Fetish CDs.....why the stigma, and near hatred?

[Gwinnie]

I must say that I get turned on by it. I love ball gowns. The bigger and fuller the better. The feeling of the cool soft fabric and the rustling sound it makes and picking up all the dress to walk around drives me wild. And then if it has puffy sleeves that is just even better. The feeling of a big soft flowing ruffle falling over my hands and fingers is amazing too. So I would definatly say that I do get a turn on from it. And on top of that, just feeling like I look beautiful is a big part too.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Pythos, I think you have answered some of your own questions.



I can't disagree that if you believe in a creator, then it's easy to believe that our senses were created as good. People of faith actually do not disagree with you in that aspect. What they will say is that because of sin what was created in perfection has been corrupted and used for less then perfect purposes.

I for one believe that people are sensual and as long as what two consenting adults do as long as it is legal is OK. I might not personaly agree with it, but I don't have the right to tell someone what to do.

Kelly

I agree completely with you Kelly. If it were not for our being sensual, there would not be a mutitude of us (humans).No one person has the right to tell someone what to do or to even judge someone. There is only one Being that can do that. We are not perfect so why do we think that we are and that other people must conform to our beliefs and morraes(spelling?) that they are to be ostricised? (Too many big words on a Sunday) You are right. As long as it does not harm anyone or is forced upon us, I think we should accept people for all their quirks. Its what make this world interesting and dynamic. The attached is for those who sit on their throne and judge people when they too are imperfect.

[JessicaM1985]

Well at this point I still identify as a fetish CD'er. I have my moments where I just enjoy looking like a girl more than I like looking like a guy and vice versa. My personality also changes to suit this. The best guess that I've ever been able to figure out is that I'm bi-gendered. But yes, I do find sexual gratification in doing it too. I find the idea of being attractive to a guy while looking like a girl to be a real turn-on. I'm completely open and honest about why I do what I do. I'm also smart in who I tell due to the fact that I don't want to ruin what are otherwise good family ties, therefore my cross-dressing is known to a small group of trusted people that will build me up in regards to it and not tear me down. This is also the first time in my 26 years of life that I've gotten semi-serious about it and as a result I'm taking baby steps and going through small milestone after milestone. So this is the reason behind why I get excited over something small and trivial like nail polish, which may be trivial to more "hardcore" CD'ers and T.S. girls. Sometimes people often forget their own beginnings and how it's not easy when you're just starting out. And I'm basically just starting out and am kinda scared and at times overwhelmed by it. That's why I came to this forum. I needed the love and support to help give me my start. If I'm a bad person for this because I 'get my jollies' to it as well, then I guess I'm a bad person. I tried for so many years to suppress this part of myself, only to realize that there IS no suppressing it. Therefore I choose now to embrace it.

I agree that if there is any negative view of fetish CD'ers, it's because that's what society paints the TG community as a whole and I can understand where that would be offensive to some people. However the real blame for that lies on the negative views of society and not those that dress as a fetish. My best advice there is to channel the anger and indignity to the correct source.

[Pythos]

I feel little stigma about fetishes though there are some I think are pretty gross. OH and living in the SF bay area does not make some things I see any less gross to me. That being said. I am not the one that finds the so called fetish dressers to be a bad thing for the whole TG community.

Since some seem to not recall or see the threads to which I am referring to, I ask you to look in the thread concerning the difference between CD and Transgendered thread in the transsesxual. There you will see an example to which I refer. (I wanted to avoid referencing a thread in a different section, but it seems some here are unaware of some of the things said about us, ON THIS VERY FORUM.)

[Lucy_Bella]

Hi Pythos,
I think I understand where you are coming from , I read the example Thread you provided. It seems that there is this un for seen Hierarchy attitude that some need to get over. It appears that some , just because they are atop the Spectrum feel a need to be gate keepers with those who fall below with in the Spectrum.

First lets define "Trans " “across,” “beyond,” “through,” “changing ...? I am pretty sure that sums it up for all of us.. Then add " Sexual " are the meanings that are attributed, by a particular cultural-social-historical context, to sexual acts and broadly to all the aspects of the erotic .. Then take away " Sexual " and add "Gender" is determined socially; it is the societal meaning assigned to male and female. Each society emphasizes particular roles that each sex should play.

