Failing Confidence

[WendyH]

Kim, I can't add much that hasn't already been said. I can only say that I go through similar bouts from time to time, and that depression is usually lurking behind it. When in depression's clutches, I see every extra pound, every line and wrinkle, every flaw, every sign of maleness peeping through, and I feel like a fraud and want to hide away from the world. Sometimes I do. Once I manage to overcome the depression, I am able to see myself in a positive light again and the desire to be Wendy and to go out into the world comes back. Whether or not that is what's happening in your case, I hope you're able to find a better mental/emotional space. Maybe you need to get out the old guitar and immerse yourself in music for while--that always helps me!

[Stephanie47]

It must be a summer funk that's going around. I usually endure my summer break (mid June to Labor Day) with a little anxiety as I truly miss being en-femme. This summer? No, I am enduring fine. I haven't even perused eBay for slips and dresses, although I've been on eBay looking for toys, books and other stuff. I have the opportunity to dress today for several hours and I cannot get motivated. Maybe, it's climate change!!!!

[Nikki A.]

Kim, maybe you just need to get away from dressing for a bit. When it becomes expected, it's no fun anymore. I'm sure you'll bounce back.

[Debra Russell]

With me Kim it's just life and worries that make me think WtF am I doing? Who am I kidding? After getting a few problems solved and a little mind diversion my femm side will re-emerge and want out.......to which I embrace .......Debra

[Karren H]

I feel the same way lately. Like age is taking its toll and I can't look as good as I used to. We set too high a standards for ourselves and get discouraged when it doesn't click. I'm not clicking more and more these days. Maybe time to retire. Sigh.

[Victoria StJohn]

I could be totally off the mark Kimberly. This is just a suggestion.
But what you describe is one symptom of depression. No, not necessarily serious depression. But if you are a little low for what ever reason then it does affect how you see yourself. All the best, SUZY

Kimberly, I tend to agree with Suzy on this one. I'm sure it's a temporary situation. I would just take it easy for awhile, in drab mode if necessary, and let things ride out, one day at a time. Keep smiling and those feminine feelings will return. Cheers, VSJ.

[dilane]

It just may be time to go ... SHOPPING!!

When I hate my hair, I buy a new do

[Leslie Langford]

...I have absolutely no idea why, but the last month or two, my self confidence has been plummeting.

The last three or four times in a row that I've tried to make any of my wigs look presentable, I just can't seem to do it. No matter what I do, they look like hell.

Every outfit I try on, even those that I just wore a short time ago look awful or dont seem to fit right....

Hmmm, Kim - maybe you're becoming more of a girl than you realize, along with the corresponding mood swings and feeling "fat" and "ugly" from time to time...

Can't do a thing with your hair, every outfit you try on looks awful or doesn't seem to feel right, don't have a thing to wear etc, etc,...doesn't that sound awfully familiar, and don't we all hear that from our wives and SO's from time to time?

There is only one foolproof cure for those types of blues - some serious retail therapy! Luckily for you, all the summer clearance sales are in full swing right now. Go get 'em, girlfriend!

[Frédérique]

How can I go from feeling like it is an everyday thing that caused me little or no worry, to suddenly being a nervous wreck about it? To the best of my memory, nothing bad happened and yet my confidence seems to have flown without me. . .

[SIZE="2"]This has happened to me many times – anxiety comes and goes like waves, and you just have to ride it out. There will be better days, I promise…

Years ago, before I became part of a “community,” I was an innocent crossdressing boy living in Massachusetts, taking my artwork to exhibitions in Connecticut. I recall one day I was driving through Rhode Island, dressed to the nines, trying to make a routine trip into something special. That usually happens, but on this occasion I suddenly felt very vulnerable and anxious for no reason at all. Would the R.I. State Police detect my shiny, dangling earrings? My fears were completely irrational, but, at the earliest opportunity, I pulled over and changed back into my drab male “uniform,” feeling like I was cheating myself in the process. My trip once again became commonplace, and I felt terrible the rest of the day. I had briefly lost the courage to dress, along with the courage of my convictions. Thankfully, on the way home I regained my resolve, and, the very next day, I was dressed and feeling confident again, heading somewhere in a dress and feeling wonderful…

To lose confidence is human, I suppose, especially when you’re dealing with intangibles…[/SIZE]

[Nicole Erin]

Sometimes confidence does take a plummet for no apparent reason. It will come back though.
I don't know, maybe you are contemplating something bad happening?
But yeah just hang it up for a while as you need and roll back in later when you feel it more.

