Honest feedback/constructive criticism

[msniki48]

When
I guess I'm just feeling a little bit conflicted here, I'd really like to contribute and help in any way I can.. But while some are grateful, others are bound to take it badly.

(And thank you to those who decided to pm me rather than post here, if I didn't honestly want to know what you think, I wouldn't have bothered creating a thread.)

Moe, this forum is truly diverse, and the dressing is done for many different reasons. So I agree with you that we must choose our words in comments and constructive critisism...[ewww spelling] Some are wearing a dress in house use only, and some are trying to prepare a look for the outside. i try to be complimentary either way...if they are asking for advice...i might PM them to get a better understanding as to what they are trying to accomplish with the ensemble or overall look.

Thank you for being here and being a part of this forum.

[cindychan]

I've been harshley critized for having cheap wigs in the past. When I first posted on here and I must say it sucked and was discouraging but then I realized they were giving me advice on how to look more femme so that inspired me save money and buy better wigs.

Reasons why I post picts:
1. When I get something new (feedback, ect)
2. Feeling Artsy with scenery and lighting
3. To let my fellow Cders know that I'm alive and doing fine
4. To inspire others to share their C/ding adventures
I don't think people are out to put us down but rather help us stay afloat in the cyclonic Ocean of trangenderism wheather it be commplement of critisism.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

When I do give my opinion and try to help someone with a few tips, I always try to do it in the nicest possible way without sugarcoating it. (I've had feedback from several of you in private that confirms that I go about it in an acceptable and caring way, so that's not really the problem.) *Phew*

What seems to be the problem at times though.. Is that some post their pictures only wanting positive feedback, and if that's what they really want... then I don't want to piss on their parade by being too honest, so to speak.
If they really do want advice though.. Then I'm more than happy to give it, as I would love for them to look their very best.
Very few specify why they're posting certain pictures, if it's just to show off, to help improve their look etc, which makes it very difficult to know how to approach it when posting.

Some ask me my opinion in private, that of course removes all doubt, but I'd still like to help others look even better, and frankly, if I hadn't commented in a way that some people liked in "public", they wouldn't have asked me in private.

I guess I'm just feeling a little bit conflicted here, I'd really like to contribute and help in any way I can.. But while some are grateful, others are bound to take it badly.

(And thank you to those who decided to pm me rather than post here, if I didn't honestly want to know what you think, I wouldn't have bothered creating a thread.)

Moe, I have enjoyed reading your posts..

If someone is posting just their avatar, then there really is not a reason to do anything except praise it, or don't say anything..

If someone posts a picture online, it can be for many reasons...if someone specifically asks for tips., then you must take them at their word...any bitching from that person is just silly...as far as the what do you think of my pictures type questions???

perhaps the responsse should be what do you want to hear???

I have posted pics in the past, and generally only ones I liked, and I hoped that someone would mail me and say YOU LOOK LIKE A WOMAN!!!...but that opinion should be honest tho....and what is it with the DIGITAL 10x cameras!!!???? lower resolution is a good thing!!! lol

So....i think its really thoughtful for you to just ask the question, and by the simple fact that you asked we can all know you have empathy and that your nature is to be helpful and thoughtful...thats a great thing

Tips away~!!! thats my vote.

[Andy66]

I would say if you're not sure, use the Private Message function.

If someone did not ask for critique I probably won't give it, unless it's positive. Why make someone feel self-conscious?

On the other hand, if they DO ask for critique, and they look a mess, then saying they look great would be like letting them walk around with toilet paper stuck to their shoe.

Personally, if you had something negative to say about my pictures, I would rather not hear it. I only put pictures up in my album because a few people asked me to.

[aggi123]

If you're afraid it may come off as being insensitive, why not try sending it in a private message? That way, at least if you were to do that to me, it would come off as constructive and in no way shape or form as harmful and degrading. That's my

[Mitzi]

Wow...I've been wondering how to post this without seeming tactless

For me, the "fluff" that follows a picture post is a bit uncomfortable. Sure, I like to be told I look nice, but seeing many of the comments on other people's picture posts, I know many are more or less "obligatory" responses.

So, lately for my infrequent picture posts, I tend to look for ongoing threads with a relevant theme where they can be slipped into.

Mitzi

[melissacd]

Moe,

I am only after honest feedback that will help me to improve my look. There is no point in getting anything less than that and my feelings will not be hurt by constructive and helpful comments made by others.

Now a positive comment is not a sugar coated one, rather it is a comment that can point out what works and what does not work (in your opinion) then I as the poster and target of said comment can choose to use and act upon that comment or not.