Nobody paved any role to any meaning , it is human nature that assigns each and every role and how far one wishes to proceed in that role no matter what Gender or sexuality..

[Kelly DeWinter]

Pythos, there is nothing wrong with crossrefrencing another thread, I looked for what you were referncing and just those words alone were not enoght to find what you are aluding to.

[pattyv]

Ria, how I can relate to your response. Well written. Long time no hear.

[Shayla99]

Well I for one, am a fetishist, in every sense of the word, latex, shoes, boots, stockings, tights, bondage, forced femme, etc, and I could go on.... however.....
While I have experienced a little shock and perhaps misunderstanding here, for the most part, I have been treated well, and with respect, and thats the worst of it.
Most gals here treat me with kindness and admiration, and the support I get here is priceless.... 99% of the comments I recieve are flattering and kind, even when I push the boundaries like my last set of pics, I feel like the distaste is a lack of experience, with the fetish look , and community....... What I posted was fairly mild, and I thought very HOT, I was quite proud of that set, and decided to venture out here and see what people thought here!!

Thats not to say everyone gets me, cause I do not even get me all the time....

I also am amazed that some CD's do not consider themselves fetishists....... As far as my definition goes, any compulsive behavior that is powered from our sexual nature is a fetish..... there are different levels for sure.... but arousal isn't the determining factor..... For me the act of gender bending is a fetish, I rarely get aroused when I dress, but often do as I gander the results later that day!!
I find it fairly odd , that any male with heels , pantyhose and a wig, would say they are not fetishists??? Seriously..... ???
I will never accept, that sexuality, isn't behind each and every one on this forum..... we all may express it differently, but wanting to be a woman, vs wanting to dress as a woman, is still in the same arena, and these desires are not driven by your need to eat and breathe!!
Rather they are a function of sexuality, in ALL OF US, so I guess I never have seen this separation???
If anyone does think that they are a better class of TG, they need to go to the back of the line and start over, we are here for liberation, and to express OURSELVES, I could care less about most definitions anyway, the first thing I learned is, that definitions fall way short in defining me, and if you think you can label me to judge me, you are making a huge mistake, you wanna label for me..... try "SHAYLA", after that , its all guess work honey!
I am free to be ME, and in all aspects that defines me ...nothing else, and I would like to think that each person here, is a sexual snowflake,, as individual, and special, as the next, with NO 2 THE SAME!!!!!!
Shame on anyone who thinks differently, our collective drift of humanity, can not be explained with terms and words, rather only shared through experience , and community!!!

Love and kisses to all!!!!

[Crissy Kay]

A lot of very interesting and well thought comments. Another reason I enjoy spending some time here each day. As to the OP"s subject, I am for the most part, a fetish cder, as I prefer to be in french maid or a sissy outfit. IMO most "regular" cds, who dress in street type clothes, think that us fetish, or sissy cds give crossdressing a bad rep or name????? IMO what does"nt!!!!!! I do not think it will ever become "mainstream" in our lifetimes, although most of us prefer it otherwise.

[Lucy_Bella]

I agree for the most part Shayla ,

But I do see a need for labeling as a Society even in the "Trans" Society. As a individual, no we need no labels , but as a Society we do for a better understand of, one or the other. With out labels we are " bottle necked " and we have no existence and that creates nothing but confusion with a group not to mention outside of a group. Now I know many of you do not care that's fine , but if you want a better outside or inside understanding we all should.

We all do fall under the " Trans " label most of us are "Transgender" with "Tran Sexual " being a broaden meaning under the "Transgender " umbrella.. Most of us can be Transexual's within a certain criteria of meanings . Define "Sex" verses "Sexuality" Sex has two meanings ,assigned gender in a role of society or an act .. Sexuality is the preference with meanings of Straight , Gay (Lesbian ) or Bi. meaning to commit certain "Act's or attractions " outside of or within the same Gender as an act or a role ..

