I need your opinion on this...

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

Children have to be protected from everything.

That's utter horsecrap.
Children need to be taught everything.

If you aren't a parent yourself, you can't possibly understand what it is like. If you don't live around children 24/7 then you can't possibly have any idea what children are like. You have to answer this question from a parents point of view, not how it was for you when you were that age.

I'm no parent, but I do live with a child and his parents 24/7.

I was also a child once, believe it or not, and even lived with some. But unlike other children, my mind developed at a radically accelerated rate so at the age of 5 I was comprehending things most preteens didn't understand.

So maybe I have a skewed view.

This is why I pointed out only one person can make the decision because there are always variables to any scenario and no one person has all the answers even if they think they are right because they have special abilites decorations privileges or responsibilites.

[Tamara Croft]

That's utter horsecrap.
Children need to be taught everything.

Really EVERYTHING??? I beg to differ..... I seriously DOUBT that you would teach a child what pornography is or BDSM..... need I go on??

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

Really EVERYTHING??? I beg to differ..... I seriously DOUBT that you would teach a child what pornography is or BDSM..... need I go on??

I parry with the notion of "protecting" your child from everything, such as other races, cultures, religions, scientific beliefs and even worldy news.

If you ever do go on be sure to elaborate on such vague, all-encompassing statements.

[Rachael Warren]

Children can be very cruel. One comment can lead to another and that child could then become alienated throughout their school life. If I told our youngest daughter who is 11, that her dad is a CD and she then went on to tell her friends at school.... the outcome might not be pretty. Those children could then go on to tell their parents, those parents who might not know or understand what a crossdresser is, could then tell their children to keep away from our daughter and even start spreading malicious rumours throughout the school to other parents. What kind of school life would our daughter then have?? I wouldn't even consider telling her (unless it was vital) until I thought she was old enough to truely understand.

You have to look at the whole picture, not just the home life. You have to think about how this is going to affect the children, not just you. So when making a decision, think very carefully the consequences it could have on them. They might think it's a bit of fun painting daddies nails...... but that's all it is to a 9 and 10 year old, a bit of fun.

I told my eldest daughter when she was 16 and had left school. She took it pretty well and was at the age where she could understand what I was telling her. I don't think my 11 year old is quite ready to comprehend that her dad has fem feelings and dresses like a woman. She has 5 years of school ahead of her and that imho is enough to cope with.

Thanks Tamara, this was what I was trying to say, you said it much better.

Rachael.

[Tristen Cox]

I don't see why anyone would care what their child's friends think about them.

What planet did you grow up on? Try reading Julie Marie's post at the top of this section.

If all you have to lose is some popularity in the pre-pubescent world than you have nothing to lose.

For a child they have very little to lose so to lose anything makes a BIG difference, I know all too well. (still see JM's post)

Age means almost nothing in this case, because understanding is not the issue. The child doesn't have time to worry about the intricacies of the "why".

Ok I'm sure you will go on believing that, but it's not as true as you think.

They just need to accept and younger peoples being less affected by outside sources of sway and conformment would be far more likely to not pass judgement in such a case.

They may not pass judgement if they know earlier and don't find out through someone else. But then again they may not yet be ready, what's a couple years. When you're 25 if dad told you he wore women's clothes, that's when you really have to worry, all the outside has been imbedded into their heads in their teens.

Only the parents know what stage their children are and together can decide if they are rready to be told something like this.

[Rachael Warren]

I don't see why anyone would care what their child's friends think about them.

If all you have to lose is some popularity in the pre-pubescent world than you have nothing to lose.

Age means almost nothing in this case, because understanding is not the issue. The child doesn't have time to worry about the intricacies of the "why".

They just need to accept and younger peoples being less affected by outside sources of sway and conformment would be far more likely to not pass judgement in such a case.

Tell the kids.

I guarantee you will regret not doing so early on.

With respect, I feel that you are missing a very important point here.

What a child percieves as normal in his/hers home life, is normal in daily life.

Think about this scenario, A child is awaiting her parents to pick her up from school, another pair of mothers are chatting outside the school about going to the nail tech and having their nails polished bright red, an inquisitive child may say something like "nice nails, my daddy has his nails polished red when he wairs his wig", a completely innocent remark, but one that could esculate beyond all proportions. This wouldn't be the childs fault, after all it is completely normal to her!

