Did your crossdressing lead you to think that you are transexual?

[Jay Cee]

For the past year or so, I thought I was transexual. At first, I wasn't so sure. Then the feelings grew until I was certain that I was ready for hormones and maybe even surgery.

However, since my counsellor suggested I make up a list of the pros and cons of being a woman, I have really started to have doubts about being TS. Maybe I am looking at it too logically. Or, maybe I wasn't logical enough before. I have a lot to lose if I transition (like many transexuals do). I know is that the cons outnumbered the pros by a considerable margin.

Has anyone else here been in a similar situation? Did you think you were TS, when you are more of a CD'er than anything?

[SweetIonis]

I'm having difficulty understanding, if you felt so strongly that you were ready for hormones and even surgery, how just the simple task of making such a list would give you doubts.

[Badtranny]

JayCee, I love your honesty.

I think this confusion goes both ways for a lot of people. For me it was extremely confusing in the beginning. I came out as gay only to find out I wasn't gay. I grew up wishing I was a girl and I thought that made me gay, I was so naive that I thought all gay guys wanted to be girls. When I started seeing my therapist I didn't realize that I needed a letter to start HRT. (turns out I didn't because my primary doctor busted out the meds as soon as I told him) She asked me if that's why I was there and I told her no. "I'm here to find out if I'm crazy."

I basically wanted her to talk me out of it because I was sure that transition meant the end of my comfy life as I knew it. In my own words, I wasn't prepared to give up everything.

My therapist was extremely neutral on the TS issue. She seemed a lot more interested in how my "secret" had affected my life so far. She asked a lot of questions and in the end she asked the most important question of all.

How do I want people to treat me?

Transitioning is about becoming but most of all it is about being. Being the person you feel like in your heart. I enjoy being a girly girl, but I honestly only want to be treated like a feminine being. I want to be attractive but above all I just don't want to be seen as a man. I don't care if people know I WAS a man, I just don't want them to treat me like I AM a man.

[Adriennegrl]

Before I found this forum I thought if you wore women's clothing you were a CD, plain and simple. Now that I've found this and other places, I know it's much deeper than that. I'm re-evaluating my place in this spectrum too.

Sure, I have CD since childhood, but I'm realizing it goes much deeper. It's more than clothes for me.

I too am going to seek therapy. I'd say stay your course and work through your doubts w/ your counselor.

[VioletJourney]

Only for a little while. My perspective on gender kinda conflicts with transexuality though.

[Pythos]

I think VioletJourney and I are on partially the same wavelength. I have at one time for a very short time though perhaps transistioning was the right thing. Then I realized the only reason that I would want to transition was so I could wear styles that I like, and look how I like, and fit at least partially in societies norms.

Then I realized societies norms at the moment are really skewed. LOL.

I would not be transitioning for me, I would be transitioning due to the notion that any male that likes feminine things MUST be transsexual, which I have found to not be true. I have never thought that I was gay, particuallarly after I did give at least kissing a guy a try....it just was not the same as a girl for me.

I just find myself fighting against notions that are reinforced by the media when it comes to crossdressers or even androgynous feminine men.

[Ashley Allison]

The more time that passes the more I feel that I am TS. I don't have any plans to do anything about it right now, but the feeling is growing stronger all the time.

As far back as I can remember, I've wanted to be a girl. Puberty was a very traumatic time for me. The changes that happened to my body were unwanted to say the least. Luckly, I'm not extraordinarily tall. I don't have much body hair. If there were no repercussions, I would go full time out in public.

The thought of growing old as a man honestly really scares me. I'm kind of in a conundrum.

[Wendy_Marie]

I feel that sometimes therapy/therapist create more confusion inside us than they help. Personally I see tactics like the creation of your lists, word association etc...as smoke and mirror tactics designed more to create the illusion that Therpaist are actually doing something mystical...when in fact all a therapist really is, is a guide with a little knowledge to help lead us to Self-actualization....Not really anything that any one of us couldn't do ourselves with a little research and contemplation...

But hey, I am a hypocritical non-believer who attends therapy weekly and fights my therapist at every turn.

