) is the fact that I have too much of a sense of my self as a man. Betty says, and I quote, "my dysphoria doesn't manifest itself in the physical, it always manifests itself in the social"

...sounds like a lot of fun to me.

But for countless reasons, I decided to remain the simple crossdresser instead of persuing transition as the said name above. Making such a move as becoming a TS would be far to great a sacrifice that I'm not willing to give....thus a compromise. I would have more to lose than I could possibly bear. Half a loaf of bread is better than none.

[boardpuppy]

Hi Helen,
I heard Laura's philospheer's quote a little more litterly "Life suchs, then you die and you wake up right back where you started". The "reasons" list is endless and oh, I wish it wasn't so.

Hugs,
Alice

[sterling12]

To quote Henry David Thoreau: "Most Men (T-Gurls?) lead lives of quiet desperation."

So, even though many of us feel that "pull," it's just not in The Cards. The question then becomes, "What are you going to do about it, within The Boundaries that you have set for yourself?"

OK, probably we are back to working on that Self-Acceptance Thing again, aren't we?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Cheshire Gummi]

To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.

If people acknowledge that I'm male, that's perfectly acceptable. I'm not asking them to tear down there perceptions of the gender, nor am I so arrogant as to say I would challenge those perceptions. It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined.

For instance, I'd rather be called "beautiful" than "handsome." If others choose not to say "she" or "Miss" it's to be expected.

Now if you're just asking "would I want to be a real girl if I could?" my answer is simple; I already am. The body defines the soul like preference in pizza toppings defines shoe size.

[Miranda09]

Sometimes I have that compulsion to self out myself to others, but at the same time, I'm not willing to let just anyone into my secret life. I'm happy with who and what I am, both male and female selfs..so with that, transitioning is just not in the picture. I would say that if I would want anyone to eventually accept both sides of me, it would be a SO, who ever that eventually turns out to be. I'd be happy with that.

[txrobinm]

never seriously thought about transitioning. A genie granting a reversible wish? Sure, but I like me as male with the option of dressing up female.

SRS isn't really reassignment- the genes are still the genes, as evidenced by where the fat is stored, build (especially shoulders), relative length of fingers, hair loss patterns, etc. Hormones can only do so much. Still, I admire the courage exhibited by those who go through it in an effort to be true to themselves. It is certainly better than faking your whole life, or taking your life in a fit of desparation.

I self-out a little by "knowing too much" (been said by more than one female coworker, relating to appearance, mostly).

Sometimes Robin needs to get some air, and it would be nice to let her out without endangering my job, reputation, or marriage.

[kellycan27]

never seriously thought about transitioning. A genie granting a reversible wish? Sure, but I like me as male with the option of dressing up female.

SRS isn't really reassignment- the genes are still the genes, as evidenced by where the fat is stored, build (especially shoulders), relative length of fingers, hair loss patterns, etc. Hormones can only do so much. Still, I admire the courage exhibited by those who go through it in an effort to be true to themselves. It is certainly better than faking your whole life, or taking your life in a fit of desparation.

I self-out a little by "knowing too much" (been said by more than one female coworker, relating to appearance, mostly).

Sometimes Robin needs to get some air, and it would be nice to let her out without endangering my job, reputation, or marriage.

Knowing too much ? it isn't about the body, that's just cosmetics. It about what's in the heart, head and soul. We try and change the outside to fit what's on the inside. And we that can....do, those who can't don't, but whether we do or don't doesn't really matter because we are still the same on the inside. Now you "know" just a little more

Kelly

[MissyW]

Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.

[kellycan27]

Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.

Does that mean that you don't have the desire to transition, or that you are willing to settle for what you can?
Just curious
Kel

[Jenniferpl]

I agree with 100% with MissyW. Witha supportive spouse, no need to transition.

[Kate Simmons]

It depends Helen. The crossdressing itself can become an all consuming entity bent on self interest if allowed to. This is where true wisdom comes in as sometimes being given an "inch" becomes taking a "mile". This is why it's a much better goal to work on ourself as far as being a person rather than being a crossdresser.

[shannonFL]

Almost routinely, I reconcile my desires this way.....which is worse...repressed transexualism or self actualization with all of its chaotic effects on loved ones I have committed to, maybe I'm not really TS, I can only pretend to understand the feelings of someone like myself who has made a different choice...if it is really a choice....
Flashback 20 yrs. ago...so much makes sense to me now....if I had the information...resources...like the brain trust of this forum...

[Jonianne]

.......Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr

......many of us feel that "pull,"......

I describe it as, there is a part of me that would love to be female, but I know I am not. So, I don't have a strong compulsion to go any farther than dressing occasionally.

To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.......It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined......

When I was seeing a therapist, she told me that I presented myself in such a masculine way, that no one ever would know I felt feminine in the least. She suggested that I find ways of presenting myself more how I felt on the inside so that others would see a more true representation of who I am. So I found ways of dressing and being a little more feminine without losing my masculinity.

Maybe that is why we want to out ourselves in little ways.

[skirtsuit]

I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons

That is a HUGE assumption for a crossdressers forum. I have zero interest in any kind of permanent transition. I value my guy side and plan on keeping it. I have found I can enjoy the best of both worlds.

what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr

I found it recently when I started going out fully dressed. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I don't think I'll ever really pass, but I don't care. I have met many wonderful and friendly women and been treated like 'one of the girls' eventho I'm a guy in a dress!

