i think i have been found out

[Emma Campbell]

ok i have my clothes hidden in my room and some of them have gone missing i have searched my room from top to bottom and there not there i think one of my sisters or one of my parents may have taken them but know one has said anything what do i do? do i wait for them to ask me or do i say somthing?

[Kathi Lake]

I don't know, Emma. What do you want to do?

You can pretend it never happened, but know this - someone knows.

You can break the embarrassment threshold and bring it up, but to who - your mother, your father or your sisters?

Either way, you're kinda busted. One thing I have found out in life, no matter what the problem is, it all works out.

Good luck!

Kathi

[NathalieX66]

Geez Emma, how old are you?

I got outed once by my mom when I was a teenager, and I thought I was coy by hiding one of her nightgowns between the mattress & the box spring, and my mom in her practical wisdom thought it was a good idea to flip the mattres one day while changing the bed. ....and there she found a suprise. Questions...denials. Things not so bad once I went off to college...till I came home with pierced ears.

[Heisthebride]

This happened to me when I was 16. My mom found my clothes and she told my dad and they freaked out a bit. I was so embarrassed I just kind of shut them out and they freaked more and they had me see a shrink. The whole thing did not go down very well. I'm not trying to scare you but you should think about what you might want to tell someone if they do ask.

Be prepared and be calm, answer their questions truthfully. You have an opportunity to help them understand your feelings and what you want to get out of your dressing. If you are scared, they will be too. If you are calm and collected, this will be easier than you think. They are your family and they will continue to love and support you.

Good luck and think of what this means to you.

[kimberly ann487]

All I can say Emma is thay you're not alone. Yesterday my wife went through my clothes while I was out with my sons golfing for fathers day. She knows I crossdress but she never saw a lot of my things. I'm talking wig, forms, bras, tops, etc. she went through it all. Everything is still there except my newest top she said she didn't take it, but it's gone none the less. Even though she called me every name in the book and mocked me repeatedly I feel better not hiding anything from her. At this point I'm comfortable with my fem side, with her. I'm not advising you one way or the other, but that's how I feel. Don't worry mothers and fathers and sisters have to be easyer than wives.

[Melissa73]

same thing happened to me. I was living and working at a local motel. ANd we were a close bunch (very informal). anyways i had 21 jobs, and while i was out working the 1st job, one of the housekeepers (i know wh0) snuck into my room. And they never had to clean inside, as it was my responsiblity). anyways, when i got home, i went to put on a new bra i had just bought. it was missing. but i didnt think anything of it. so i bought a new one. a few days later that one was gone. And what was worse, is the next day i saw her wearing my bra. And i couldnt say a word! (i still dont know if she had told anyone, but had i said a word.....they would definitely know. for once, i knew how my sister felt, when i used to "borrow" her clothes.

[Sammy777]

These questions come to mind.
Are your sisters' younger, older, both?
was a small stash missing or were just certain items missing?
Do you keep everything in the same spot I mean?

Is what's missing something one of your sisters would wear?
Are you close in size to any of them?

[Have to ask, sorry] But were/are any of "your clothes" really just perma-borrowed clothes of your your sisters or moms?

I would think if mom found your stash she would not pick certain things out and leave the rest [unless they were her's]

Sounds more like one of your sisters found your stash and decided to "cherry pick" a few things either they though were theirs or just liked.

I would start with your oldest sister first, or the first one you see wearing one of your items, lol.

Without knowing their ages, or how much stuff you have it is hard to tell how much they know or figured out already.
So they will probably see right through the it was/is a girlfriends.
Unless your sisters are all 10 and younger, lol

Just simply ask your oldest first, did you borrow any of my clothes?
If she says, nooo then move on to the next sister.

The one that says something like........
Which ones are you talking about????
is probably the one, lol.

Anyway, girls know a lot more then they let on, and are more understanding and accepting then you think.

[Von]

You are the best one to estimate the reaction of your family. How do you think they will react? Is it reasonable to assume they realize or suspect you have a feminine side, or are you especially masculine outwardly? Would this be the first hint of such an inclination?

I would say carefully consider your decision. Whether it's in the long run, or more immediate, it may (or may not - again, you can best judge) be easier for one of your sisters to accept. It is also possible that they could have some insight into your parents thought process.

