I Need help with a problem please.
Will keep this as short as possible.
Yesterday, Saturday Sept 10th was our Central Illinois TriEss meeting. I got all my things ready to go in an over night bag. This was early in the morning around 9. My wife asked me if I wanted to go to my Grand Son’s Ball game. That She knew I could not go to because of health issues. Or to the local Blue grass thing at the State Park. Well I told Her I could not because I had a TriEss meeting that evening in another town. “ It is about 2 hours away from where I live”. Not wanting to bring up the evident answer “ I should not because of my health issues go to His game”. Also I had not gone to last months meeting because She made plans for me on that weekend. This is a burden on me when I don’t make these meetings. I can tell my attitude is not as normal if I miss a meeting.
With all this said, She got Her clothes on, spoke to me little. Also would not look at me as She walked around the house etc. Mad and not saying it. She said to me “ I don’t know what I’m going to do after the game, see you when I get back”. Then She did leave. I could tell, pist at the idea I was going to a support group meeting.
Putting my over night bag in the truck I drove the two hours. At a friends office there I changed my clothes to Femme mode. Just before the actual meeting. Some of the others had their wives there and girl friends. One complete family was there also. We watched a TriEss video. Then talked about what the video had to offer us, and so on. We took a break with treats etc. I even bought a new wig for my Halloween costume. Since the meeting is in a wig shop. Nice evening all in all. Then when the meeting broke up, everyone was going to a local restaurant for an late meal and coffee. I opted out so that I could get home before it got past midnight. I get real tired driving after about 4 or 5 hours of accumulated driving in a day. I drove home in boy mode BTW.
When I got half way home I called on the cell. She did not answer. I called back in about ten minutes and She did answer. I could just tell She was still acting far away, only saying what She had to “the I’m still pist way of speaking”. We all have herd that before.
Well I was polite and did say “ Hun I’ll be home in a bit am half way, I love you” and so on. I got back the “ OK”. Very short. Got home and she was in bed. So I took my clothes off and did go to sleep.
Today, Sunday Sept 11th. Everything was fine we talked and layed around the house together etc. Then feeling confident this afternoon that She might be approachable I asked the question. “ Hun there is going to be a Halloween party in Champaign next month, would you like to go with me”? Wow was that the wrong thing to say. She got mad and started in on me about how the support group was just a way for people to make what they are doing wrong make sense to them. Also that its never going to make it correct for me to keep doing what I’m doing. Then She said “you know there are no support groups for people like me”. I told her that is what the TriEss meetings are about,
the Family. Then She said some other things that escape me right now.
But when She did go into the bedroom and close the door. I was so sad I had said anything at all. Opening the door going into the bed room, I did see her laying there crying. You know the kind that is blubbering. Had a towel over her eyes for the tears. I stroked her hair and asked if She was ok. She started in again on things like, how She hates laying next to me dressed. Then seeing me dressed around the house. Then asking me why did I change, and so on. Still crying not really giving me time to answer. I stroked her hair then laid down next to her. Kissing her neck, and stroking her hair. Not saying a word, just holding her.
I don’t know what to do. Right now I’m open to suggestions. This is not a choice as my Wife thinks. She believes this is a Sin and I’m going to hell. I don’t believe like that.
I don’t think my God made me like this to send me to hell. This is me, and what I am. She loves me and I her. I just need Her to come to a TriEss meeting. Maybe meet other Genetic Females that have CD ‘s like me. So that She won’t feel so alone in this. So that She can work through this. Then maybe Her and I can go on as a couple.
Right now I’m just at my end. Out of ideas. I got up to write this and ask for help. It’s 1am in the morning here and I just can’t sleep over this.
Thanks for listening.
Haley