advice on being heckled?.........

[Deelite]

Kitchenette,

It makes me feel better that even GG's suffer from this! (as awful as that sounds! big hug to you!) I think you are so right that had i'd been with a friend, he would of not said anything! He was just showing off in front of his friends to pick on someone who was vulnerable, and knew they wouldnt fight back. A coward in other words.
As others have said here, i can not stop people heckling me, its going to happen, and its something i will get used to over time. Its something thats not happened before. One thing for sure i am not going stop dressing, especially because of a low life like that.
Its an interesting thought that you might think i might of turned him on, maybe he thought, oh its a girl, oh Cr*p! its not a girl, ive been had!, its a guy, i feel stupid now i must shout at that person for fooling me.

I realise thick skin does come with being a CD, its something i am learning fast.

Thankyou and everyone for your help.

Dee.

[joannemarie barker]

Wow nobody is safe from it if you're not

[prene]

I agree with Tamara Ann Valla.
When you confront a crazy person . . . with people around "which on is the crazy one".
"The Crazy one or the one confronting the crazy one".

I have been harrassed a few times not as bad but it still felt bad.
Good luck and keep your head I wish I looked as good as you.

[kitchenette]

Deelite - Just to add to the absurdity of it all.. I was just thinking about the "bad old days" when I was younger and remembering the crazy things men used to say to me...
The outlandish: "You shave your legs, why don't you shave your armpits?"
The ubiquitous: "Nice titties."
The classy: "How much for the girl?"
It was endless!!! Non-stop. As soon as I walked out my door and all day long. On the street, at school, at work, nowhere was safe. You are lovely and young, so it's just going to happen for a while...! Once I hit 28, it kinda went away. It never happens anymore.

Chin up!!

[Deelite]

Hi kitchenette

Do you know what, a part of me feels ashamed about being male, when men treat women like the way you were treated. Especially now i have been on the recieving end of being heckled. Being a CD we are different to these men and that i can be very, very thankful for.

Hugs, Dee.

[Ashleythenewgirl]

Deelite,
Do the best you can at being a CD (as you do) and that more than makes up for ignorant gits like those at the mall.
Ashley

[Alice Torn]

Reminds me of my first day out dressed. Got yelled at, with obscenities by guys passing in a car, later some teens shouted, "OMG" several times after seeing me walking a sidewalk. Later that day, a man asked me to give his battery a jump start, then told his kids "don't look". I ignored all that, and stayed quiet.

[divamissz]

Not taking the bait was the best thing to do. You're not going to change their minds, so why bother? And getting into a shouting match just makes them look like they're right and you really are mental...

Okay, now what I do-Look straight at them, smile, then walk away. Let them wonder what the hell that is supposed to mean! Unless I think I'm in physical danger, then you're going to lose a body part...

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Dee, awkward situation isn't it. I'll bet nothing would have been said if this neanderthal was alone, as he was probably just grandstanding for his mates. I think you handled the situation well by not responding. Personally I would have just smiled widely back at him and maintained eye contact.

The one and only time I was heckled (barely rates as a heckle) was when another couple was in a dress shop where I was browsing, and something a tad deragatory was mentioned in my direction. Well, the SA serving me gave them "the look" and quite calmly but firmly informed them that although all customers are welcome here, we prefer polite ones. I didn't have to say anything. Priceless moment

Tash

[Annaliese2010]

Hey girl, look at you! I mean LOOK at you Dee! You're hot with a capital H! True true and you know it! If you don't you should. Dunno how you couldn't

Point is...foolish people like the one you mention - and all others combined - are so below you, so unimportant, so underneath your radar screen they are invisible to you. When neanderthals attempt to communicate to superior beings it's quite entertaining isn't it? If I ever find myself in that situation it wouldn't affect me cuz I already disdain most people anyways - it's just my personality - not out of dislike, it's just the way I've always been. I don't think very many ppl in that collective animal called 'the general public' are worth interacting with, listening to or even recognizing extant. I mean lets face it girl, most ppl you randomly encounter in your day to day doings are all so predictable, boring and usually on the make. Am I right?

But... should you choose to tune-in to them it's sometimes worth it. Sort of like going to the zoo. So... if a silly chimpanzee makes funny, just smile - if it annoys you, be aloof with a pretty pokerface tude as you flash it your middle finger. If it really annoys you, blow it a kiss and with a tone of mild playful mockery say "Oh don't YOU wish!" or "Only in your dreams boo boo".

[TxKimberly]

Personally I think you did exactly the right thing. . .

[Jason+]

Reminds me of my first day out dressed. Got yelled at, with obscenities by guys passing in a car, later some teens shouted, "OMG" several times after seeing me walking a sidewalk. Later that day, a man asked me to give his battery a jump start, then told his kids "don't look". I ignored all that, and stayed quiet.