[Jenniferx1]

I have thought about this myself, however although I totally love dressing as a woman. I know that I would not want to go down the surgical route and become a transexual. I truly admire any person who goes through the full change. It really takes a lot of courage. I just like my life as it is, I have two different persona`s, which gives me two total mind spaces. It feels like a total mind flush when I change from Male to Female. I guess there is a lot of trial and tribulation needed to take that journey.

[RylieCD]

Jay Cee,
I have felt that I was a transexual, and wanted surgery, call it being in the fog or confussed on who I am, but as I figured it is was OK to CD and that transitioning would change parts of my life that I was not willing to change I accepted my place on the TS Spectrum. Sure there ar still times I wonder what it would be like but the mental pro/con list kicks in and I realise i love where I am in life and dont want to change it.

[StephanieC]

I still have troubles with labels. Lately, I feel it's more a case of "skins". I'm really the same way all the time....it's just sometimes I have one type of "skin" and other times another. Does that make any sense? As such, I'm not sure what label applies.

-stephani

[Samantha_Smile]

When I was growing up we weren't well off. My family didn't even get internet untill 2001/2002 and I'd been dressing since 1996/97 and there was a good 5 years of real confusion.
TV and bits from general interest magazines were all I got to see or read on the subject, and they generally weren't positive if they were about cross dressers, and if they were positive, they were about transexuals.
One of the magazines I read really ruined my head, the TS lady was talking about her youth and how she would sneak around wearing mum's clothes- Which is what I was doing, and being so young and naive, I thought the only logical progression was that I was going to end up taking hormones and getting surgery despite being very comfy in my own body. To this day I still am.
But within a month of getting online, and having a wider range of material to read, the confusion had alleviated a good 75% or so, and I felt better.

I think confusion is natural if you can't make a properly informed decission.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Short answer..yes..

you have time jaycee...and i believe the answer will become apparent to you over that time...

my bugaboo was that i felt sexual pleasure around crossdressing...i convinced myself that i had a fetish , and i set out to enjoy my dressing... i was told by a therapist that "NO WAY" was it even possible for a ts to feel this...what a relief i thought to myself!!
i share this detail because so many people i know lived the same scenario..
looking back , i am still amazed at how my thought process was so carefully constructed to protect me from the feeling that i need to transition..how i boxed in my transsexual thoughts so i could be a successful male

Transition is tedious, brutal, expensive, scary..the CONS outnumber the PROS significantly...there are no rules, no magic.. you can end up in all kinds of life difficulties...
because of this many people don't transition until they are overwhelmed with miserable thoughts..its often a last resort..and the one PRO that you get to feel whole as a person outshines 100 CONS..

so frankly you are smart to question, being logical is a blessing, you are smart to take your time, and your honesty and openness will serve you well as you figure all this out...

[SweetIonis]

my bugaboo was that i felt sexual pleasure around crossdressing...i convinced myself that i had a fetish , and i set out to enjoy my dressing... i was told by a therapist that "NO WAY" was it even possible for a ts to feel this...what a relief i thought to myself!!
i share this detail because so many people i know lived the same scenario..

Kaitlyn,

Please don't take any offense to what I am going to ask. I'm really just trying to understand what you said here. So the therapist told you that it was impossible for a TS to feel sexual pleasure from crossdressing, or that it was impossible for it to be a fetish for a TS?

[TGMarla]

I love wearing dresses and presenting myself as a woman. I love it so much, in fact, that for many years I absolutely longed to be a woman just so I could rid myself of the gender confusion, and wear these things without the social ramifications. But after long thought and inner debate, I have arrived at the conclusion that I will not transition. I don't believe I'm transexual. I'd have like to have been a woman instead, but I will not seek a surgical route to make that happen. There is much more to being a woman that simply flitting around in dresses and high heels. While that may be enjoyable, I probably like wearing this stuff a lot more as a man than I would if I transitioned and lived my life as a woman. As a crossdresser, womanhood for me IS all dresses and high heels. That would change if I transitioned. And simply put, an overwhelming desire to wear these clothes and present as a woman isn't enough reason to go through all the hardship that transition and surgery would bring with it. Many transexuals describe how their sexual desire changed as they transitioned. They had much less desire to get all dressed up. For them it was much more a sense of bringing their physical self to match what they felt they were on the inside. And for me, while I may have some very feminine tendencies in my soul, I don't feel that my feminine being necessarily outweighs my male being. I have aspects of both, but my reward for transition would not be enough to put myself, my family, and my friends and loved ones though the upheaval of transition.