I think that you must have raised kids yourself to understand the gravity of this, it isn't a decission that should be taken lightly.

From the mouths of babes...................

[Melissa A.]

I'm not sure that a 9 or 10 year old would be that open about it. Kids of that age, by then are pretty saavy and aware. But I also think adult things like crossdressing should probably not be a part of their world, and frankly, is none of their business.

The fact is, unless they are extaordiarilly mature for their age. your relationship with them, and their perception of you may very well change. It may not be detremental to them in the long run, but it probably won't be easy for them at first, and maybe for a while. I personally feel that kids of that age are finding their feet socially, sexually, and in other ways, and putting this on their plate right now probably is a bit much.

I think if you show them alot of love, and try your best to raise them to be tolerant and open minded to difference, they will be ok when you finally let them know.

Hugs,

Melissa

[Katie Ashe]

Thank you everyone for commenting. Here is were I stand at the time I write this. My kids are very close and understanding with me. The are used to seeing the Lesbian couple across the street hug and kiss, although they understand they are dating and living together, they accept that as it is at face value. I simply want to tell them to be open and have them to continue to trust me as we don't really keep secrets. We treat them the age they are and respect them as a whole person. Dawn ML wants to wait to tell them when there older. One big speed bump is they can't keep secrets... My little chatter boxes. Although everyone in my family whom counts knows and understands not to bring it up around the kids. I can continue to sneak around the house, for a few years, I've been doing it for 20 so far. I agree that they should learn about the facts of life. But my daughter is kinda closed minded on men wearing makeup and dresses, she thinks girls stuff are girls and boys stuff are boys . And they aren't to overlap.

Currently I am dealing with a racial issue with my daughter "dating". She is being told she can only date within her color. The doctor has informed us from his recent physical, my son is now fertal. I'm being told to stop putting it off. I tried to talk to him about sex tonight, it didn't go well, he is too young to understand what I'm telling him. But this sex stuff is whole nother subect.

This posting is not easy for me, and for the ones without kids, I hope things are easier for your when it's your turn. I will wait to tell them, as I think they are not ready to understand. If I were not asking this, I would have told them blindly and hoped for the best. I want to continue to be a good parent, and life isn't fair, but I'm doing the best I know how to. Thank you for all of your respondes... I'm still open for disscusion on this matter. I can't be the only one with kids whom don't know about adult habits.

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

With respect, I feel that you are missing a very important point here.

What a child percieves as normal in his/hers home life, is normal in daily life.

Think about this scenario, A child is awaiting her parents to pick her up from school, another pair of mothers are chatting outside the school about going to the nail tech and having their nails polished bright red, an inquisitive child may say something like "nice nails, my daddy has his nails polished red when he wairs his wig", a completely innocent remark, but one that could esculate beyond all proportions. This wouldn't be the childs fault, after all it is completely normal to her!

Highly improbable scenario. Kids don't go around looking at people's nails.
Even so, if a child were to say that to a pair of females I'm sure it would be seen as comical and cute.
Kids say the darnedest things, remember?

Besides it's nobodies business what anyone does within their home and your average Joe or Joan doesn't care to pry into people's personal lives.

The whole consensus here seems paranoid.

[TrueGemini'sWife GG]

Children can be very cruel. One comment can lead to another and that child could then become alienated throughout their school life. If I told our youngest daughter who is 11, that her dad is a CD and she then went on to tell her friends at school.... the outcome might not be pretty. Those children could then go on to tell their parents, those parents who might not know or understand what a crossdresser is, could then tell their children to keep away from our daughter and even start spreading malicious rumours throughout the school to other parents. What kind of school life would our daughter then have?? I wouldn't even consider telling her (unless it was vital) until I thought she was old enough to truely understand.

You have to look at the whole picture, not just the home life. You have to think about how this is going to affect the children, not just you. So when making a decision, think very carefully the consequences it could have on them. They might think it's a bit of fun painting daddies nails...... but that's all it is to a 9 and 10 year old, a bit of fun.

