Going Though Denail

[Suzy Parker]

Hi Everyone

I am back from a little trip through denial, not The Nile. I completely shut down one of the better things in my life that I truly enjoy. I seem to do this from time to time and am just thankful that purging never happens during my insanity.

For me when in denial it is sort of like being on a bad diet. I do it for a while then fall off of the wagon hard. Every time after denial the desire seems greater than ever and I usually wind up shopping like a woman at a super sidewalk clearance sale, watch out!

Any of you have times were you hang up the dress and lock the closet and tell yourself no more only to return and be more hooked than ever?

I will have to say I have done this many times but they happen less frequently now and take less time to get over.

It feels good to be back, I missed all of you.

Suzy 2

[Marcia Blue]

Suzy, glad to see you again. I hope all is well with you? Hope to hear more from you.

[Cynthia Anne]

Suzy I dare you! Get over the denial and accept who you are! Stay here with us where you are loved! Hugs!

[silkeze]

I have purged many times,now I'm at a point in my life where I say I am who I am never to purge again. I still haven't ventured out into public,just wear hose under my shorts with a pair of fishermans sandles. Also my wife is not very supportive, so I trudge on dealing with the hand I was dealt, but love every minute I get a chance to go out!

[erickka]

Hi Suzy and welcome back. I have done the same thing several times over the years, but I never purged. It used to be cyclical for me, those periods of denial vs. dressing, and over the last several years I have come to accept myself for who and what I am. It has been 3 years now that I have not put Erickka away. She is me, and I am her, and we're both here to stay in perfect harmony with one another. Any how, hope to see and hear from you much more...and soon!

Hugs, Erickka.

[Shari]

I just got my mind right again and Shari returned from a recent purge.
I miss some of my old things, but shopping for new items is sooooooooo exciting.
And yes, welcome back to our little world.

[jillleanne]

Not denial persay, but there are times(rare) that I do go into periods that I just cannot bring myself to all the work necessary to be totally femme if you will. I'll want to be enfemme mentally, but physically am not willing to prep and prim. For example, I'll want to change the color of my toes but simply refuse to take off the old polish and apply new polish. The polish on my fingers will be chipping and I'll refuse to fix it. Worst of all, that picky stuff will show up in places no hair should be allowed to grow and it drives me crazy seeing/feeling it but I'll just ignore it until another day. Overall, it''s like the male in me is winning the battle of the sexes at that moment and I hate it.

[Tina B.]

Suzy, I did that for years, and looking back, I can't believe how long I could stay out of that closet, but like you said, it just keeps coming back stronger and stronger. so I gave up giving up. Acceptance of one self is just so much easier, but there are times I still shop like it was a sidewalk sale, I might not buy anything for a long time, and then wham, I get in a mood, and will go out and spend a bundle, but I still tell the wife, it's cheaper than golf.
Tina B.

[meri]

Suzy,
Enjoy your time off, you have worked hard and deserve a breather. If you have learned everything you need to learn about yourself, then you won't be back. However, if there is more to learn, we will see you again!

[kimdl93]

Glad you're back Suzy. To answer your question, there have been times when I thought about purging and trying to give up my dressing habit. That hasn't happened in a long time, but who knows? it seems many of us go through similar cycles.

[suzy1]

I will be blunt with you Suzy [I still have not forgiven you completely for stealing my name]
You have been a silly girl, yes you have!

Your friend Suzy [the real one]

[Suzy Parker]

Thank you everyone. I am here to stay for a while. If I start to get in that funk again I will have to have you talk me out of it. Its not a nice place to visit. But one plus is the shopping rebound, that I enjoy.

Suzy 2 is a shopaholic.

Thank You

Suzy 2 The Silly One

[Claire Cook]

Suzy,

I'll bet all, if not most, of us have gone through this. Over the years I've done my share of purging (What I remember of the stuff I had, I wouldn't have worn in public anyway!) but I finally said, "Heck girl -- accept who you are" and haven't looked back. A favorite quote from Lacey Leigh's book (Out and About): "Stop dressing? Just try and make me!"

[suchacutie]

Suzy, it's not just denial that can get in the way of living out our femme selves. Life has a habit of throwing us curve balls that need to be addressed, and sometimes that needs our male selves for whatever reason.

Whatever the reason, I would urge you to view coming off the "downtime" as a time for reflection and renewal. It's the concept of a sabbatical Now that you've been on a sabbatical, what has changed in your view of your femme self? How has it helped?

Make lemonade from those lemons!

tina

[docrobbysherry]

I hope u found your river cruise relaxing, Suzy?

Personally, as Karren mite say, I'm in denial about CD denial!

[Marleena]

Suzy I'm new here (ignore my post count.lol). I'm an older lady, and have been through all of this too. I just recently decided I'm going to be me, and not feel ashamed or fight it. It is a harmless thing that we enjoy. We all have to hide it to some degree , but that's a given. My wife has been understanding, and that helps. You have lots of friends here that can help when you struggle with this.

[Nicola]

I remember making excuses to myself about my activities - yes, I was in denial.
A pair of tights worn underneath - for warmth

A leotard over the tights - to hold them up

A "manbag" - to carry those useful odds and ends

A skirt............... - Houston we've had a problem !

Whilst all the "excuses" retain an element of truth, I had to finally admit to myself, yes, I am a crossdresser.

And why not, we only get one life and so we have to make the best of it.

Nicola

[jarts55]

Suzy, the more you fight her the stronger she becomesand the more you become her. She is you and you are her. Accept that fact, life will be easier for you.