So yes I prefer your honest opinion.

Melissa

[Joanne f]

Moe,
never take anything that is said on here as personal it is just opinions and with so many members you are bound to get conflicting opinions at that ,which in a sense is a good thing as it makes you think and the more replies that you get shows that it was a good thread so be proud in the thought that you got everyone thinking .

[Nicole Erin]

Some photos you can tell no effort went into, like when you see someone's arm holding a camera, but no face and the background is their messy bedroom. I thing "wow, that arm really passes for a woman"

Some photos you can tell effort went into but the model doesn't look good. In these cases one can say "At least it is honest".

Photos can make someone or something look better or worse than reality.

ON here, I notice often the pics that get the most comments tend to be provocative, like someone in a mini skirt and stilettos or if they are wearing daisy dukes. I often think the ****ty pics are people who are turned on by their own image of being a woman.

Well here is my scoop -
I posted pics a couple years ago, not the very best ones I ever took but they were not real bad. They certainly didn't inflate my ego, in fact I felt like hell about myself afterwards. Based on the number and nature of the comments, I guess maybe I am plain jane. I asked for honest opinions, even if they PM'ed them. I remember a couple folks in PM said I needed to lose weight. A couple said something about the shape of my face. Well let me gather $10,000 and go have FFS.
Well I will be honest, I didn't like the feedback I got, and therefore I don't post photos on the web. I asked for honestly, got it, didn't like it, and won't ask again. Once in a while I might comment on photos here, but it is normally something that they CAN change easily, like if they are 60 years old and wearing a Hannah Montana wig. Or if they are built like a linebacker and trying to wear tight clothing.

My favorite comment of photos that some post is always "It looks like you had fun". Now THAT is the epitome of lame-ass comments. That is about as flattering as calling someone with down's syndrome "special".

Ya know, in real life I do often get compliments about my looks or something I am wearing but it is hard for me to take compliments, I always think "they are just trying to be nice."

[jolanda_trav]

I realy do agree with Amanda

... When I first began to post pictures years ago, in one of my very first threads, I posted several pics, and asked for "brutal honesty" on how I looked. Up until the Internet, I had an idea that I looked OK as a woman, but really needed to hear what others thought about how I looked, being in the closet back then and all...
I was soooo proud of myself for the first dozen or so comments.......

When I had my first comment, I realy felt a thrill. But later, I realise that positive critisism is good.

If you do not want to give it public - which I sometimes do - you can sent a PM.

Jolanda

[Kathi Lake]

The whole "posting pictures to be ogled" thing is one of the reasons I usually never post my pictures in the Photos section. I'm not looking for "getting" something (compliments, etc.). Instead, I kind of feel that I'm kind of "giving" something. Now, before you all throw down the "narcissistic, stuck-up, bragging twit" flag, let me explain:

Although all of my friends here are pretty far apart - I mean, Stoke Upon Trent, where exactly is that?! - they know that I've been known to go shopping once in a great while. When I shop, I take pictures to show my friends here what I bought. Normally, when you get a group of girlfriends together to shop, everyone sees what you tried on, what you bought and more. As far apart as my "girlfriends" here are, we just can't do that, so I post my pictures in the main thread. That way, I can "give" them an update of my adventures, with pictures included. Basically, I don't post my pictures in the photos section, because I don't want to hear how pretty (or ugly, as the case may be ) I am. I just want to share with my friends where I am in my look, my shopping, my life.

I hate to admit it, but I also post my pictures as a sort of "proof." I have had some PM's accusing me of everything from photoshopping my head on a real girl's body to never leaving the house dressed - essentially "inventing" my adventures as a sort of "TV fiction." I post pictures to show that it is ugly ol' me out there, having fun.

Does that make sense? Did I just go totally off-topic? Sorry to the admins if I did.

Kathi

[aggi123]

kathi, you clearly cut and paste that post from somewhere else. =P

[VeronicaMoonlit]

Do you really want it?

Some don't, some do.

I see a lot of sugarcoating and posts of encouragement, tips on improvements, no matter how apparent they may be, seem very rare.

Oh I'll do tips, now and then. You'll also notice I post rarely in pic threads.

That doesn't necessarily mean that I think someone looks terrible, it just means that there are things I think can be changed for the better and I feel posting without mentioning that is a bit hypocritical and superficial.

True, but to some, saying: "cheap blonde wigs look too metallic, avoid them and stick with hair closer to your natural color" is a grievous insult because they really really love their cheap blonde wigs.