I guess if it seemed plausible, you would have already considered or mentioned it, but when I was a teenager I had several girls in my room... maybe they suspect that?

Unless you are looking for a reason to come out, I'm not sure it's necessary to be in any hurry to address it. But there are people here much better qualified to advise you about that than I am.

Finally, I would never have assumed anything in my room was secret from my mother as long as I lived at home. Even if she wanted to respect my privacy, and didn't do it often, I imagine her curiousity and concern got the better of her at times.

Good luck.

[kimdl93]

yep, you're probably busted. If your Mom is like mine was when she found a few of my things, she may keep this information to herself. Now, if you have your own things - weren't taking your sisters clothes, you may also be on solid ground with her. That all depends on the nature of your relationships.

[josie_S]

I was busted a couple times, I think, when I was younger. I never had my own stash until I was in my late 20s so I just think my mom 'knew' and perhaps even my brothers 'saw/caught me' and it was very embarassing but they never confronted me at all. In my family problems weren't problems if you ignored them.

But I knew they knew. I'm not just being paranoid (I find cd's to be a paranoid bunch at times), they've always hinted/worried at the idea of me being gay, and they once tried to take me to an endocrinologist (I was 12 or so).

You know what though? None of it changed me, and I'm glad. It's all been worth it just to experience being dressed to the 9s, going to a club, and dancing for hours in the hottest pair of heels I can afford. That's FUN!

I'm sorry you're going through it, girl...but hang in there and know that your life is yours and yours alone, so be happy!

[Jenny Green]

", and I thought I was coy by hiding one of her nightgowns between the mattress & the box spring,"

I used the same hiding place, Nathalie! Ha! Your letter made me laugh. I kept a bra and half slip there occasionally, and have always wondered whether they were ever found. Nothing was ever said, and I have no reason to think they were found, but my mom would change my sheets from time to time. At any rate, I would have said they belonged to my girlfriend, as I was in college at the time.

[jemima_bates]

I also got busted - I think - a few years ago by my mum.

It was never, ever discussed, but I really got the impression she 'knew'. She did know.

I agree with some of the other posters - what do you WANT to happen? I felt like I missed a real opportunity to open up at the time, and wished I'd played things differently.

Hope it all works out for you.

Jemima
x

[Eve_WA]

DITTO!

My stash disappeared twice growing up. Most were my sisters things. Nothing was ever said. I'm 48 now, mid teens then. Mom pretty much subscribed to the 'if we ignore it, it didn't happen' philosophy when it came to sexuality and personal expression. Now break a law of god or man... she was all over you like... (pick your expression).

So all may not be lost. But I would be prepared with answers should the topic arise.

I do like the idea of querying the sisters, and see which one responds snarky.

So how you proceed depends upon you. Do you want to be passive, and wait and see, Or active, and hint around and see who responds defensive. You know your family. Best of luck and I feel for you.

[Rachel M]

In the early stages of CD'ing many of us tend to "borrow" from our moms or sisters. I was just curious if this was the case. The items you found missing, did they happen to belong to someone else? They may have been reclaimed by their original owner. If you bought them on your own and they are cute and trendy you might want to check with your sisters. They may have borrowed it.
Rachel

[Chickhe]

Assuming it was clothing you purchased... you just yell out loud, did anyone see my puple bra?!! Could be your mother found it and thought it was your sisters...or your sister found it and 'took it back'...think it was hers. Doesn't mean anyone knows... I would do my own snooping to find it to discover who knows and take it back and then decide if you want to ask them about it. It is not really fair to have someone searching your stuff withut telling you, but a parent just wants to know you are not in some sort of trouble. ...it may be their way of letting you know they know something... but they probably have no clue to what it is really about.

[Loni]

as far as something missing? well just maybe you did misplace it?
i just found something that i thought i had lost/was stolen.
was even thinking my landlord had been in the house.
as far as your parents i would say not. i would say a sister (same size)?? not theft just borrow? thought it belonged to another in the family? sisters and moms do borrow things with not saying a word.
i say just go on with life as is, nothing wrong. just maybe invest in a lock?
buy a couple books talking about the truth of cross dressing...maybe leave it laying around?? test the waters first.
here is a good read
Aspects of gender, a study of cross-dressing behavior
by Lesley Gordon

a dull read but truthful. it is more like a study guide for a collage class.


