Been tired of the GAY question

[bridget jones]

I have been caught a few times that I remember and everytime I was asked if I was gay.I understand why I was asked the question dressing the way I was at the time but I cannot remember a time when a wife,GF,GG,or sis was asked if they were a lesbian when they wore a mans shirt,shorts,or boxers.I admit to fantisizing about being with a man enfemme and fantisizing about a really cute sexy guy while in drab but I don't think it makes me gay just curious just as if a GG finds another GG attractuve"remember most GG's practices kissing when young on other GG's.Why did'nt we cd/tv/ts's think about doing that?

[seanmuscle]

I have been caught a few times that I remember and everytime I was asked if I was gay.I understand why I was asked the question dressing the way I was at the time but I cannot remember a time when a wife,GF,GG,or sis was asked if they were a lesbian when they wore a mans shirt,shorts,or boxers.I admit to fantisizing about being with a man enfemme and fantisizing about a really cute sexy guy while in drab but I don't think it makes me gay just curious just as if a GG finds another GG attractuve"remember most GG's practices kissing when young on other GG's.Why did'nt we cd/tv/ts's think about doing that?

Its really just anything feminine a man does he is assumed to be gay. What activities you do, the way you dress, your favorite television shows etc... If you are not masculine in traditional terms then you are assumed to be gay

[Nicola2876]

Some people assume you're gay if you dress in nice male clothes nevermind a dress. It's a shame some people are so narrowminded. My Wife calls Dave Grohl a pervert because he has crossdressed in some videos. Sad really!

[SuzanneBender]

It doesn't take a dress to receive accusations of being gay. I have always been one of those well groomed, neat, sensitive types. Some folks types just set off the gaydar. I really don't concern myself with it.

[kellycan27]

I have been caught a few times that I remember and everytime I was asked if I was gay.I understand why I was asked the question dressing the way I was at the time but I cannot remember a time when a wife,GF,GG,or sis was asked if they were a lesbian when they wore a mans shirt,shorts,or boxers.I admit to fantisizing about being with a man enfemme and fantisizing about a really cute sexy guy while in drab but I don't think it makes me gay just curious just as if a GG finds another GG attractuve"remember most GG's practices kissing when young on other GG's.Why did'nt we cd/tv/ts's think about doing that?

Maybe because even though they wore a man's shirt, or shorts or boxers, the were still presenting as a woman? Now had they dressed up in full male clothing and wore a fake stash, or beard and cut their hair to mimic a man's hair style...someone might think to question their sexuality.

[Jason+]

I have been caught a few times that I remember and everytime I was asked if I was gay.I understand why I was asked the question dressing the way I was at the time but I cannot remember a time when a wife,GF,GG,or sis was asked if they were a lesbian when they wore a mans shirt,shorts,or boxers.I admit to fantisizing about being with a man enfemme and fantisizing about a really cute sexy guy while in drab but I don't think it makes me gay just curious just as if a GG finds another GG attractuve"remember most GG's practices kissing when young on other GG's.Why did'nt we cd/tv/ts's think about doing that?

When I get cornered with this logic I ask them if their g/f ever wears pants. When they give the invariable reply of yes I ask them if she suddenly liked women because she put on pants. It usually at least makes them scratch their heads and think about it. :D

[bridget jones]

You have a good point Kellycan

[jasmine57]

I've been accused of being gay more than once because I care about my appearance. It never bothered me in male mode because I just considered the source. I've had two GG's ask me if I was gay when they found out that I crossdress and that kind of bothered me. First they say it's cool that I crossdress and they want to take me out dressed then they have the nerve to asked if I'm gay. That question never came up before they knew I dressed, why would it now. Although both GG's are still good friends and VERY supportive, it bothers me that they jumped to that conclusion just from the fact that I dress.

[Karren H]

So what's wrong with being gay? If you didn't know any better what would you ask a crossdresser? Ohhh "are you a straight male that just loves to wear womens clothing"? To Jane Q Public they don't even know there are straight CDs..

[eluuzion]

It doesn't take a dress to receive accusations of being gay. I have always been one of those well groomed, neat, sensitive types. Some folks types just set off the gaydar. I really don't concern myself with it.

I agree. I have experienced the win/lose episodes of the relationship "Twilight Zone" throughtout my life.

Being a naturally empathetic, sensitive person has certainly proven to me that this is what "women want". I have never had problems attracting women.