So you go ahead and make your lists. Do whatever you have to to sort this all out in your head. You should be 100% sure of what you want to do here before you make any rash decisions. Transition might be exactly what you need, but until you're sure, it's not something you should pursue.

Here is a link to some stories where it didn't pan out for the patients:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Warning.html

There are a lot of online resources for those considering transition. I suggest you do some heavy reading.

[Jay Cee]

Thank you all, for some great responses, and for getting me to think about this even more. It is a very important decision, and one that I cannot take lightly.

To give a very brief summary, I have crossdressed on and off since I was a teen. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself. I finally came out to my SO last year, and she has been highly supportive. It was then that I admitted to myself, and to her, that I would like to see what life was like as a woman. Not that their life is necessarily any better, but it is different.

As I explored my feelings, and been more open about dressing, I began to think that I was TS. It only made sense to me - if I want to appear as a woman, I must want to be a woman. I feel like a woman, when I let my thoughts drift that way. But with the reality check that my counsellor gave me, I begin to wonder. And like some have mentioned, maybe the transition road is a route to travel when all else has failed. So, in the meantime, I will continue to attend therapy. I will continue my electrolysis. I will go for a GID assessment in a few months. I'll continue to dress in woman's clothing (which is pretty tame these days), and I will push my boundaries a little more every day.

And, most importantly, I will do my best to stop feeling ashamed of my feminine side. Self acceptance is sooooo important - I cannot stress that enough.

Thank you all very much, again.

[Jorja]

For me, no, crossdressing had nothing really to do with my knowing I was TS. From as young as I can remember or at least knew the difference between male and female, I knew a serious mistake had been made. I was definately in the wrong body but nobody would listen. I guess I was around 8 maybe 9 when I found out that I really could do something about my body. I stood up at the dinner table one evening and announced to everyone that one day, as soon as I could, I would become a girl. Needless to say that caused quite a stir. It took another 13 years before my day came and I never looked back.

[Inna]

I honestly believe in feeling and not so much thinking. If you evaluate any situation within the thought process you shall come up with the logical assumption based on all the learned conditioning. What I mean is that you will arrive with an answer based on external stimuli, basically, what society and your peers want you to be.

Now, if you search for the feeling within your heart, and such doesn't take long or does not involve the all mighty brain capable only of the thought process, you shall be presented with the unobstructed picture of you, who you are within, who YOU are despite of what They want you to be.

Every time I had doubts, and believe me, those came often as a necessary part of transition, I listened to my heart, and with such guidance I had achieved things I would never allow my self to think possible yet they became as real as real gets.

Everything is possible, Everything! but you must feel in your heart the oath of truth.

Whenever I have doubt, I remember my life as HE and the doubt dissolves into vaporous act of pretense I so used to live by, But Not anymore

[Badtranny]

Not that their life is necessarily any better, but it is different. :

JayCee, this is very interesting. Why do you say this?

For as long as I can remember I've thought that girls had a BETTER life. Even today, as a very fem guy in transition, my life is unquestionably better. (no more acting, lots more shopping)

Every TS girl on this board (except those that just want to argue with me) will agree that their life is better now. It is better to be a woman than a man. Sexism? I don't care, it's a small price to pay to stop pretending.

Alexia is absolutely right. Follow your feelings. Your heart cares not about what's easy, only about what's true.

[Stephanie47]

I grew up in an age when there were straight horny guys and "faggots." The term gay had not been co-opted by homosexuals and Al Gore had not invented the Internet yet. The Kinsey Report was kept behind the librarians' desk. Playboy had pictures less sexy than the Victoria Secret ad that hits my mailbox. Harriet Nelson and June Cleaver were pictures of femininity. I started experimenting with my mother's slips. At that time there was no sexual component to trying on 'just a slip.' As I grew older life became more complicated. How could a horny teenage boy like dressing up? Total confusion. Cross-dressing had not been invented yet???? Was I a 'faggot?' I certainly had no desire to be a girl. I certainly have no desire ever to be a woman. It took decades to become comfortable with who I am- a guy who likes to wear feminine clothing. And I do not mean feminine cut jeans. I means dresses and full slips and all the foundation garments.