Loni

.

[Anneliese]

I've been wondering whether I've been found out at work, not due to dressing, but due to shopping, which I regularly do quite publicly.

All involve chatty, gossipy women.

First incident: An employee brings in a woman's jacket with flowers embroidered on it, hangs it up, and puts a sign on it which says, "free to good home". Another lady in the office asks me if it's "my size", and when I smile and say, "I don't think so", she then asks me if it's my daughter's size.

Another incident happened yesterday. The housekeeper of the owner of the company comes in to shop (we're on excellent terms), and while checking out, notices the cashier has a blouse on which has sequins, which she refers to as "bling". She then asks me if I wear bling. I said, "I wear tie-dyes", and the cashier says, "we don't know what he might be wearing underneath". All is said with smiles and seemingly while joking, but I don't know.

As I said, all of the above women are chatty and into gossip, as are the customers who seek them out. The company I work for is very liberal, so I'm not worried about my job, but I am wondering if I'm being talked about, or if this was all just some friendly joking around.

[P4_Idol]

Have you found out who grabed your stuff and if so have you asked for it back.
This might be a sign for you to come out. Some one in your house knows and mybe wanting you tell them in there face how you feel and be yourself. Who knows mybe they will still love you and will help you buy stuff.

[emilygielen]

Just ask if someone went to your room recently?? Because There is something missing!!
You don't need to tell it's girl clothes... If someone took it, he/she will probably talk to you about that privately. If no one answers your question, you might sneak into their room to find out yourself who took it! Once you found out, you might want to talk about that with that person or not.. depends on you! But it's preferable to talk with him/her if you want it kept secret!

[Emma Campbell]

lol i have found it thank god!!! it had just fell behind drawers clumsy me it is one of my favorite tops that i did buy my self im so glad to have i back but it has made me think about coming out the reason i have not come out yet is because of an incident when me and my dad was out we saw a crossdresser and my dad said "look at that p**f people like that deserve to be shot" so i dont know what to do i know he wont like it and i dont want to damage our relationship

[mklinden2010]

Some people live such crummy lives.

I lived in a house with a lot of people. Since we all had secrets, and knew our secret would be brought up if we ratted someone out about theirs, it was, "Mind your own business" when you came across other people's business.

Nothing I had, even if I borrowed it, ever went missing. And, if someone mentioned something that I knew about, I took the clue and made sure they found it somewhere close to where they expected it to be.

By the same sort of token, if you came around the corner and saw something you shouldn't see - you never saw it, you were never there, and you had no idea why anyone would ever think you did.

Live and let live, people.

[monalisa]

There might be a second crossdresser in the house. Wait and see who is wearing your clothes
Maybe the whole family can just have 1 big closet of unisex clothes to choose from. It would make it so much easier.

[kimberly ann487]

Emma,the top that was missing was found on the floor of the closet behind some boxes. I told my wife I was sorry that I accused her of taking it. That's the last of the subject we don't talk about it much. I wish we could but it's usually limited to yelling and name calling on her part, so silence is better.

[Allyson Michelle]

when I was 16, my mom found undergarments that weren't her's or my sister's, so when she asked me about it i told her it was from a "booty call" and she believed it. I was still in trouble for "having a girl over", but that's much better than being in trouble for dressing up as a girl! i live with my grandparents because my mom passed away and I HATE my dad's new wife. also I'm having monetary issues right now (but that is beside the point)

As for what you should do, if you are ready to tell them then do as such, but if not u can try to come up with an excuse, or just pass it off like it never happened. but as Kathi Lake said, someone knows and the cat is pretty much out of the bag now so..

just do what u think is right in ur heart. I have managed to keep it from my family up till now, after countless suspicions and "stash findings" and i just turned 19 in May.

[emilygielen]

lol i have found it thank god!!! it had just fell behind drawers clumsy me it is one of my favorite tops that i did buy my self im so glad to have i back but it has made me think about coming out the reason i have not come out yet is because of an incident when me and my dad was out we saw a crossdresser and my dad said "look at that p**f people like that deserve to be shot" so i dont know what to do i know he wont like it and i dont want to damage our relationship

You can come out to your mom first and tell her that you're afraid of your dad knowing it... She might have good advice for you!