[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]I have a wife unhappy with me even wearing BRAS AND PANTIES UNDER REGULAR CLOSE. ANY SUGGESTIONS?
[SIZE="3"][/SIZE]I have a wife unhappy with me even wearing BRAS AND PANTIES UNDER REGULAR CLOSE. ANY SUGGESTIONS?
Talk to her. Find out why she is unhappy. Let her know that you want to talk, that you don't want to hear ultimatums, but that you want to understand her and you want her to understand you.
Kathi
Thanks, maybe i can try that, usually she says you don't want to go there.
You do. In fact, you both need to go there. She needs to know that this isn't going away, that you'll be there for her, that you're still the man she married. You need to know how this affects her, and what you can do to minimize the pain.
Did I mention talking?
Kathi
Kathi's right. You DO need to go there. Or it will sit between you both and fester. But... you need to talk about it when you have correct information about what is, why is and how is crossdressing always going to be a part of your lives . Not just "feelings". She has those too, and they are just as valid.
Marriage isn't for everyone.
Lots of us would like to know the answer to that question. Take it slow and be considerate of her feelings. Try to predict what she will say, it will help you understand where she is coming from.
My wife liked my (not wild) panties, but it took several years of her knowing that I cross-dress before she got comfortable with me wearing a bra in her presence.
This is something that partners may need rather some time to adapt to.
Think of it as another "hobby", Ritchell. Like; bowling, golf, watching TV sports, etc. Something OTHER than CDing that she would object to u doing too much of!
If u still CAN'T discuss it and come to a compromise, it eventually WILL be something else! Even if u give up dressing for her!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Communication is what is needed now, and the communication must be both ways. You need to get across to her why you wish to wear these things and she needs to air her concerns. If you both talk it over carefully, and manage to do it without resorting to drawing "lines in the sand" you have a good chance of resolving the issue.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
So many great answers thus far! I agree TALK, EXPLAIN LISTEN! Or it will be D-I-V-O-R-C-E!
If you don't like the way I'm livin', you just leave this long haired country girl alone:
There is peace in our house as long as I keep it out of her face.
Originally Posted by gender_blender
Thank you, for the love of god THANK YOU!
I don't want to paint with too broad a brush and there are always exceptions, but unfortunately common sense dictates that it will be more difficult to alter her views, the older you both are and the longer you've been married. If she has any religious or moral objections it will be even more difficult to have her change her mind.
A 30ish year old woman in a fairly new marriage will be more flexible than a 60 something woman who has been married to you for 40 years and who has never imagined that you enjoyed wearing women's clothing. I'm sorry.
That said, there are people who are open minded no matter their age. But unfortunately your wife is telling you that she isn't.
The best you can do is to ask her to stretch enough to begin to understand that the CDing is not a sickness or a sin. Find some resources that she can read. You can then tell her that you understand her disapproval, or her reluctance to participate, but try to impress upon her that you simply need to express this part of yourself that you have suppressed for most of your life. Let her know it is not sexual. Again, the resources you find should help her to understand this.
And then, let her know that you do not want to force her to participate, but you also do not want to lie to her and dress behind her back. Ask her to negotiate times with you where you will be free to express yourself. Be sure to let her know that she is ALWAYS invited to join you, since you do not want her to feel as if you are trying to keep her out of it.
You might want to find a gender support group to join. Most of these groups welcome the wives. If your wife is deadset against the CDing, she might feel more comfortable if you attend a support group rather than begin going to gay bars dressed, for example.
Good luck!
Reine
Being single isn't for everyone either, and the OP didn't ask for advice on how to get a divorce.
Thank you, for the love of god THANK YOU!
Correct. The OP is asking how to make things right with a disaproving wife.Being single isn't for everyone either, and the OP didn't ask for advice on how to get a divorce.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
you need to communicate but not focus on changing her mind..you need to calmly and compassionately explain to her what crossdressing is, you need to tell her how much you love her but this is something that is part of you..
then it up to her.. you may be faced with difficult choices or you may get a choice made for you if you know what i mean.. one common thing is you may get an ultimatum and you probably already know that never dressing again is a promise that will not be kept no matter what your intentions are..
good luck to both of you..
Hi Richell, After 48 years married it has become a don't ask don't tell kind of thinggie.
Out of sight out of mind I know my boundries and don't cross them
I don't rock the boat because the captian might throw me overboard.
Orchid
First thing you need to understand, some women will accept right off, I got lucky on that one, some take years to come to terms with it, and are reluctant at best, but there will always be some that will not ever, under any circumstance accept this in a partner. Your job has to be trying to figure out which one of those your wife fits into. Some of us can work things out where we can dress a lot, some not so much, and there are plenty of us that keep it under the DADT policy to find peace at home. It all rest on your wifes up bringing, and moral believes, and how open minded she is to alternate life styles, and not in the abstract, but in her own home. I can't tell you what kind of women your married to, or what might work with her, but I do wish you all the luck in the world, because it can be a make or break situation.
Tina
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
OK, so the wife knows you like to wear women's clothes, but that does not mean she likes you wearing bra and panties under your male clothes! Do you go out under dressed like that? If so, she rightfully fears someone will detect the bra and embarrass you and or her if she is with you. Talk to her about it. Ask her to set boundaries you both can live with. You may not get all you want, but who does in any relationship. You "might" be pushing her acceptance and comfort level. back off and consider her feelings. It's all about good communication. Maybe she will be fine with your dressing if for now, it's out of her sight. Arrange some agreed upon private time.
Don't let your compulsion and need to dress overshadow being understanding and compassionate to what your wife likes and dislikes. That should be a whole lot more important then wearing a bra and panties under your male clothes. Think ablout what makes her happy and do things to please her and she might come to accept this about you.
... and remember that there is a delicate balance here -- between your wants, her feelings and the importance of your relationship. Sometimes hard to balance.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] Proud member of the Lacey Leigh Fan Club
My take on this is that if she's unhappy and unaccepting now, she will never truly come around in the way that you want her to. She may learn to keep her concerns to herself, however she will always resent that part of you. It will chip away at you marriage until there is nothing left to salvage.
If she doesn't truly understand things now, she never will.
Sorry to be a downer. It's just my opinion given my life experience.
I've gone back through Richell's postings. Unfortunately we have no information about how long Richell's wife has known, how strongly Richell presents, about how they interact otherwise, about how strong the marriage is, or about what (more precisely) the wife dislikes or fears; nor do we know anything about whether Richell considers herself to be CD or transgendered or transsexual.
What we do know is that in one thread Richell indicated that she wears panties all of the time and a bra when she can.
I think it is a bit early to make long term judgements yet.
Tell her that you'll stop wearing dresses when she stops wearing pants, that'll stop her in her tracks. The double standard annoys the hell out of me.
As usual, Reine hits the nail on the head. I agree with everything she said except "let her know it's not sexual". Unless I missed something, we don't know that it's not sexual. Since the crossdressing cat is out of the bag, it's time to lay it all out, and if it's sexual, tell her so.
My wife knows that my dressing drive has a strong sexual component to it, and I think it's somewhat a relief to her, rather than her thinking that I have a feminine identity and want to be a woman (I don't). Also, some couples might use the sexual aspect to enhance bedroom activities, although it seems unlikely in this case.
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