Frustrated and discouraged

[Laurie A]

I had the day off on Friday, so I decided to experiment a little with fully dressing with the goal of creating a look that I would feel comfortable going out the front door with. After hours of trying on different clothing combinations and makeup, I concluded that I really don't have the slightest clue as to what I'm doing! My physic is broad shoulders and narrow hips, my face is narrow with prominent nose and chin. I just look pathetic.

When I see the pictures posted on this board, I am amazed. I feel like such an amateur! Maybe it's easier to pull off a great look based on what you are starting with? Now I am wondering if I need to acquire all of the accoutrements, padding for my hips, a waist cincher, corset, breast forms, wig, proper makeup... ugh it just makes my head spin! How does one get started?

Sorry, I just had to vent. Does anyone else feel this way?

[Jennifer529]

Don't be discouraged!
Vent away,we all must from time to time.
Personally I think a lot of feeling good/looking good is attitude.
Accoutrements will come all in good time,i'm still in need of things also.

[Renee W]

I think as you add more and more of the extras, you'll find that your appearance improves and the frustration goes away. When I ws still just dressing in lingerie and nighties, and all I'd see in the mirror was myself in ladies clothes. Since I've added a wig, I see a different person, someone who should be wearing a nightie. I too have broad shoulders. Getting the right look entails wearing the right clothes that either accentuate, hide or draw attention away from your desireable and less desireable features. For me, I love wearing sleeveless nighties, more freedom, but they make my shoulders look wider. Now if I put on something with sleeves, then my shoulders do not stand out.

[Joanna41]

Start out looking through some fashion magazines. Find your own style. Figure out what you need to get there and if you can gather the courage...head to the nearest Ulta or Mac store and get professional advice on how to smooth out your facial features. They will go out of there way to help you. Wider hips will draw eyes away from broad shoulders and a waist cincher will give a more hour glass shape...keep experimenting...its never ending.

Joanna

[Laurie A]

Start out looking through some fashion magazines. Find your own style. Figure out what you need to get there and if you can gather the courage...head to the nearest Ulta or Mac store and get professional advice on how to smooth out your facial features. They will go out of there way to help you. Wider hips will draw eyes away from broad shoulders and a waist cincher will give a more hour glass shape...keep experimenting...its never ending.

Joanna

Thanks for the advice. I would be too nervous to walk in to a cosmetics store and ask for advice... maybe someday....

I'll try again, maybe I can learn to enjoy the process, rather than focus on the result.

Dela <3

[kimdl93]

a little padding helps, of course. Beyond that, its practice practice practice. and in the end, learn to accept these three important things. 1) you're liable to be your own worst critic, 2) learn to accept those featurs that just cant be entirely disguised, and 3) other people will mostly ignore you and those who don't will generally be tolerant, accepting and encouraging to varying degrees.

[Cindy M]

I totally agree with Kim. Work with what you have.

[marlaNYC]

oh i know how you felt too well. far too well. but don't give up. to my way of thinking, before any of the add ons, once you get that feeling, that confidence in your mind, then it all starts to fall together. and Kim is so right - practice and practice and practice. everything. hair, makeup, walking, standing, sitting...but start with believing in yourself. you'll be able to move mountains

[Kathi Lake]

Dela, calm down, girl!

It does take time. Like you, I have broad shoulders and no hips. I have a narrow face with prominent chin and nose. We have to play with the hand we are dealt, but with some time and experience, it all works out. First, you have to recognize - just like any other woman - that you aren't going to look like the perfect, airbrushed models on the cover of a magazine. You have to find what works for you, and go with it.

As for the nervousness, get over it. You are doing nothing wrong, and the women in an Ulta or a Sephora or a MAC would be not only willing to help you - they will love it! As they've described it, they went through all this schooling, and they are just not challenged with the gorgeous twentysomethings that usually walk in there. When one of us walks in, they think, "Oh goody! This is gonna be fun!" And you know what? It is.

Kathi

[Sally24]

Start out slow. Many of us have been doing this for 5 or 10 years or longer. You don't get the skills overnight! Find something you enjoy, be it makeup, playing with hairstyles, walking like a lady, or maybe you're interested in breasts. Concentrate on that one thing for awhile and read all you can here and other places on the Internet. There is loads of info out there to give you a head start. Don't stress out, have fun with it. Eventually you will gain skills in one thing and you can start practicing something else.

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

I agree with Kathi, calm down. The fun part is creating your female self with make-up, clothes and mannerisms. One thing to remember with clothes is the patterns on an item helps to mask or enhance various parts of the body. Horizontal stripes create an illusion of width hence use on skirts, also use flaired skirts to create an illusion of hips. Try cowl neck cardigans or dresses with dropped necklaces to take the eye away from the shoulders. Wear sleeves, maybe loose tops, anything that takes the eye away from the shoulders. Wigs of varying styles can minimize necks, and voila I read that if one has short legs, high heels with nude colour creates an illusion of longer legs.
Don't get too frustrated, learning is the fun because we are all still learning and I love trying things. There is always an excuse to be used in buying items. My best is the wife is working late now days and I have to get some items for her to wear.
Take care. Good advice is to look at female marathon or sprint runners or female athletes in general and search for social snaps, they have trained hard and yet they still look glamouress when they go out.

