So, about a month ago, I decided it was time to reveal my dressing to my girlfriend.
We've been together for a rather long time, and several things are coming together that have made me realize that she needs to know - deserves to know, I think is better. We've known each other for twenty years, and have dated now for about six years. Our families are pretty much blended at this point, and I know I couldn't continue or move forward without coming clean.
In a quiet moment, I let the secret out in small bites. She was very much taken aback, and really wasn't sure how to deal with it. And, of course, she had a ton of questions ranging from "are you gay?" to "aren't you afraid of getting caught?" with a considerable range in between. I can't say that her reaction was a happy one. In retrospect, looking back at other discussions about this here, I'd say she reacted pretty typically - and taking everything into account, I think her reaction was reasonable and honest.
This was about a month ago. A week or so after I let the cat out of the bag, with some tense moments in between, I told her that I thought it was best if I just gave her room to consider everything at her own pace, in her own time, and not push the issue. Meanwhile, I ordered a copy of "My Husband Betty" to read for myself - and to give to her after I'd finished it.
Yesterday, I brought the book over to her house. To my surprise, she also had a copy, had finished it and had about two hundred sticky notes sticking out of it with questions for me. After a pretty lengthy talk, she seems to have made her peace with this - at least as much as I could expect after a month.
Last night, I introduced her to Alison. I think she had a little trouble with it at first, but after awhile it came down to discussion of hair, makeup, clothing styles (that's awfully low-cut, isn't it? Are those your boobs? Don't you think that skirt is pretty short?)
A curious response from her, re: my outfits: she feels like I dress more nicely, as in sexier, than she does, and she freely admitted to being a little jealous... she wants to go shopping, says if she's going to be seen with me as a girl, she's not going to feel like "less of a woman" than I am. Another reaction - she wants to dress "better" in her words and go out for dress-up events with me, as a male, a lot more than we've been going out. (we've both been watching money closely since she had some health issues and I've been through layoffs twice since we've been together).
So my questions to the GGs and to others who've made it this far with their GG S/O -- GGs, is that sense of competition something that you've felt? Do you feel threatened by the way your CD/SO looks as a girl? I'm not going to call it jealousy because I don't think that's fair to her - I'm asking her to bite off an awful lot here, and I'm grateful that she's trying.
To the CDs, have you encountered this? And to both, how have you worked through this?
My gut tells me that since she did the research, found what seems to be a well-regarded book on the subject, read it through, organized her thoughts, and opened the door for Ali to appear, I think she's trying really hard to make it work for both of us. We've talked about going out together as women, particularly to events hosted by a local meetup.com TG group. We've talked about shopping together and it *feels* like the seeds of having fun doing that are planted without huge hesitation from her. I want to do this right, respect her boundaries and her need to reach her own conclusions at her own pace... I don't think anything else will result in a happy ending for either of us. So, I'm looking for your opinions...