Or, maybe it IS becoming a chore. As any TS can tell you, after a while, trying to pretty up and do all the effort just becomes a pain in the butt.

[kimdl93]

kimberly...we all have our moments. But seriously. Look at yourself. You have no objective reason to lack confidence. You are...in every sense of the word... a doll. relax and push those nasty guy tings aside!

[SweetIonis]

I feel the same way lately. Like age is taking its toll and I can't look as good as I used to. We set too high a standards for ourselves and get discouraged when it doesn't click. I'm not clicking more and more these days. Maybe time to retire. Sigh.

Very interesting. Although I said it in another thread, concerning another topic, it's interesting to see the application here. Time has it's way of exposing things. Those were some cute nails tho, and that picture in the black dress was stunning.

[eluuzion]

hiya TxK,

Human emotions are like riding a rollercoaster...lots of ups and downs.
When we start a new activity we have endless energy and enthusiasm. It feels like a constant mental and physical adrenaline rush. We feel nothing can stop us. Unfortunately, it does not last forever.

At some point we pay a price for expending all of that mental and physical activity. We have exhausted ourselves with excitement. We not only emptied our fuel tank...we drained our reserve tank as well.

We suddenly find ourselves as low as we were high. Our motivation drops off, then our optimism, then our self-confidence. It can happen overnight. Just ask any artist, writer, commission salesperson or entrepreneur. Some kill themselves, some give up/quit and hopefully many survive it by understanding it is just a normal part of the emotional cycle and creative process. Peaks and Valleys, welcome to the human race.

Being self-employed most of my life taught me some valuable survival strategies early on. Understanding this is a repetitive cycle, not the end of the world, was one of the most valuable lessons I learned. I simply accept it is part of the emotional process and have a plan ready for surviving that down part of the cycle when it hits.

I use that time to "regroup", brainstorm, do creative projects, and rest up mentally and physically. The only damage control technique required is to resist the tendency to fall into negative thinking, which can produce disastrous outcomes.

The good news is that the down stage is typically short...and the cycle begins again with that rush of the next adventure.

Just don’t expect anybody that has not experienced this to understand it. They will all view that “down” cycle as your transition into depression, checking out or becoming a “loser”, lol.

just my thoughts...

[renee k]

I agree with what everyone has said. With me, I have my ups and downs. Even with being on HRT. I look in the mirror every once in awhile and say what the "H" are you doing. But then it's who I am deep down inside. One thing I've learned I cannot change these feeling I have about my fem side. So hang in there Kim, your not alone.

Renee

[SweetIonis]

Human emotions are like riding a rollercoaster...lots of ups and downs.

You say these are human emotions. As such EVERYONE should experience them.

Then you say:

Just don’t expect anybody that has not experienced this to understand it.

As a part of the "human" experience, everyone should go through this. So anyone who has engaged in this activity for a period of time should experience this. Unless you are referring to someone who is TOTALLY new.

Being self-employed most of my life taught me some valuable survival strategies early on. Understanding this is a repetitive cycle, not the end of the world, was one of the most valuable lessons I learned.

One of the most valuable skills that a person who has to run a business MUST have is learning when to abandon a strategy that is not working. Looking at something that you have tried, that is not working, for what it is, doesn't have to be negative. It could be part of a healthy process of reevaluation that can yield a better result.

Cycles are cycles. Each individual should examine for themselves the nature of the cycles they are experiencing and decide what the appropriate move should be to go forward. If your cycle is due to an elliptical trajectory where the path to the short side of one of the focal points defines an up, whereas the path on the long side of that focal point is a down, I would suggest that whatever it is you are doing to cause that is a "product line" that you should consider abandoning. It should not be viewed in a negative light, rather it should make you feel happy that you are intelligent enough to know when "enough is enough".

[Annie D]

I'm not going to disagree with you and tell you how "great" you look but I deal with those same thoughts and feelings everyday. Not about myself but from any one of the high school girls that I coach daily. Self doubt and setting the standard at such a high level causes an immense amount of anxiety and fear with them and recognizing that one cannot be at their best 100% of the time is the key to overcoming the doubts that you have. Kimberly, you have set a standard for all of us; you have been someone each of us would love to become. Whether you want to admit it, deep down you know what your adventures, your pictorial show of what you wear, where you go and your complete ability to blend in and be accepted is an inspiration to us all. When you look in the mirror and don't see the mental picture and standard you have set for yourself, you become completely disillusioned with what you are trying to accomplish. My advice is simple, the same that I tell all my girls: Set your standards high, shoot for high goals, be demanding of yourself, but understand that no one except for your mother will be more critical of your appearance, your behavior and your own performance than yourself. Be comfortable with who you are at the present time. We can't relive the past but learn from it. Be the best you can be today and have confidence that you are the best and be content with yourself.

