I told her about my CDing about a month in; five weeks tops. I offered to show her photos right away, but honored her wishes to wait and see.

Same way with dressing. At one point she said "I'd like to try it" but even then I said, we'll see. As stated, I'm not sure if I even want to dress with her.

I also told her in pretty good detail about being with a few dominatrixes and a couple of women that were specifically attracted to CDers. This was the whole point of the old personal ads she found. Initially I thought I wanted to exlore experiences with men but then realized that wasn't my thing.

I also immiediately told her she could talk to a friend about this, as she needed to process the news.

I shared ALL of this and more in less than five weeks of first dating. I've told her things I have never told anyone else.


I shouldn't have shared my screenname it just came out as we were talking and I didn't think of the consequences. I would have told her eventually but even more than timing, as with everything else she discovered I wanted to do that together.

I still don't like that she went out on her own when I had been very open very early and also willing to share what I had posted. I didn't tell her she couldn't -- that's not my place -- but her doing so seemed to violate the spirit of sharing that we had established.

But I do understand where she was coming from and it's definitely not a bad place.


I do feel very strongly about snooping, however. When you purposely go out searching for something instead of talking to your partner, you are already demonstrating distrust. And not much good can come of that.

There is the concept of 'can' vs. 'should'. Yes, she CAN search for things but should she? I CAN pick up her cell phone and see who has been texting and calling, but I know that I shouldn't.

Not if I want to have trust in our relationship.