I'm not out to the family, but my aunt just friended my Violet profile on Facebook!

[Lorileah]

I've seen the stand up, I know that Violet is funny and has great comedic timing and maybe someday she will be be on TV (at least on LOGO). The circle is small and there are people in that circle who know people in your other circle so someday it will come out. How about being PRO-active. You want to be on the circuit and anything that potentially can block you will derail that chance. You know show business is about luck and timing so don't do anything that will interfere with that. Friend her. Either she knows and wants to be your friend OR she doesn't but thinks you are funny.

Being proactive gives you control. Waiting to see what happens makes you a passenger on a Toyota with no breaks and a sticky accelerator

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I have a Facebook account in my male name and I thought about having one in my femme name and even though I've been told I pass well, I wouldn't do it because I have relatives,friends and co workers as friends and I wouldn"t want to chance it. You never know what people can find out

Example: "That looks like P***,it could be his twin Sister"

5 seconds later: "OMG, That is P***! I would've never thought he was a crossdresser!".



Felicity

[Violetgray]

O.k. Ladies and Gentlewomen, here are the facts so far:

My relationship with my Aunt: I see her maybe once every 2 years. I just saw her about 3 months ago at my mom's 50th birthday party. I've always been fond of her, though she is CRAZY (think comedian Mo'Nique) Her daughter is a comedian, so she does have a lot of comedian friends on her Facebook, though her daughter and I are not friends on Facebook. Maybe Facebook just suggested me? Someone has suggested that maybe she doesn't know that I'm the male me. It's possible, but she does know that I do contact juggling, and if she visits my gallery she'll see me juggling en-femme and possibly figure it out.


How she found out: I'm pretty sure she doesn't have the e-mail that my facebook account was set up with. I know this because she sends all of her e-mail to my other, more primary email. I wonder if facebook just suggested her?

What I'm thinking: Two sides of me are at war here. On one side is the desire to be who I am freely, on the other side is my fear and the trepidation of being found out by my family. It really does seem to be the final milestone, because by now ALL of my friends, my co-workers and most of the comedy scene is aware. I realize that these are two conflicting emotions, and I did come to the realization that one day, something was going to have to give.

What I did: Hell, I friended her. We'll see what happens.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

Good luck on befriending your Aunt. Who knows? Maybe it might turn out to be cool with both of you.



Felicity

[TS_Denice]

Good luck with your Aunt as a new friend. Of course, this could be good material for you as a comedian whether it goes well or goes very wrong. In fact, this could be hilarious as long as you do the jokes... and not your comedian cousin.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

The circle is small and there are people in that circle who know people in your other circle so someday it will come out.

It's funny actually because before *I* came out onstage in *my* stand up act, I had been hesitant because I had this mental fear of the gossip spreading like wildfire amongst all the comics I know. Instead even after I've been doing the material onstage for almost a year now, and have pictures of myself posted on facebook, I still run into comics I know, who are my friends on facebook, who don't know I crossdress and I wind up re-outing myself on a regular basis. Turns out it was hardly worth gossiping about. Possibly because I took charge of it and made it a non-issue.

[victoriamwilliams1]

O.k. Ladies and Gentlewomen, here are the facts so far:

My relationship with my Aunt: I see her maybe once every 2 years. I just saw her about 3 months ago at my mom's 50th birthday party. I've always been fond of her, though she is CRAZY (think comedian Mo'Nique) Her daughter is a comedian, so she does have a lot of comedian friends on her Facebook, though her daughter and I are not friends on Facebook. Maybe Facebook just suggested me? Someone has suggested that maybe she doesn't know that I'm the male me. It's possible, but she does know that I do contact juggling, and if she visits my gallery she'll see me juggling en-femme and possibly figure it out.


How she found out: I'm pretty sure she doesn't have the e-mail that my facebook account was set up with. I know this because she sends all of her e-mail to my other, more primary email. I wonder if facebook just suggested her?

What I'm thinking: Two sides of me are at war here. On one side is the desire to be who I am freely, on the other side is my fear and the trepidation of being found out by my family. It really does seem to be the final milestone, because by now ALL of my friends, my co-workers and most of the comedy scene is aware. I realize that these are two conflicting emotions, and I did come to the realization that one day, something was going to have to give.

What I did: Hell, I friended her. We'll see what happens.

It will be ok I friended someone who is a well know TG/TS from a unknown show who happen to friends with another person from the show who I actually know personally and they do not know the femside of me so I did not worry because my facebook profile has a cartoon version of me.

[Nicole Erin]

Violet, you once showed us a male photo, and really your male and female personnas are not much different looking, I mean if your male side was some burrily construction guy it would be different and shocking but I kind of doubt they would notice anything different.

[Violetgray]

Violet, you once showed us a male photo, and really your male and female personnas are not much different looking, I mean if your male side was some burrily construction guy it would be different and shocking but I kind of doubt they would notice anything different.

hehe I'm not sure, but I think that's the best compliment I've had in a while!

[Danamtv]

I email them and ask what we have in common that we should be friends?

[notthereyet]

She must know or suspect something. You're so beautiful maybe this is a small step towards acceptance. Don't rush into your decision.

[victoriamwilliams1]

hehe I'm not sure, but I think that's the best compliment I've had in a while!

Well I think you and him look very different, your more of the cute sister to him. I was wondering how is it going with your aunt on Facebook? I did not want to write the question on your wall because it would not be appropriate.

[erickka]

It will be interesting to find out just where this will go. Please keep us posted!

[jennifer easton]

face book sucks, was on it 2 days and figured out this is not a good thing, one slip up and the whole world knows

[tammygirl79]

You know, this could be a blessing in disguise (no pun intended). If you have thought about eventually coming out to your family, this could be a subtle way of doing it. Accept her friend request and just see if she slowly starts to suspect that it's you. and then she may eventually say something to you...maybe as a joke at first like "you know, there is this girl in my fb friends you kind of reminds me of you"....or something like that. I think it could lessen the initial shock value of just coming out and telling your family point blank. It would be more of a gradual coming out. Then again, if you have no intensions on coming out to your family....then that's a different story. I hope this helped a little bit sweety...good luck

[AKAMichelle]

You might to help your Aunt connect the dots. Sounds like just an innocent befriending. I would terribly nervous too. I hope everything works out well for you.

[diane51]

Ok Violet, It's time for an update. Curious minds want to know. Any replies from your aunt?

[Rianna Humble]

I friended her. We'll see what happens.

I'm surprised that no-one suggested the first thing that I do with any new friend request, which is to visit the person's profile page and see if we have any friends in common.

You could still do that even now you have befriended her.

If I'm still not sure, I generally send a message along the lines

"I'm flattered by your friendship request, may I ask how you found me?"

I generally find that those two steps help me to decide whether to go ahead or not. It might also have cleared up the mystery of how your aunt came to send you a friend request.

BTW, I agree with the advice about talking to your aunt using a more traditional method (e.g. voice).

[Sarah_GG]

I think Facebook generates those requests by matching email addresses.

I would just ignore it or ask her on the phone unless you want to open that particular can of worms!

Of course, if she's sent you a personal message, then that's a different story.

[Tina2]

Facebook might use your IP address to help identify possible friends. They might have added you as a friend because Facebook suggested it.