Sorry to hear about this, but congrats on being honest and upfront.Originally Posted by natalie james
If she does broadcast your secret, all you have to say is "disgruntled ex-GF". It doesn't look good on her to be doing this, either, as most people expect others to keep secrets confidential after a breakup.
Maybe you'll find someone more open-minded next time.
Totally feel your pain. I told my girlfriend before we even went out on the 1st date and she tried to accept it but ultimately she dumped me because she couldn't accept this part of my life even though she had only seen a few photos of me dressed from Halloween. She wanted a man and I tried to be that. Infact, I never wore anything fem around her but she just couldn't ignore it. Part of me wishes I had never told her but then I would have been lying to her the whole time.
Again, sorry to hear about your loss.
Shelby
How long were you dating her?
Dana Ryan
we dated a few months
Did you have any idea how she thought about CDing before telling her? If you didn't, next time you might take your GF somewhere, where she would be able to see some TG people and gauge her reaction. Even if she doesn't notice, you might say something about someone that you just saw that looked like a guy dressed as a girl. Another way would be to say you say someone at the store and see what the reaction would be.
Dana Ryan
nah, i never mentioned it... in guy mode im as masculine as the next dude, so she never could have really had a clue. as far as guageing her response goes, i was too stupid to do that. i wish they had a place in this crappy town with other CD/TS folks i could have taken her by.
i can think of one MTF TS here and we have some gay/lesbian/bisexual people but that's different. i kno she's cool with the GLB, but i guess not the T. lol
Next time you might mention an article or whatever you can think of just to bring up the subject and see the reaction. I do this with people that I encounter. I've gone dressed to have my haircut and sometimes in the conversation I'll ask, how would you feel if your husband did this. Sometimes you get some telling comments.
Dana Ryan
i wish i had the guts to go for a haircut in femme.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, Natalie.
Reine
it's all rightI'm sorry it didn't work out, Natalie.im glad i found this forum so i could vent to my gurlfriends.
Sorry for your troubles Natalie. it sure does suck getting dumped, But on the other side of the coin, the relationship could not have been all that great if a simple thing like crossdressing made things go sour. If there was true love and communication there she would have been willing to work thru this with you.
Sounds like her loss to me.
my sister's reply when I told her how I prefer to dress
"Everyone has there thing, all that matters is that you are happy, love what you do and who you do it with"
Natalie, this really sux big time, but then again it is so hard to not let people know and I don't get it... why do some people make so much fuzz about it?. Noone here would utter a word when people at my office wear a turban or kilt. Strange world!
/Johanna
It sucks but as many have said, better now than years down the road. As for her outing you it may or may not happen, depends on the girl. No use worrying about something you can't change.told my girlfriend yesterday. today she dumped me. this sucks
Trying to come to grips with this lovely thing called Crossdressing.
Thankful there is a place to ask for help.
Natalie, Sorry it came out the way it did, but it was still for the best, it's not as easy to find a girl that will accept a CD, but they are out there, I told my wife 35 years ago, and since she was good with it, it turned out to be the smartest thing I ever did, The las thirty five years has allowed me to dress pretty much as often as I wanted and having a women to shop with is a lot more fun than doing it alone. Keep trying, and keep being honest with yourself, it's worth it in the long run, even if you have to date a few extra girls to find her.
Tina B.
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
I am sorry for the breakup but as everyone else has said you will be better for it down the road. Trying to hide this part of your personality is a bad thing and only leads to lying to her and along with that is when she did find out most likely she would accuse you of unfaithfulness also. Been there done that!! NO fun. You most certainly did the right thing in being honest.
Sara
sorry to hear that, but yay for your honesty. so many times you read of the pain of secrecy and a lifetime of that is far worse than the immediate pain of the dump.
i have a different perspective on her possibly outing you, though. instead of feeling a need to defend yourself with "angry ex", it actually could put you in a position to acknowledge, embrace and accept this part of you and potentially be accepted, understood and encouraged by friends and family...might be a bridge to a new world, a new you, without having to hide away.
"Some people might suggest that I'm a closest-case Male to Female Crossdresser. I simply inform them that the doors to Narnia are open. Are you comfortable enough to take a trip through the armoire?" i like this!
If you don't mind my asking, how did it come up, and what were you doing when you told her??
Yeah, it sucks. Maybe it was inevitable, meaning that if you felt you couldn't stop CDing like so many of us (no matter how much you loved her) you would have to let her know sooner or later! Some girls can be so narrow-minded and unfortunately your ex is one too. If you can't drop the crossdressing thing, keep looking for another girl, there are some who are not negative about it, in fact you could find a girl that's willing to share your fantasies and even encourage you to dress up from time to time. Just make sure that you reveal the fact you crossdress at an early stage of the relationship. Best of luck!
I suppose that a lot of girls first thoughts, when they find out, were what is everyone going to think about me? What are my friends going to say? I think that is what my wife thought, for a while. There are a lot of reasons for people to accept, as there are a lot of reasons for people to reject it.
Dana Ryan
Fear of having others know is a pretty big issue given the general bias or ignorance out there. Hopefully, CDers will understand this since many CDs also take years before they are willing to accept their own CDing.
But something else needs mentioning here. There are many GGs who can learn enough about the CDing to understand and accept it. But I think a GG needs a pretty big motive to do so, which is her love for her husband or boyfriend. Like it or not, the CDing can carry with it a lot of baggage if the CDer gets into a space where he doesn't know if he wants to transition or not. This can be unsettling for a wife and also if there is a strong sexual element to the CDing that makes a wife feel as if she is being replaced or she is secondary.
I'm not saying everyone has these issues, just that a GG who decides to embrace the CDing needs to do it with both eyes wide open, especially if her husband/boy friend gets into a pink fog after the initial disclosure.
If the OP was only in a casual relationship for a few months, as happens in that age group, then it is conceivable that his gf didn't feel invested enough in the relationship to stay the course.
Reine
Fear is huge, for everyone.
When I first told my wife, it took a long time for her to actually be comfortable with it. She had all of the questions, are you gay, do you want to become a woman and others. It took me a long time to understand who I am and communicate it to her. I'll have her read some of the threads on here, and she'll comment that it sounds like the poster was describing me. The most important thing that I did was being totally honest with her.
I don't think that I've ever experienced the pink fog. It has been a surprise to me when I see it from others.
Probably true. That is why it might be a good to have some idea how someone feels about the subject before springing it on them. Sort of like testing the waters, before jumping in.
Thanks Reine, for your comments.
Dana Ryan
just thought it was time.
I agree ....send her a thank you card
Joann
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