[Jilmac]

OMG Kimberly! Sounds like a classic case of PMS and if that's the case, you're more of a girl than you think.

[Patricia Johnson]

Hello Kimberly, I have been following you for years and I don't have really any advice to offer. I haven't been traveling in your heels, only observing from the sidelines(but loving each and every moment) I have learned so much about myself from your experiences. I can not offer advice only give you my support. I know that what ever you're going through, and how you're handling it will enrich those who read about. It is your ability to illustrate so clearly to us that helps others, so what you're going through and how you handle it will make a difference in helping others. I am as always here reading and sending out all of the positive energy you can receive and know that I am there and thank you for just being you and a friend to us all whether you're fab or drab.

[Pythos]

Every now and then I will take a break, and just wear jeans and t-shirts for a week or so, let my facial hair grow out, and be an average bloke. For a bit I don't miss the "struggle" of squeezing into a pair of Spandex jeans, or wriggling into a pair of pantyhose without putting in a run. I don't miss the soft brush of a skirt. I never miss the feeling of a fake chest, or makeup, and would much more like having my natural hair long and dyed.

But after a while I say "to hell with this" and it is like a mini re-birth to shave, get really cleaned up and moisturized, and slipping into a pair of leggings, pantyhose, or squeezing into my favorite style jeans, and revell in the feelings of those things again, and realize I indeed missed them. Lol.

It is often very therapeutic to step away for a bit, as with all things.

[erickka]

I kinda feel like that at this time too, Kimberly. I think that the summer heat and humidity is a big factor in it. I know a lot of GG's (my S/O included) who have said "I look like Hell" when it comes to prettying themselves up in the summer. Maybe if you do let those girly batteries recharge for a while, you'll fully get your mo-jo back when it cools down a bit.

[PretzelGirl]

Kimberly, you do something that is more than most of us do when you travel pretty. It does take the right frame of mind to be able to go through and be confident with the crowds about you. I agree with those that say it is quite possibly a symptom of stress or depression. Sometimes stress manifests itself it the oddest ways so it would be no surprise if this was the cause. Is there anything going on in your life that you are "just dealing with" and maybe it is eating at you a little and you don't know it?

Taking time off is okay. A trip in drab is not a bad thing. Even if you go and then think that you wish you had dressed, that isn't really a big deal. The next opportunity is probably just next week, so if there is a little regret, the fix is right around the corner.

But the big thing may be the source. If there is something eating at your subconscious and you aren't doing anything about it and it is something you can work on, then you might want to dedicate some time to that. If it is something out of your control, then some relax time might be in order if you are pushing it on all fronts. It is just a balancing act of relaxation to offset uncontrollable stress.

Have faith!

[GirlieAmanda]

Kim you are an inspiration to me and were on my recent beach and DC trip I posted yesterday. I did have a minor incident at the end that did shake my confidence and bothered me. I have yet to go back out at home. I understand that even though you may look great, there is always someone lurking out there that will make you feel like s---. You never know when or where you will see them. Its such a thin veil between blending and not sometimes. I can totally ID and understand being overly hellbent on making yourself look as presentable as possible just to not have that one idiot out there say something. It really does play on the mind. I hope you and I can get our confidence back.

[StaceyJane]

Sometimes I feel some anxiety about going out. Then I tell myself that I'm not going to let fear control me.
Of course it is just to hot to go out wearing makeup and pantyhose right now.

[dawnmarrie1961]

Kimberly, I can say from experience that I feel the same way from time to time. It doesn't mean you lack confidence about yourself. I think i've known you long enough to make that observation about you. Perhaps there is something else that is bothering you, something you don't realize, that is trying to surface. Don't second guess yourself. Everything happens for a reason.

[Polly R]

Hi Kimberly

Always admired how you look and love reading about your adventures. Wish I looked as good as you and had your confidence so can't think why you're going through this. To be honest though, I think we all go through some crisis of confidence to a lesser or greater degree from time to time. When did you last have a vacation - have you been working yourself too hard? That's a possible... So I suggest you should take a deep breath, sit down and relax for a while. Try and get a few nights of good, quality sleep and see how it goes.

xx Polly