There's also the fact that we all have different taste and they may find "helpful tips" tiresome if they're happy with how they look.

Yep.

So to sum it up, what I'm wondering is.. When you post pictures, what kind of feedback are you really after?

Umm, wellllll, I don't know. Polite and reasonably honest?

ON here, I notice often the pics that get the most comments tend to be provocative, like someone in a mini skirt and stilettos or if they are wearing daisy dukes. I often think the ****ty pics are people who are turned on by their own image of being a woman.

If you want lots of comments on your pics it helps to be one or more of the following:

1. Young (have you ever wondered why some young transfolk get bitter in regards to dealing/communicating with older transfolk? Some of it is the fawning they receive.)

2. Mostly passable from a generic perspective (hormones are a plus)

3. dress sexy (this is probably the most important one)

4. slender

Which is why I try to favor the plus size and older folks when I do make comments.

Veronica Rogers

[Moe GG]

Once in a while I might comment on photos here, but it is normally something that they CAN change easily, like if they are 60 years old and wearing a Hannah Montana wig. Or if they are built like a linebacker and trying to wear tight clothing.

Agreed. There's no point in commenting on something they can do very little about. As for weight, sure, you can lose it, but it's more helpful if someone shares tips on how you can dress more flattering and divert attention to parts of yourself that you're more comfortable with than telling you to drop a few pounds.

1. Young (have you ever wondered why some young transfolk get bitter in regards to dealing/communicating with older transfolk? Some of it is the fawning they receive.)

2. Mostly passable from a generic perspective (hormones are a plus)

3. dress sexy (this is probably the most important one)

4. slender

Which is why I try to favor the plus size and older folks when I do make comments.

Veronica Rogers

I think I can safely say that I don't follow those criteria when choosing which threads to post in, some are young, others older, some slender, others carrying a bit more weight, some dress classy, others sexy etc... But I do see what you mean.

Perhaps those of us that tend to post in that section should think more about where we post and keep an eye on the number of posts different threads have, see if our two cents are needed elsewhere.

[wanda jackson]

Speaking only for myself, I spend a lot of time trying to look good but most of the time no one but me sees the results. So when I post pictures here, in a place that is somewhat safe, as an opportunity to share this mostly private side of myself. Getting comments...good, bad, indifferent or even none at all, is part of the risk of putting myself out there via posting photos.

Again, speaking for myself, I really enjoy and appreciate sharing this side of myself with open-minded and accepting GG's. They are experts at being a woman...I am an amateur. They don't have to do anything to be a woman (since they already really are women!)...I have to work at it and it is only an illusion, I am always really a man no matter what I am wearing. But to get feedback from a GG, good or bad, is positive thing. This forum allows that possibility where there is often no chance in our individual realities.

And Moe, you are a very thoughtful and sensitive person and your positive nature really stands out. I'm really glad that you are on here and that you interact, offering a GG perspective in a very positive way. After seeing how kind and delicate you were via your comments, well of course I wanted to get your opinion too...and it helped me know where I stand in the reality, as opposed to the somewhat illusion based view of myself I see in the mirror with rose-colored glasses (or should I say pink-fog colored glasses).
In conclusion, if I ask someone "do you like me?", I must be prepared for the answer to be "oh, not particularly", and not completely set on the only answer being "my god, you are fantastic" for me to be happy.

[shannonFL]

Speaking only for myself, I spend a lot of time trying to look good but most of the time no one but me sees the results. So when I post pictures here, in a place that is somewhat safe, as an opportunity to share this mostly private side of myself. Getting comments...good, bad, indifferent or even none at all, is part of the risk of putting myself out there via posting photos.

Again, speaking for myself, I really enjoy and appreciate sharing this side of myself with open-minded and accepting GG's. They are experts at being a woman...I am an amateur. They don't have to do anything to be a woman (since they already really are women!)...I have to work at it and it is only an illusion, I am always really a man no matter what I am wearing. But to get feedback from a GG, good or bad, is positive thing. This forum allows that possibility where there is often no chance in our individual realities.

And Moe, you are a very thoughtful and sensitive person and your positive nature really stands out. I'm really glad that you are on here and that you interact, offering a GG perspective in a very positive way. After seeing how kind and delicate you were via your comments, well of course I wanted to get your opinion too...and it helped me know where I stand in the reality, as opposed to the somewhat illusion based view of myself I see in the mirror with rose-colored glasses (or should I say pink-fog colored glasses).
In conclusion, if I ask someone "do you like me?", I must be prepared for the answer to be "oh, not particularly", and not completely set on the only answer being "my god, you are fantastic" for me to be happy.

