That was probably ME, Christine! I don't enjoy dressing to blend. I'm TERRIBLE at makeup and was trying out some new 5 1/2" spike heels! Sorry to have embarrassed u! I'll go back in my closet now, where I belong!Originally Posted by Christine1954
That was probably ME, Christine! I don't enjoy dressing to blend. I'm TERRIBLE at makeup and was trying out some new 5 1/2" spike heels! Sorry to have embarrassed u! I'll go back in my closet now, where I belong!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Thats funny doc! If you can't laugh at that, then you need to get out of here!
It's too bad you don't know her. Then you might be in a position to help with her presentation, after checking first to see if she would like the help of course.
Lets' face it, being a CDer doesn't guarantee automatic fashion expertise. There are lots of people both male and female who just don't have an eye for detail or a sense of decorum, and in most cases they probably don't care and it likely doesn't matter anyway. But, when a CDer looks like a badly made-up drag queen, the down side is that people won't treat her as well as they might otherwise. She might notice this and her feelings could get hurt.
The same thing applies to say, a young guy who goes job hunting in the corporate world wearing torn jeans and flip-flops. Or the GG who meets her bf's parents with her boobs hanging out of her top, G string showing, and chewing gum. I bet you anything both these people would appreciate pointers, since an improvement in their appearance might get them what they want, which is the job or the parents' approval.
The CDer you saw needs your compassion, not your disapproval.
Last edited by ReineD; 03-23-2011 at 12:05 AM.
Reine
As always Reine I love reading your posts as they are always very smart and insightful. I have just one thought though. It goes back to the threads about "outing" another CD by mearly making contact. Maybe that is the look that makes that person happy with herself, and by us saying something could ruin thier day.
For example try telling a young wanna-be rapper that his pants would be better served 8 sizes smaller, WITH SUSPENDERS, so the tops don't hang half way down thier crack.
I'm sure he wants to hear how the establishment would look better upon him.
I really do understand what you were saying though. That's what makes it all so hard to decide. Damned if you do, damned if you don't
Last edited by Stephanie Miller; 03-23-2011 at 11:25 AM.
I have several friends who go out and are easily read. They don't care if they pass or not. They present themselves in a nice manner and tend to blend in well. You have to admire their courage and audacity.
I see plenty of people who belong to the some group or classification to which I belong. Some times one or more may appear or behave in a way I find embarrassing or distasteful. I don't run up and say, "hey, stop it, you are embarrassment to ______ and me". As has been already said, who am I to judge or be the arbitrator of good taste and decorum. I'm sure others would find problems with some aspects of my being to which I would disagree.
As a Genetic Female (albeit who does have F2M tendencies which led me to this board )
when I see a "transvestite" who is not even close to passing (eg. a 60+ man in my area
who has been seen every summer in a dress and such a bad "Mrs. Dog The Bounty Hunter" wig)
I wonder:
Is the dude insane? Am I in danger? ..because it is obvious he has a departure from
his senses (if any) or shame (if any) or cannot control his desires/himself and acts on impulse
and has NO REGARD for (the feelings of) anyone else - does not care about anyone else.
So - again - AM I IN DANGER?
Now - I took my male friend out en femme just within the past few days ( his first outing )
and we even went into women's dressing room areas (2nd trip) and washrooms ... BUT ...
I know the dude is sane ( haha - used loosely ) and means no harm to anyone or himself
BUT ...
We both worked very hard to get him passable so that he would not ALARM anyone else ( SEE ABOVE )
and when he went out we had a rescue system - what to do if it looked like he was "made" ( once was )
so that we could but the notion of a "false" alarm in a woman's head, so she'd not be GENUINELY SCARED.
See - if I went into a washroom or parkade by myself and did not KNOW there was a dude in there - no problem.
And if I knew there was a dude in there, if I knew he was in there with a female friend of his which gave me
reason to believe he was not just PSYCHOTIC and not in touch with reality and not intending to predate on me
...really no issue. By virtue of another woman giving him "safe zone cred" - he's not a THREAT.
And since MOST of you CDs are heterosexual - you can see my point.
In the paragraph above, notice that I did NOT say the dude was dressed as a female.
THAT would just make me MORE worried - increase the probability - that he is azed and intending me harm.
This is what it is like to live as a female. I have a REPULSIVELY overweight and UGLY co-worker who is afraid
to walk to her car by herself in broad daylight because she is afraid of being raped. They guys ( and me, kinda )
just laugh at the absurdity of it. I doubt Tyson could knock her down. But women ARE PREY - and we think like it.
