Trying not to lie to my children

[JamieG]

So yesterday, my six year old daughter asked if she could see me in my tux sometime. I said sure, and then she asked if I would wear it to Thanksgiving dinner. I replied, "No I wouldn't dress up that much for Thanksgiving." Then somehow, she made the jump to asking about some wigs she had found earlier this year. "Will you wear one of the wigs?" I laughed and said no. Then she asked, "Did you ever wear them on a date with Mommy?" "No, I never wore them on a date." (which is true). Then, "Have you ever worn them?" I stopped and considered my words carefully. I didn't want to lie her. "Umm, yes as part of a costume." "Really? I bet you looked funny! I want to see you in it sometime" I just chuckled and we moved on to talking about something else.

Today, I noticed she had pulled out two of the wigs and had them lying around the house while our company was here. Fortunately, the company is only my sister-in-law and her brother, and so nothing was ever said about the wigs. However, my daughter is getting more and more curious. It's looking like I'm going to have to tell her something sooner or later.

Jamie

p.s. I hope my fellow Americans had a Happy Thanksgiving! And that the rest of you had a pleasant Thursday.

[ReineD]

I agree, I think it's time to say something to her. Is your wife on board with this? If you both are of the same mind, it will make it a lot easier on your daughter.

Happy Thanksgiving to you too!

[TommyII]

Careful with this one. Kids aren't asking things at an adult level. Have the talk with the wife and answer questions at a higher, simple level. Make sure the adults are on the same page as kids will play the two of you. Good luck! and BTW you are still gorgeous.

[Cynthia Anne]

I agree with Reine! Proberly time to have a talk with her! Hugs!

[Jilmac]

Sometimes Kids can be a lot more accepting than spouses or relatives. If you decide to tell your daughter, break it to her gently perhaps with a picture or something of that nature.

[Rachel Flowers]

Children understand it's fun to dress up at a level grownups seem to forget except at parties. My daughter put a wig - a really awful shaggy black one, I own none - on my a few months ago and we took phone pics of each other in it. Kids get it - clothes are fun.

But if there's a mum on the scene, she needs checking with.

The other factor is that 6 year olds as well as not seeing a problem with the dressing won't see a problem with telling everyone either...

[SallyS]

I think my 17 year old daughter probably already knows?

I lot of my female clothes hang in the same wardrobe as my wife's stuff. My daughter often goes into it and 'borrows' things, like make-up, hairspray etc. She MUST have noticed my 'stuff' and wondered why her mum never wore it?

She has gay friends so I guess she's already pretty open minded! If she asks then I won't deny it.

My other 3 younger children are probably blissfully unaware for now. None of then have noticed my hair free legs!

[noeleena]

Hi,

For my self its was about our grandaughter she has grown up with Jos & i from her birth. & stayed with us well lived with us. so no ? 's were asked in the day time in those days i still did my building work just normal shorts shirts overalls when needed. boots & sun hat.
& at the end of the day i showered & changed clothes, skirt tops shoes & just my normal womens clothes , she did not need to ask about the difference in clothes, same about surgerys . nothing was hidden , so no problems all of our grandkids 9 of all know & accepted as nothing is different , no matter what i wear.

oh wigs same again & yes she used to wear them as well. even have pics of her with them on .
i was not going to hide my self even tho there were some changes going on as i said she has grown up with us shes now .....heck...... coming up 9 thats Dejarn. as many will know her name. Dejarnimir.

As for our kids .....well 33 35 36 , .accept im a I S woman.

...noeleena...

[JamieG]

I agree, I think it's time to say something to her. Is your wife on board with this? If you both are of the same mind, it will make it a lot easier on your daughter.

We haven't had a chance to talk about it, yet. A few years back, we agreed we wouldn't tell the kids. However, she's been more likely to drop little hints around them than I do. I've been wanting to tell her about what happened, and to ask if she's said anything to Alison about the wigs, but we haven't had a moment alone in the last few days.

Careful with this one. Kids aren't asking things at an adult level. Have the talk with the wife and answer questions at a higher, simple level. Make sure the adults are on the same page as kids will play the two of you. Good luck! and BTW you are still gorgeous.

I know. That's why I've been intentionally vague in the past. If/when I do tell, it will probably be about a Halloween party and charity drag show we've been a part of. I think explaining about CDing will come much later, if ever.

Children understand it's fun to dress up at a level grownups seem to forget except at parties. My daughter put a wig - a really awful shaggy black one, I own none - on my a few months ago and we took phone pics of each other in it. Kids get it - clothes are fun.

But if there's a mum on the scene, she needs checking with.

The other factor is that 6 year olds as well as not seeing a problem with the dressing won't see a problem with telling everyone either...

I know. I'm more concerned with that than freaking her out. I don't want her friends or their parents to treat her differently because I'm a little unusual.

[giuseppina]

Hello Jamie

I'm afraid the jig is up with your daughter. She knows something is going on, and from what you've posted, she isn't likely to let go of this until she gets some answers. It's better you say something to her at her own level of understanding than staying silent, as that may give her unhealthy ideas. It won't be very long before she learns how to use internet search engines to find information on the web.

... I don't want her friends or their parents to treat her differently because I'm a little unusual.

Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to stop this from happening once information slips out.

I don't know how to say this without sounding cold and insensitive (not my objective), but maybe part of your discussion with your daughter should include a sanitised version of the hate and intolerance shown to those who don't fit the definition of 'normal' as a reason to keep this part of you under wraps for her own safety. I wish this wasn't necessary in today's world.

[Makina]

I don't want her friends or their parents to treat her differently because I'm a little unusual.

I'm worried with this too. I have a 4 years old daughter who knows about my crossdressing (my wife and I decided we could manage this better telling than hiding), and I told her usually men don't wear women's clothes, but sometimes I like to dress in women's clothes and doing as if I was a woman. I didn't ask her to not talk about it.

Last month we visited my brother who knows about my crossdressing but acts as is he doesn't know. Talking about "pink is girly", my brother told my daughter it was not normal for men to dress like women. She didn't react and stood cool. I was here, and felt relieved. It seems like she makes difference between normal/usual men and her father, who by the way is more in drab than in drag.

But maybe someday one friend of her will know about it. I hope my daughter will not take my crossdressing as a personnal war to defend her daddy. I hope there will not be parents of her best friends with excessive reactions. If it happens, my wife and me will try to explain things, make compromises (promise not to crossdress when her friends will be home for example).

People who are really important for me know about my crossdressing, including parents of the best girl friend of my daughter (our friends too). Even if some people react bad, other are more tolerant. I hope my daughter will not suffer too much from the consequences of my crossdressing, as a part of my true self.

[Joanne f]

We seem to have this two tiered system where it is considered wrong to hide from your wife/SO yet it seems acceptable to hide it way from your children or at least until they are a lot older , although i can understand all the arguments for and against this i still feel is it right .