I told my eldest daughter when she was 16 and had left school. She took it pretty well and was at the age where she could understand what I was telling her. I don't think my 11 year old is quite ready to comprehend that her dad has fem feelings and dresses like a woman. She has 5 years of school ahead of her and that imho is enough to cope with.

Unless the reasoning was, one plans on dressing 24/7 and/or is having surgery, I think it best to wait until children are older. There really is so much stress for teens and pre-teens to deal with as it is, I think it would be unfair to add more stress to their lives, just to be able to dress whenever. Seems a bit selfish, unless as I said, one plans on living as a woman fulltime.

[kazeparker]

your average Joe or Joan doesn't care to pry into people's personal lives.

If only that were true. Then our world would be free of a lot of gossip, many rumors, eavesdropping, supermarket tabloids, the Jerry Springer show, the Maury show, a lot of reality television, and so forth. A lot of 'entertainment' these days is precicely the act of prying into personal lives, issues, conflicts, whatever. Companies are making big profits off of displaying and exploiting people's personal affairs, especially if the public deems them to not be normal, because the public loves to watch and learn about other people's problems. The mental conditioning that the media has done with shows and tabloids hasn't helped the old habit of finding out little secrets about neighbors, and people's relations with their community have been hindered in some cases because of spreading rumors. And those rumors spread because people care about what other people do behind closed doors. In fact, the biggest example that people care what other people do in their own privacy is the outward belittling of the homosexual community, and the fact that there has been serious talk of a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, and some states making many form of relations unlawful for a gay couple. And the only reason they'd restrict much of what a gay couple can do is because they fear what goes on behind those closed doors, because they care about the personal life, and because prying into personal lives is a common practice.

I am sorry that my post seems to enhance the idea that the paranoia not only exists but is rampant in our community, and we all don't have Big Brother in our personal lives 24/7. But rumors and misgivings about someone's personal life can happen anywhere, and people will encourage such behavior because it's in their nature, no thanks in part to the media. Because of that I believe Rachael Warren's scenario is a valid one, as even a small act such as the little child's comments can avalanche into something larger, and has.

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

No careful intelligent person can be exploited without consent.

[kazeparker]

No careful intelligent person can be exploited without consent.

And that is exactly why telling young children is risky. It's almost like giving consent to them to say whatever they wish when they are out of your control, unless you wish to supervise them all the time, nonstop. Children do say the darnedest things, and that television show is based off of the simple premise that children are unpredictable. And the people who overhear the children are just as unpredictable with how they will deal with what they are told, whether they will dismiss it as 'cute talk' or form a rumor out of it. Thus, one would have to be careful and intelligent to realize that it is very, very possible that word can spread beyond immediate family, especially if children know. Telling them "it's a secret" hardly cuts it, either.

[Krystal Lee]

Katie,
Can't say what you should do but can say what we did with my son. Knowing his mother would not be with us for too much longer we sat him down and explained that dad was "wired" a little different than other people.

He had seen the edge of a camisole I was wearing when we were wrestling around on the living room floor. So he had a clue but did not know what he had a clue about.

He was 10 or 11 at that time and accepted things just fine. I do not wander around the house dressed but he has cought me in lingerie. We just looked at each other and went on about our business. He had returned from a friends early and came in the house before I could get out of sight. He never brought it up in conversation, it's just dad being weird.

Also he knows that to tell will cause both of us problems, so he has not revealed this to others. He has enough problems with some of the kids so understands not to add to the pile.

Best of luck. Hugs Krystal

[Katie Ashe]

Update... My daughter Tiffany caught me in the basement cutting some lumber for a project I was working on. She had noticed my pink toes. She knows I paint them, but got upset with me. She had asked if I was using her pink again. I politly said no, It was my pink not hers. She said fine, I should buy my own anyways... than when back up stairs. What a kid? I did buy some new Ice Frost last night (en fem), anyways .

Dawn told her parents last night, all is well... I am completely out the closet now except for my kids, I think they know and don't care anyways. I spent the day in fem (except make-up) and went everywhere with them. All is good.

[Sigrid]

Katie,

That's good news indeed. It sounds like the issue with your daughter and the nail polish may have had more to do with personal property than with the fact that you're actually painting your nails. Sounds like she's just fine with it.

Congratulations... all's well in Springfield now.