I new this was coming for quite some time and Finally, I have had the courage to talk with my wife. As I mentioned in my previous posts, she had told me five (or so) years ago that if I didn't quit, she would divorce me.
I don't know if it was newfound courage from the drive home from Los Angeles or if I just wanted to get it off my chest but we talked last night for quite a while. I had already prepared a script for this occasion and knew everything I wanted to convey to her. When we talked, the script was tucked away out of sight but I remembered most of what was in it.
We cried, she was angry, hurt, disappointed and slightly relieved that I wasn't having an affair. I told her I was already in therapy and that this was not going to go away. My need to express this part of me is too great and most of the problems we have had were probably related to my suppressing this part of me. She wants me to find Jesus again so he might be able to cure me.
Today, she told me she doesn't know what to do or where to turn. She asked quite a few more questions about whether I am gay or may want to be a woman. I told her I didn't think so on both counts but didn't want to lie and say I knew for sure. I kn ow she is very confused and conflicted right now but she didn't toss me out on my ear so I am feeling pretty good about that. I will keep everyone posted as things develop.