I believe many younger cross-dressers are where I was in the beginning. How can this be? How can a "manly guy" like being en femme. I am not a woman trapped in a male body. Sometimes I just have a need to not be a man. For me it is a stress reliever. It washes away the man in me for awhile.

Have I ever thought it would be great to be a woman? No, but, if I were a woman it would be OK. Having been married for forty years, I've seen many intelligent women wasted in the kitchen, doing laundry, wiping butts, being trophy wives, etc. Being raised without a penis in the 1950's and 1960's was no great shake, if you wanted to be someone other than a serf or kept woman.

Before cutting off your genitals, one needs to realize who their inner self is. If you're truly a woman trapped in a man's body, lop it off. If you are a man enjoying your feminine side on occasion, buy a dress on occasion. I enjoy both sides of my inner self. It may be confusing to others, but, it's no longer confusing to me. Peace, peace at last!

[suchacutie]

The problem for me is that I want both. I really like both of my gendered selves! Just writing that sounds a bit insane, but that's just the way it is. If I were able to change any of my physical attributes, it would be done in order to facilitate the smooth transition from one gender to the other. Whichever gender I'm in, I really enjoy it! Does this "bi-genderedness" take a lot of time and effort and resources...sure does. Am I sometimes just overwhelmed with it...sure am. Can I stop? No.

Life goes on!

[CynthiaD]

Short answer: yes. For a time it also made me think I was gay. While I have the utmost respect for both of these groups I'm not part of them. However, I do see myself as a female with male body parts. Over the years I learned how to be male, but the male mode still does not come naturally to me. I don't consider the mismatch between my gender and my body parts to be a mistake. To me it's just a fact of life, neither good nor bad. I feel extremely lucky to be a woman, and I really couldn't imagine being anything else. But there are definite advantages to being perceived as male. There's far less sexual harassment, it's easier to be perceived as an authority figure, and I've fathered four children. How many women can say that?

CK

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Kaitlyn,

Please don't take any offense to what I am going to ask. I'm really just trying to understand what you said here. So the therapist told you that it was impossible for a TS to feel sexual pleasure from crossdressing, or that it was impossible for it to be a fetish for a TS?

no offense at all..

my ONLY relief from the 24/7 feeling that i was a wrong person was to masturbate... of course, we all know how that turns out ...
to this therapist, who learned everything she knew about gender issues from me and one conversation with another therapist, this meant that everything i was thinking was just a logical outcrop of a fetish....i am sure it is possible that people have a fetish of changing into lots of things , furries?, and of course women... i can't say what the therapist thought outside of her assertion which was simply since i felt this sexual feeling, then i was not transsexual...frankly i doubt she knew a thing about ts people...

in my case, it was horrible advice, because in the short term i felt very relieved, i stopped seeing the therapist and i figured i'd just deal with it..but over time, this started to feel like a death sentence..i knew deep inside the truth, but i would not admit it, and i had a naive trust that this therapist had "diagnosed" me, and that was that...how could this be? i thought.. i felt trapped and dead...this all happened over a period of years..looking back, this diagnosis harmed me for many years... when i sought help 5 years ago, the first thing my therapist did was put me into contact with some women that had transitioned... and we shared life stories, and i saw how glad they were they had taken the step, they told me lots of things i didn't know and i used those folks as mentors to help me figure things out..

this is why jaycee's post seems poignant to me.. unless you have gone through it, it is very hard to put in words how terrible the feeling of being trapped can be..if you don't have this feeling, it can be very hard to stare at the mountain of CONS and still transition...if you do have this feeling...a million mountains of CONS will not deter you...

[TGMarla]

You see? For some this is the right answer, and it's good that they found this answer. For others, it's fortunate that they find that it is not the right answer. Arriving at what answer is best for you is what is absolutely necessary.

[Princess Chantal]

Actually the progression of my crossdressing led me away from the gender questioning that I briefly had when I first dipped my toes in the local transgender community and transgender based social networks.