Those of you who think it is ok to just walk through a mall unpassing and not caring - please - consider others, mmmkay?
Consider that you may make a female so scared that she shoots you ( I'm serious! )
We don't think like you do for the most part - EVERYTHING noticed as out of the ordinary is a threat to us until proved otherwise.
But ... you can pass if you sacrifice some glamour. Just look drab. Use a winder coat as a cover.
Not everyone will look like Kim Kardashian ( welcome to the reality of being girl - 'cept no gyno-issues for you)
You can have an outing with a "buddy" by hiring an escort or posting an ad seeking someone to "coach"
you for a "theatrical role audition" in which you need to play a woman. Or post an employment ad seeking
women to take CD men on outings - $25/hour - easiest money ever for them and well spent for you.
I think every male could pass as female with the right season, clothes, make-up, glasses, wig, hat/hood
and enough feedback here. I think you would be a lot safer if you went out with a buddy until confident.
NEVER go into a place where alcohol is served while dressed. If you get hit on, and THEN made
you may get the face beat off you buy a guy who is humiliated at what happened and then must
take it out on YOU for being a "fag" ( which is what he'd call a male acting like a female. )
This is why most nightclubs don't allow xdressing - for the protection of the xdresser.
Last edited by ashlylynn; 03-23-2011 at 01:04 AM.
Stephanie, I didn't word my post precisely enough.I know the OP was in no measure to go up to this person and offer help. I just wanted to offer a different perspective, rather than feeling ashamed of her.
Reine
If the person is comfortable with what is done and can handle the situation in a relaxed manner, why not. If they are confident then ok, its those people who are not comfortable with themselves and lack confidence that subject themselves to any problems that may arise. I think it should give one more confidence as it says basically, if he can do it why can't I!
For me, I am not confident nor am I comfortable with my appearance to even poke my head out the door dressed as a female.
As the thread shows if you dont "pass" you will get crap from many directions.
I have a theory is that if you didnt look like a hot mess your first nite out, you waited too long :-)
The good news for those of us that may never pass, is that there are events, meetings and nites out where there is a supportive community.
So even if you arent the delicate feminine flower you can and should still get out and have fun
Being out doesnt mean walking thru the mall unnoticed for everyone.
Dont get me wrong looks still matter at those events, but in my experience if you are giving it an honest effort you should be fine.
I have only been out a 6-7 times.
Most times I go to out of the way places, and cd neutral places.
I pass (sort of) from behind and when I am not in bright light ... or talking.
I always do my makeup well and usuallly have a few gg with me helping.
Doubtfull if I would ever pass... mind I've picked out others that have in a crowd so it may just be that I have a critical eye for detail, but that said I still go into town. Yes I get looks but not all of them are bad, I've even been whistled at by women and jeered at by men as I walk past so I know they made me. Just give em a smile to say you don't care and get on with what it is you were doing.
Be comfortable with your self and never mind what the world thinks.
Out'a my mind
back in 5 minutes
leave a message!!
You should go out if you don't pass. I don't and I still do' I don't get any strange looks or comments, so I guess a little bit of confidence goes a long way.
I guess much of it would depend on a person's motive for CDing to begin with.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I'm unable to post photos from my iPhone, or if I can I don't know how to but, anyway, if you wish you can check me out on fb.
I know I don't pass, very few of the girls I've met pass, although some have been simply stunning ! I venture out to main stream venues all the time with no problems. I go to organised meets, where we have arranged a night out and meal or even venues for the total novice. We all have to start somewhere and that's my aim, to help any person, M or F, to realise they are not alone, they can get help and what a wonderful time can be had !
Dress sense is something you gain with experience and help. I don't judge others but will offer advice if asked.
I know I don't pass a lot of the time. I still make an effort to get out and enjoy myself and with each outing I learn something. I find more courage ans its more and more fun. I try different outfits and looks and when I get a compliment I remember what I was wearing and how I looked, It gives me a feeling of wellbeing and acceptance, pratice makes perfect, so start praticing- you are not getting any younger.
Hi.
Ashlylynn,
I do, ... NOT ... (( pass )) as a normal woman im not normal any way. did not crossdress not even a transsexual transvestite no, not a natal female , no womb ,yet im accepted as a woman both legal & by all Govt depts .
I dress as a woman im 63 have no head of hair use hardly any make up just lippy & eye brow liner ,
im a member of a few women only groups , women only forums im involved with many groups a mix of both men & women .