Wanda, speaking for yourself, but , if you do not mind , for lots of others, me too...

[PetiteDuality]

I guess everyone is different.

Once I poster some pictures (which I later removed, because I was afraid of being recognized).

I got very nice messages, but I know I don't look as feminine as some mentioned. And I appreciate it because I know they are being very nice (and meybe some even believe it).

But I recently read a post from someone that was really offended because didn't got many comments about her pictures. So I guess there are people that are more "needy" than others.

I usually post only when I have something good to say, unless they ask for 100% honesty, in which case I give my feedback or suggestions.

[thechic]

Hi there Moe GG

Yes that,s all a want is an honest opinion no beating around the bush, But don't be to harsh.

thanks
Geneva

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44936757@N07/

[Rhonda Jean]

It's like the American Idol auditions. Everyone who auditions thinks they may be an undiscovered talent. Sometimes the worst ones are the ones who have the highest opinion of themselves. They can certainly hear themselves, yet, they and/or their parents (etc.) have convinced them that they're undiscovered superstars. Reality hits when they're judged by some who are not prone to insincere praise. Those are the ones who can't believe that the judges don't hear them the same way they hear themselves, or the way their mother hears them. Surely we've all thought, "Someone should have told them before they got on national tv and made such fools of themselves."

Instead of singing, our egos are largely affected by how good we think we look as women. We can be just as delusional as those poor souls on American Idol. We probably want honest evaluations about as much as those AI contestants, and it'd do about as much good as it does them. None of the bad ones seem any less convinced of their star potential after they leave. The good ones seem to take criticism better than the worst ones.

Egos are difficult things to properly maintain. Mine has been at every point in the spectrum from woefully undernourished to profoundly overfed. Even at the extremes, I thought I was precisely self-assessed. I don't agree that we're our own worst critics. I think that we're generally (myself included) nearly incapable of seeing our true fem image. I think that's the nature of the beast. We tend to see what we'd like to see, or only the very best parts, and ignore the rest. We come here with nearly opaque rose-colored glasses, and hope that others who comment will be equally deluded, or at least say they are. That's what makes it fun! I love it when people tell me I'm pretty! I don't want the truth! Just don't let me go on national tv!

[sherri52]

I don't usually ask for feedback. When I do I want the truth. The reason I don't ask is that I don't want more than I can handle. I can take the criticism, but sometimes there is more than an individual wants

[JulieK1980]

I would personally want constructive criticism, if I asked for it, as long as its actually constructive. I don't think anyone would want insults thrown at them, whether they ask or not. I suppose tact is also necessary. But then again if you post pictures online your kind of asking for abuse, as for some reason people think that its ok to say the things they would never say in person.

[gabimartini]

Hi Moe,

You brought up a very interesting point.

Personally, I like to hear honest feedback. It's the only way I can learn and improve my appearance. Of course I like to hear positive things (who doesn't?), but only if they are well-deserved. Plus, I'd rather get the real scoop from people in here, than overhearing some demeaning comment on the go.

My two cents.

PS: You're welcome to drop by my page and let me have your comments!

[PretzelGirl]

This is a tough one as most of the picture threads are the picture and a lot of support. That is a good thing as that is what we come here for. But support does come with positive and negative feedback. I have yet to make a constructive critical comment yet. Two reasons. One, I wouldn't do it unless it was asked for and two, I am not far enough along to be able to help anyone with their look.

But, unfortunate as it may be, the free time of life is limited, so I have to choose what I can read and what I can't. So I do look at everyone's pictures in those first 1-3 posts. They put the effort into it and I want to see. They earned it! I reply to very few. But I skim or skip a lot of the comments after as I need to move on or I spend another 1-2 hours more on here than I planned.

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

I have consistently chosen not to post comments on most photo threads because I tend to aim to be as convincingly passable as a typical female around 5 years older than my real age (I consider blendable to be a synonym to this) as I can manage, and I tend to be brutally honest about other people's passability or otherwise.

I would love to have genuine feedback, particularly from GGs, who I think are more objective about this than CDs. If there is something wrong with my presentation that I can change to achieve a noticeable improvement, I'd like to know.

Sadly, if I gave my honest opinion, some here would consider me to be the worst person in the world, so I rarely look at any of the photo threads except the boy/girl one, let alone comment.

[Kate Simmons]

If someone wants feedback I use the PM feature. As far as myself, any feedback is taken under advisement, positive or nagative. I know who I am in any case and opinions one way or the other are just that.