All the Best,
Ann / SS

[Carol A]

I guess at age 70 I have been there and done most all of it. I am a happy crossdresser and have gone almost as far as I can go or better yet as far as the wife will let me go.

What more would I like?, well to be able to dress full time as a crossdresser and not have to get undressed after 6 or 7 hours but the wife said "NO" !
But I am happy to dress everyday and enjoy as much as I can.

[Wen4cd]

I want to treat people how I would be treated.

I want integration to mean the she and I remain distinct in invocation and inner voice, so that she's always there for me, and I'm always there for her, and the syzygy is never lost.

I want to want less. I want to hide up in these mountains forever and watch the seasons change and the animals live and die in nature's endless cycle. I want to sleep in a tent warm and cozy while a storm rages just outside.

She wants to live. To be seen, heard, felt, and affirmed. She wants to meet you on the train platform once a year, stroll around the city, eat out, go to museums and galleries, and be and experience 'culture' with you, because she's that part which 'is' that.

She wants to see you how you see yourself in dreams. She wants to treat you how you want to be treated. She wants to end your loneliness and fear and impossibility, to hold your hand through the scary spots, and to give you the strength of company, which remains with you after we part, with the assurance of knowing that we will meet again, and do this all again some time, because life is meant to be lived. This is what makes her feel alive.

[Leanne2]

What do I really want? I need to think about that for a minute. When I was little my mother caught me wearing a dress. As she helped me to undress she told me that boys don't wear dresses. When I asked her why she said," Just because." I couldn't understand that logic. Now I believe that I would like to be "out" to everyone; sort of like a third gender.
Years ago it was acceptable in some circles for a boy to be raised by his mother to be a sissy. He could dress and act feminine and people would just say," Oh, he's just a sissy." Today if someone's openly gay son acts feminine people may not like it but most accept it. The problem is that I am not gay. A straight feminine person is considered to be impossible. Well guess what; we are out there. The general public either doesn't know it or won't believe it. Thanks for putting up with my rant. Leanne

[skirtsuit]

The general public either doesn't know it or won't believe it.

I believe that that is slowly changing. If the young girls at the Claire's who pierced my ears are representative of their generation, I'd say things are definitely changing. They just sort of shrugged and said nobody really cares about that stuff anymore. They obviously know that gender boundries are not so clear cut.

All the Best,
Ann / SS

[GinnySmith]

I love your post, I feel much the same. I want to get Ginny out and into the group. BTW, you are very pretty!

[Amanda Shaft]

That’s such a big question for me: I am so confused! I used to think I was just a straight forward Cd’er: hetro male who since the age of four just liked to be a girl now and then. That carried on for years but now I’m not sure, I think I would, if I could, go full time and live as a female. I’m stopped in doing that by all the things that have been spoken of here: family, commitments, finances etc. and I guess a lack of true courage. I guess what brought it all home a bit was the other day a guy asked me to go out with him on a date. I felt really flattered and excited until I thought about it a little: the problem is I’m just a fraud! When I take my bra off my boobs fall on the floor, my wig slips when I’m asleep, I don’t have a waist and hips and I have other ‘bits and bobs’ that I keep tucked but are there. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the manic depressive I might be sounding; it’s just that ‘Amanda’ is and she deserves more. In the end though if God had wanted me to be a girl he would let me win the lotto tonight!

[MJ]

Knowing too much ? it isn't about the body, that's just cosmetics. It about what's in the heart, head and soul. We try and change the outside to fit what's on the inside. And we that can....do, those who can't don't, but whether we do or don't doesn't really matter because we are still the same on the inside. Now you "know" just a little more

Kelly

and for some of us srs is the only choice for a zillion reasons.
if the truth be told we have no choice it who we are.

[Prissy Linda]

It's rather simple what I want. I don't want to transition, I would just like to be able to dress however I want to dress without the constraints society has placed on how men should dress and act. It's not about passing 100%, in reality most of us don't so why try to fool ourselves into thinking we do (although I try).

I have a supportive wife who has always accepted my feminine nature for which i'm very fortunate to have but that isn't enough for me, I just want to be able to go out and dress and live the way I have always felt deep inside. So why don't I ? Family, finances, yada yada yada. Ok, maybe it's not so simple. shutting up now.

[meri]

To simply be me, myself. To be able to freely express who and what I feel I am at the moment without fear or concern about what others may be thinking.

I don't want to be a woman and frankly, I have never felt I was a "man". All my life, I have been wondering when I would grow up and be "man" like my father was. Finally figured out that it wasn't going to happen.

Thus, I don't necessarily fit into any "bucket" or group and after much pondering have decided I don't need to anyway. Problem with trying to fit-in is you are always wondering if your behavior and manner of dress is compatible with the bucket you are a member of! Thus, I choose "no bucket", "no identity". I am unique, a million years of evolution has gone into making me. I simply want to express myself as I feel in any given moment.

Sometimes this means wanting to be pretty, other times it means wanting to be dapper. Go figure....

GG's do this effortlessly all the time and I have seen them make radical changes in outfits in a single day... I wish to do the same. That's the direction I am heading and I have made some progress....