Louise, hats off to you for helping him anyways. For me the children would have been the only reason that lummox wouldn't have walked home.

Deelite, I like the smile idea perhaps with a wave and a thank you to go with it followed by a dismissive turn away to go about your business.

[linda.wai]

My way of dealing with hecklers is the same as dealing with stray dogs that bark and chase me. I just ignore them. I will not respond by walking faster or by interacting. I just try ti act normal and not give them the joy of being responded to.

[debbie55]

I cant believe we are on page two and no one has asked for pics of the new boots and dress yet.

Dee you have been an inspiration to me to get out there, you look fabulous and 'I’m sure the reason the goon reacted the way he did was because he checked you out first, thinking what those types think, ohh err, he must have been pretty interested to look long enough to find some tell you may have had.

you did the right thing imho

[Carla Stevens]

Yep, I have to agree with everyone else. You did the right thing.
I bet everyone around him wondered what he was going on about.
If you had have reacted to him, he's then got what he wanted. Don't give them the satisfaction.

[GirlieAmanda]

This IS my biggest fear when I am dressed. This kinda thing is the thing that makes me think twice about going out. I hate it. I know it would be rare but I just fear it. I think I look pretty good but dammit I can't look good enough to totally be not scared of not only hecklers but judging looks by other women. I do draw strength from your handling of the situation. I know I would have handled it EXACTLY the same. I am super non-confrontational. I would have been shaken too. I don't know how I would have been after. I hope like you saying Damn the torpedoes!! and continuing on.

[Kari Lynn Franks]

I just look them straight in the eye smile and sometimes ill even wave

[Fab Karen]

Do the same as any GG would do- ignore them. If you give a reaction you have given them what they want. You don't have to look everyone in the eyes, but don't try to hide your face or look down.

[RachelPortugal]

Dee,

Can't offer any advice that hasn't already been given. All I can say is that I think you did the right thing by ignoring the oik. By not making eye contact or responding verbally and unless he was physically pointing at you, other shoppers' attentions would have been drawn to him shouting rather than you. I also think you were wise to head for another town, you may well have bumped into the oik later in the day in a closer encounter than on adjacent escalators.

I assume you were shopping locally in Hampshire, and knowing that you love Primark, as do I, the store layout you described resembles a Primark that I frequent when in England. It can be annoying that the menswear dept is right next to the ladies shoes, on the other hand it is close enough to peruse the ladies shoes if you are a nervous shopper.

[DianeDeBris]

Dee and all -- I second the safety-and-dignity-first points that have been made so very well. Now would you mind helping me (isolated here in the Cowboy State!) to understand what "croydon facelift" and 'kappa slappers' are <g>? Thanks, and big hugs!! Diane

[Ruth]

Dee, I'm sure you reacted the right way, and don't let one idiot spoil your day or put you off the joys of walking out en femme. I think, looking at your avatar, that the boy very likely was checking you out as a very attractive young woman, then somehow he made you, and his reaction was born out of extreme embarrassment and discomfort: in fact he was probably just as upset as you were! But he lacked your poise and self-control.
So look at it that way - you definitely came out on top in that confrontation.

[Rianna Humble]

i think the best thing to do, is be a geezer
grab this prat by the neck and give him a good shake

If you are going to react as a geezer, the neck is too high up, you should do a Vinnie Jones and grab him by the brains - you know those two round bits between his legs

Seriously, Dee, you are right there will always be people who react in this way to anything outside of their own tiny world and you did exactly the right thing by ignoring him. Please don't let this incident knock your confidence for six, you showed not only courage but also dignity. Good on you!

[Jilmac]

I have been read on several occasions being out as Jill and have gotten the usual looks and stares. Most of the time I just flash a big smile and walk on. If I'm confronted by someone with a smart comment my standard comeback is, "thanks for noticing me, I'm having such a fabulous time, you should try it sometime". That will usually take the wind out of their sails and they'll walk away red faced. If you have a quick comeback or simply smile at the louts to let them know it doesn't bother you, it can make your outings much more pleasurable.

[Daenna Paz]

my standard comeback is, "thanks for noticing me, I'm having such a fabulous time, you should try it sometime".

[SIZE="4"]I absolutely love this!! ;^)[/SIZE]

[SIZE="3"]Can't wait to be heckled again (or can I?)[/SIZE]

[Fab Karen]

Now would you mind helping me (isolated here in the Cowboy State!) to understand what "croydon facelift" and 'kappa slappers' are <g>? Thanks, and big hugs!! Diane

I suspect many of us are wondering what those are, translated into English