Enlightened in our pursuit of our "enfemme" side?????
I've been thinking about this for awhile now and it's bothering me some, but not a lot, but I wanted to put this out and see what some of you think about this....
I'm not talking about those of you who have gone and had medical proceedures to change your appearence, nor those of you who really are a female in a male body....I'm talking about those of us who are drawn into this lifestyle which to most it seems in a "one way ticket" in and no way out situation. Some go though great amounts of emotional distress and pain....all for this "being weird" and looking like "a guy in adress" as some would call us....we all go through a great deal of finding the right wig or breast forms or this dress or that dress and what size jeans or can my make up work better...all the stuff we do to look "enfemme". Are we weird or do we really possess some of the make up that women have...more than most men?
I'm sitting here typing this wearing a thong and a pair of heels...my "normal attire" when I'm home alone....I have two piecings in my ears tweeze my brows, paint my toenails 24/7 and had my first pedicure and brought my own polish to have them painted and wear panties and womans jeans 99% of the time. I've gone in drab and dressed to have make overs. I go out clubbing at least 2 - 3 times a month and have been out several times dressed to shop and have no quams about buying women's clothing...so I don't think I can be classified as hiding my "secret"...and if I do then I don't think I'm doing a very good job....
It seems that most of us once we get into dressing become addictive in some form shape or manner and can't stop. We progress from dressing at home secretively to telling our wives or SO's at risk of having the realtionship/marriage go south...yet we continue to dress...
From there we or some of us become bolder to the point of needing to step out the front door and go into the "real world" as a woman....in doing this we risk riducule, exposure of "outing ourselves" to people we might know and in doing so let "our little secret" out to the wolrd at large. Even better, we go to complete strangers who, if not at first glance, will at first voice will know we are no a female but a guy dressed as one. This is often called by sociaty in general as a guy in a dress or a weirdo or a freak...but we still go forth and let ourselves be labled as such.
Sure we go to the cosmetic counter or dress stores or shoe shops to purchase the latest and greatest womna's clothing for our own wearing and satisfaction...and these SA's all treat us (most of the time) as if we are jsut another customer i.e. "normal customer although we know and they know that this isn't "normal"...and I often wonder what they are really thinking while they are assisting us with a smile on their face and graciousness in their service....they even help us into the woman's dressing area and are there to fetch this and that article of clothing inorder for us to find that "just right outfit".
Don't get me wrong...we all enjoy this for those of us who have or are going out to shop and and enjoy that aspect of "being out". We go to clubs or out to eat or movies or other events as one of the girls...
I do enjoy all the things I've done outside as a girl, and I don't ever see myself stopping...in fact I see myself getting more and more bolder in what I do "enfemmed"....
But I ask myself this question. If I am doing this now and I know that it's very much not something that society in general will accept, approve or otherwise show much embracing for this life style, then why do we do it knowing that
A) 99.9% of us will never pass...
B) we do so with a fair amount of risk involved for some "yo yo" to decide to thump on the "pervert" just for fun....
C) we go to great lengths and expense to buy everyhting we can that will help us to achieve our best "girl look"...
Do we go through all we go through because we're "nuts" and have this "thing" we've just got to do...or maybe it's because we're different...different in a way that makes us "enlightened". We are truly special in the sense that we have come to terms and have accpeted this female side that exists in all men just as a male side exists in all females. Most of the human race never reaches the point of expressing there "other side" be it female or male....but we do. So I ask "why"? Why do we go out and become so attached to this lifestyle that it is not far from describing it as "addictive" and that's a term that I can say would possible apply to my involvement in dressing at this point. But I also would that I have also acknowledge the fact that I have a female side, I accept my female side and I validate it though my dressing...so for me to reach this point this place this existance for me is a evloutaionary process that I have reached though my ability of being enlightened to what my inner self is....and that is simply a male side and a female side of sellf and by embracing and accepting this fact I have brought myself to a place where I truly feel I am now a complete and whole person....and it's not as much of how I look outside to others as it is to how I feel inside to my self....
So if you have reached this point in reading what I have written, what are your thoughts about all of this???? How do you feel about yourself and dressing???