Iv stood in front of very large groups of people & talked to them. & if you read some of my posts youll see what i have done. & my pic tells a story, iv been over seas & where ever i go im accepted first as a person . & 2nd as a woman.
For me if it was about passing then im a compleate failure i do not look like a woman ,
Yet, if you stood in front of this kid youd find a all out WOMAN whos a intersex androgynous woman , you see we come in all shapes & sizes & iv been told im nothing other than a woman , even tho im born both male , female / woman.
i cant help how i look , so does that say im a socal out cast because i dont look & pass as a woman should .
I have respect from women & men, im well known , so i have some thing going for me as youll find out as you get to know me.
Christine.
I know many if not most dressers wil surpass me any time in how they look even do far better than i in how they are accepted as a woman make up dress & all there is & most would make me look so out of the pic that id be so embarrised in thier compnay,
If you understand that youll know how i feel as a woman i know what its like i live this every day im faced with am i trying to be some one that im not thats hard to work through im still here after many years .
What im trying to say is we can go out in to the world & be accepted for who we are.
Accepting your self , you can be accepted by others iv used every thing inside of my self so just dress the best you can get some help & go & have fun & enjoy who you are , just get out there & have FUN.
...noeleena...
Last edited by noeleena; 03-23-2011 at 07:52 AM.
I think the number one mistake a lot of CDs make is dressing like a street hooker. If you're not 20 years old, 5'6" or less and 130 lb, you're not going to pull it off no matter how much you want to. A high percentage of GGs couldn't pull this off if they tried.
If you're 45 years old and built like a man, the best you can hope for is to look like a rather large 45 year old woman. No mini skirts, no 5" heels, no "night club" makeup.
What you have to do is observe GGs your age and size, then dress and act like them. You may pass, you may not, but you'll have a much better chance.
For me, If I thought I would pass and had the opportunity, I would try it, but dressed and made up appropriately. I'm not one to put on a dress and walk down the street with a beard.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
If you're comfortable with yourself and how you look, why shouldn't you go out? If I have to wait until I "pass" in everyone else's eye's, I'll be stuck indoor's for the rest of my life.
Nicole
I believe it's all a personal choice, but girls who make no effort must NOT FORGET that you make it very easy for trans prejudice to exist and often make transgender women not be taken seriously. Know you do reinforce stereotypes with it and your immediate pleasure can have consequences.
You are inclined to judge others when you feel like you are being or going to be judged yourself , loose the shackles of the feeling of being judged then you will stop judging others .
It is the one`s that don`t pass that will make it more acceptable in the future as they are seen for what they are .
Last edited by Joanne f; 03-23-2011 at 09:01 AM.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne
Ok great thread. Stop in some average place, maybe working class, and look at women objectivly. You will see enevitably several who if you open you mind that they might not be women, could be CD doing a bad job of looking fem. lots of less that " barbie" perfect, heck some even less than "Rosanne" fem. and what do they get away with it? Because they just go and yes they may know they are not image perfect but they are out there doing what they have to or want to with what they have. I have a auto parts dealer who has a counter SA who if I had to guess was a T girl build,my goodness shoulders and tough but all made up. But I have meet her son and he calls her mom! We see in each other our selves who and what we do and don't want to be. Do I want to be the obviously out of place guy in a bra pointed at by children? No, but someday that might happen is there a chance she/he doesn't see or need outside approval, good for her. I would like to think I would have made some excuss to exhange pleasantries with this person, make someones day. In my humble opinion
Judge not, lest ye be judged......
Kim
"I just gotta be me"
If you don't pass as female should you go out in public?
No, you must stay home and crawl to the deepest darkest corner of your closet.
Even though one might not pass as a female is no reason not to go out and enjoy yourself. I have come across many GG's that don't pass as female. It never stops them from going out. As someone said, do be careful while out as not all are happy to see us.
Quick answer.....of course, yes... go out and be yourself!
It comes down to confidence, no?
If you are blessed with confidence and titanium-plated skin then you can go out looking however you choose and we should applaud those who do. It was only recently when I felt I could go out dressed up after deciding I really *really* needed to feel the breeze on my legs
It would be great if I do 'pass' (but I suspect I don't), but I'm relatively new to this going out thing and I need to learn - the best way is through experience.
I can understand the OP's feeling of embarrasment, but I wonder if they feel that same when they see a badly dressed GG?
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