[Cheryl T]

Please keep in mind that many of us have been doing this for decades (did I really admit to that?).
My first time with makeup I think I would have been disrespected by the hookers...no offense meant.

As for the physique...you need to offset the shoulders with hip and butt padding so that you have a balanced figure.
With makeup...look at youtube for videos on application, or find someone who does cd makeovers (there are many).

Rome wasn't built in a day and we gals aren't starlets the first time we don a dress...practice and time are what's needed.

[Andy1087]

Dela I have to admit I have been feeling the same as you the past couple of days. When see how good so many other's here look I feel so inadequate by comparison.


Andy

[kristinacd55]

Just keep working on it, practice makes the perfect girl! One day you'll go omg, I look like a woman!

[Jennifer529]

Just keep working on it, practice makes the perfect girl! One day you'll go omg, I look like a woman!

Agreed,practice,have fun,enjoy it!

[Debglam]

Hi Dela!

Don't feel bad! Practice is half the fun! Get a makeup kit, online if you don't want to go into a store, and then go to YouTube. They have tons of how-to videos and just try to follow them, wipe it all off and start again!

I've only been here about a year and the women on this forum and the ones that I have met in real life, GG & TG, really want to help. Read the posts, ask questions, and even PM if you are shy about asking a question in a post.

Debby

[Eryn]

Dela, I know how you feel. I didn't think that I could do it because nothing would make me 5'8" with nice curvy hips, etc. I'm too tall, too straight, too wide shouldered, etc.

Then I started looking at the GGs around me. Guess what, some of them aren't exactly model material either! Too tall, too straight, too wide, etc. Every time I see a woman who has one or more of my "features" I want to go up to her and thank her for giving this CDer the opportunity to do what she's always wanted!

[Tasha McIntyre]

You know what Dela, I thought exactly the same a couple of years ago. I was frustrated coz I was crap at putting on make up, and my athletic upper body just didn't look right in a dress.

What did I do? I read heaps on here, and asked questions. I summoned the courage to ask for help in the shops (always received enormous assistance with a smile). I bought boobs, a waist cincher and hip padding, all which made an incredible difference. I practised constantly with make up, and tried different clothing and wig styles until I came up with a look that worked for me, then posted pics here (some good and some horrid) and asked for opinions.

I also agree with Kim, and Kathi....good responses.

Most of all though, have fun and enjoy the process.

Tash

[Laurie A]

My SO wore a ballerina costume last night to hand out candy to the Trick or Treaters. She asked where my costume was, so I took the opportunity to ask her if she would help me find a wig and some shoes. She said yes, as long as she can use my credit card!

I want to try accomplish this (mostly) on my own. Since the results thus far have been less than successful, I'm a little too shy to share it right now, even with her. Thanks, everyone, for all the suggestions. I have to decide what's next... I'm thinking hip padding?

[StaceyJane]

I would put hip padding low on the list. First you should work on the obvious like putting togther one good outfit with accessories and build from there. Work on the makeup either with your wife, other crossdressers or if you feel really brave the makeup counter at a department store.
Don't forget to get a pair of shoes based solely on how cute they are not comfort or practicality.
Also a good wig can go a long way, it helps if it matches your natural hair color.

[Sally24]

A good wig can go a long way, it helps if it matches your natural hair color.

I'd have to agree with that. The first picture of me that looked "pretty" was the first time out with a new, more expensive wig. It can make all the difference. Don't be afraid to walk into a wig store. I figure we must account for at least 25% of their sales.

[EllieOPKS]

Dela I can relate to your frustrations. I was thinking of making my tag line for my profile "I never new how masculine I looked until I tried to look feminine. " My solution right now is to stay away from mirrors . But it's fun trying to improve.

[TGMarla]

Now I am wondering if I need to acquire all of the accoutrements, padding for my hips, a waist cincher, corset, breast forms, wig, proper makeup...

It sure couldn't hurt! But really, you're being too hard on yourself. Not every woman who ventures out her front door stops traffic when she walks down the street. Are you sure you're not just worried that the neighbors will take one look at you and know it's you in drag, and not just some woman who happened to be at your house? I know I worry about this. I'm just wondering.

[Kate Simmons]

Genetic girls don't become women overnight Hon, it takes years. Neither do we. It takes time, patience, experimentation, imagination and ingenuity. The first rocket didn't work and after how many unsuccessful tries did they get one to finally work? I dunno, sometimes I think it's we, ourselves, that could be the major stumbling block to success as we tend to overthink it. Just imagine you are a natural genetic girl and go from there.

[Andy1087]

I was thinking about it at work today and one of the reasons I want to lose my 100+ excess pounds is if I were to try and dress I would hopefully look better as a thin person. On the other hand I have been struggling with being obese for many years and all I seem to do is get fatter, so I don't expect at least two of my life wishes to be realized.

Andy