The issue is AFTER the relationship begins. Of course, guys naturally discourage displaying any intimacy and feelings in conversation. (homophobic sensitivity, lol).

But I have found that the initial "emotional sensitivity" that was so magnetic in the initial attraction to the woman, quickly erodes into a "passive suspicion" of your sexual orientation over time. Comments like "are you sure you aren't gay?" start peppering emotionally laced conversation, etc. It is usually a "kidding" reference, but always somewhat genuine in context.

The affair that I eventually discovered later in most cases, was with a "bad boy", emotionally distant personality type.

A lot of generalizations made here, but just noting an interesting side of the dating/relationship process. In my case, anyway.

[sometimes_miss]

This goes back to the old question of why society dislikes gay men in the first place. One strong possibility is this. Traditionally, males are the protectors of the 'tribe'. We are relied upon to defend (to the death) the rest of our own group. Anything feminine about us might indicate a less than willingness to fight (the suspected 'sissy' that cowers away from physical violence). That could endanger the entire group, whether he was simply on a security watch of the perimeter, or side by side to another soldier in a battle line, where he might allow the 'line' to break allowing the enemy to enter. Also homosexuals were often closeted, due to that danger of being 'outed' and removed from the 'tribe' as well. So, societies developed a sensitivity towards suspecting any male showing any feminine traits at all, and challenged that male to see if he would stand up to his 'responsibilities'. While I thought it rather odd when I was younger, as the gay males seemed no less inclined to defend themselves or others than other people, I can kind of understand how this mentality came about, considering the primitive origins of it. It's where the general contempt for 'sissy' males comes from. Doesn't make it right; there are plenty of very feminine women who turn into tigers when confronted. But the stereotype lives on.

[jenniferishappy]

this brings up the question for me as to why so many gay men act feminine. they are not trying to present as a girl, yet they adopt many of the qualities of feminine GG's.
i come from a very gay friendly tourist town and became a casual/party friend with many, many gay men. i remember being mystified as to why gay men acted so fem and also would dress in drag from time to time for fun. never asked though. often times both men in the relationship had many feminine qualities.
is that part of the way to attract other gay men or do they just also have a strong feminine side? must state here that i deeply appreciate the coat tails i ride from all of the hard work done by the gay community over the years in the face of extreme prejudice. i have always supported them but never thought i would benefit from it.

[vetobob9]

My experience has been, as a small child I was required to take the roll of a girl during the dance lessons.
Then I would be asked what I was even though I was in the appropriate attire for my sex. That was in high school.
At community college, I've had other students and my employer remark that I look feminine and that I would look hot in a dress.

So after all that I tried it. I tried on the undergarments and tried on the outer wear. I think they were right. I did look good in a dress. I even tried walking around in public at night. I wore the hosiery to school a couple of times. But I prefer to do it when going to sleep because it helps me sleep better.

It seems to me that women are more accepting of it than men. In some cases, women actually encourage it. Just the other day, my neice was asking if she could put make up on me. I've never put makeup on before but that would probably be a good excuse.

I'm like to wear clothing of both genders. But mostly I wear men's suits in public because I look good in those too. (Because I want to impress GGs).


It doesn't matter what you wear. It's about people having stereotypes and being bigots.

[Rianna Humble]

I have been caught a few times that I remember and everytime I was asked if I was gay.I understand why I was asked the question dressing the way I was at the time but I cannot remember a time when a wife,GF,GG,or sis was asked if they were a lesbian when they wore a mans shirt,shorts,or boxers.

Maybe because even though they wore a man's shirt, or shorts or boxers, the were still presenting as a woman?

What part of the above quote says that Bridget was not presenting as a man?

I'm not saying she was, but I do hate jumping to conclusions based on no evidence.

Also, if you think that lesbians cannot present themselves as women, then you don't know the same lesbians as me.

[Jonianne]

.....I've had two GG's ask me if I was gay when they found out that I crossdress and that kind of bothered me.....then they have the nerve to asked if I'm gay. That question never came up before they knew I dressed, why would it now.....it bothers me that they jumped to that conclusion just from the fact that I dress.

Now, you know that the first two questions you are going to be asked when you share with someone about your cd'ing are "Are you gay?" and "Do you want to change your sex?" Those are just the typical followup questions. Nothing wrong with them asking. It's just the begining of their education.

It could also be they are sizeing up their future with you. I told my wife about my crossdressing the moment she told me she was interested in me, long before we were married. Those were her first questions, because it was necessary to know if she wanted a future with me.

Most people are going to have a black and white mindset of straight or gay, male or female. So don't let yourself be so offended. Fact is, I had to ask those same questions of my own self when I was in therapy. I had so much fear, that it wasn't untill I was willing to accept myself, no matter what - gay, TS, etc, before I was able to sort out exactly what I was.

[Kate Simmons]

The thing is most of us cannot confine ourselves to the somewhat narrow criteria that society uses to "define" what being a man is. Many of us have the full spectrum of feelings and emotions and the need to express them. This is where our individual creativity comes in. When we do that others who do not understand fail to the idea that we are "gay". In the end there is no one who can really truly define what a "man" really is or a "woman" either for that matter. Continuing to be ourselves regardless and getting beyond criticism or disapproval of others is the hardest part of this "game" in any case.

[Phyliss]

I've had that same question and more asked of me.

My stock answers are:

NO , I'm not gonna change sex
NO , I'm not gay, just happy.

Makes 'em think for a bit.


sometimes_miss, has a good answer for the "why does the question even get asked" idea . Never did think of it that way.

Frankly I don't worry that I get asked, I figure it's a good chance to teach people.

[Barbara918]

If a man asks me if I'm gay I say ,"Does it matter? Unless, of course, you find me attractive."

[Toni_Lynn]

I want to preface my remarks by saying that they are not meant to be a put down of anyone. They will merely be a statement of observations.

I would be very difficult for a non-T(whatever) person to NOT invoke the subject of being gay given the propensity of threads here, many of which are live right now, with a subejct of 'being with a man whilst dressed'.

I had to chuckle the first time I saw a t-shirt with the words "Don't assume that I'm straight" on it. Fair enough. Gotta wonder how many gay CDers are assumed to be straight, though. That number has to be pretty darn near zero!

I guess what my take on the whole thing is that whoever any one has sex with is none of anyone's business. The CDing spectrum is a lot broader than anyone care to admit and whether of not one is gay or straight has nothing to do with it IMHO.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[KarenHiller]

It doesn't take a dress to receive accusations of being gay. I have always been one of those well groomed, neat, sensitive types. Some folks types just set off the gaydar. I really don't concern myself with it.

I know exactly what you mean! Being well groomed and wearing fashionable clothes makes you a target for those who prefer to be unshaven and wear torn dirty jeans. I guess metrosexual now applies to us, but even that has a gay connotation.

Even being small makes others think you're less than masculine. When I was a little thinner than I am now, I had to buy pants in the boys' department. Most women's clothes in size small always fit me well, especially lucky if you're a CD who wants to pass in public.

It's the old "double edged sword".

Karen

[kellycan27]

What part of the above quote says that Bridget was not presenting as a man?

I'm not saying she was, but I do hate jumping to conclusions based on no evidence.

Also, if you think that lesbians cannot present themselves as women, then you don't know the same lesbians as me.

Just took an educated guess hun... This is a cross dresser site, she said she'd been caught a couple of times, so I assumed that she meant that she got caught cross dressing.... The OP didn't contradict me, and even commented that I made a good point.
As for a lesbian presenting as a female...Why would someone assume that she was gay if she is a woman presenting as a woman? This pretty much sounded like a .. why can a woman wear men's attire and get away with it, but if man wears girl things, the assumption is that he is gay. I could be wrong, but... having seen a number of these type threads I am pretty comfortable with what I stated, and stand by it.

Kel

[Molly17]

It's a question I've always wanted to know the answer to. A woman that wears boxers or their boyfriend's shirts to bed, guy's shoes etc, would still think I'm gay if I said I wear women's underwear.

[Schatten Lupus]

I've gotten used to it, and that was before I even came to terms with myself being trans.

[Rianna Humble]

As for a lesbian presenting as a female...Why would someone assume that she was gay if she is a woman presenting as a woman?

Your remarks - to which I responded were in the context of a woman wearing male clothing but not being thought a lesbian.

Your reasoning was that she must be presenting as a woman.

I agree that a woman can wear male or male-like attire and still seem to be a woman, but that would not preclude her from being a lesbian.

[abigailf]

Maybe have fun when questions like that arise. Reply with a question "are you flirting with me?" or "Wow, nice pickup line." or just say Yes and watch them squirm uncomfortably :D

I think it would apply whether a guy or girl asks. And who knows, maybe get yourself a date at the same time.