[JulieK1980]

Hi Pythos,
I think I understand where you are coming from , I read the example Thread you provided. It seems that there is this un for seen Hierarchy attitude that some need to get over. It appears that some , just because they are atop the Spectrum feel a need to be gate keepers with those who fall below with in the Spectrum

Their first mistake is thinking that the spectrum is upright. If we all understood that the spectrum is NOT a hierarchy at all, we would all be better off. Nothing about being transitioned makes someone better or worse than someone that does it for sexual reasons. Who a person IS matters much more, and some within the thread referenced have shown themselves to be very ugly. It has NOTHING to do with their gender, their "status" as trans, or what clothes they wear. It does have everything to do with being a nasty human being though. I am however thankful, that those that are like that, are in a significant minority, (albeit a very vocal one.) The vast majority of those that posted in that thread were not at all offensive or bashing of others, and were in fact very respectful.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Their first mistake is thinking that the spectrum is upright. If we all understood that the spectrum is NOT a hierarchy at all, we would all be better off. Nothing about being transitioned makes someone better or worse than someone that does it for sexual reasons. Who a person IS matters much more, and some within the thread referenced have shown themselves to be very ugly. It has NOTHING to do with their gender, their "status" as trans, or what clothes they wear. It does have everything to do with being a nasty human being though. I am however thankful, that those that are like that, are in a significant minority, (albeit a very vocal one.) The vast majority of those that posted in that thread were not at all offensive or bashing of others, and were in fact very respectful.

I'm still not sure what thread every one is referring to, could some ome post the link or pm me the link ?

Jody you make a valid point , a lot of what people think about others is dtermined on what type of person they are on the inside. I still remember how a personal friend of mine was an upstanding 'pillor of the community' on the outside, and was literlly revered by all, until it became know that he was a 'wife beater'. His solution, instead of getting help for his anger issues, was to pull up family lock stock and barral and move to another state and is again be a 'pillor of the community'.

[DonniDarkness]

Since some seem to not recall or see the threads to which I am referring to, I ask you to look in the thread concerning the difference between CD and Transgendered thread in the transsesxual. There you will see an example to which I refer.

I read that thread.

I think the biggest conflict that the two "ingroups" (CD vs TS) face is by trying to put a scale of difficulty on their lives based on where they are in the gender spectrum. When the truth is that both of these ingroups have unique problems of their own and it is the fault of their/our own vanity to put a degree of difficulty on either life. Each person has their own path, they are all unique, but that does not give anyone the right to call themselves better than you.

Some of us are quite happy to be sexual people and have healthy outlets for our eroticism, fetishes, and fantasies. That fact is misunderstood and dismissed by all of society, including our transgender brothers and sisters. Not all of us are delusional or use crossdressing as an excuse to be erotic or sexual. I am a very sexual person and so is my wife, no matter what I/we are wearing.

So putting me/us into the category of people who use the internet as a tool to subjegate their own sexual delusions onto others just because we are crossdressers is incredibly insulting.

-Donni-

[Pythos]

I am also quite a sensual and sexual being, I am finally finding this out. I don't need the clothing to be such, though it does add in some cases.

That being said though, I just do not get why it is a negative and why it validates exclusionism and even the idea of throwing members of one group under a bus so as to attain rights for yourself. I actually read one individual say such, AND some agree with that.

Ben Franklin said "those who are willing to give up freedom for security deserve neither". That individual is willing to give up my freedom for their security, instead of fighting for human rights for all humans. It was really disheartening to read that kind of thing here.

[darci.c]

One of my first girlfriends was totally straight. I will try not to sound vulgar, but simply put... she loved (fill in the blank with a word that starts with the letter c and ends in ock)

She was all girl. Loved men.

But,

A while into our relationship she expressed to me a secret thrill/fantasy to be with a girl. She went and did it. I was there. It was awesome.

There's a switch somewhere in people's brains that turns on whenever you know that what you're doing is "forbidden" "sinful" "naughty" or otherwise "wrong".

She had so much pleasure having sex with another girl that I was almost jealous. But I knew it came from the idea that she was crossing a boundary. In reality, sex is mostly in the brain, in the mind. Some kind of wire was short-circuited there that turned it into a fantasy for her. Does that mean she's gay? Not really. Gay / straight aren't really meaningful words in my universe.

I completely understand getting a sexual thrill from dressing. It has happened to me. > There is nothing wrong with that, in whatever shape or form you find it in. <

The critics might say that you do it for the wrong reasons. I say "so what?"

The real reason anybody does anything is because of the way it feels to do it. We seek pleasure, in whatever form it comes. All of us.

In this way, we are all the same.

My reasons for CD (I believe) come from a less-than-perfectly developed male brain, due to variations in hormone levels during my development in the womb. I'm still mostly a man, I love women, but some parts of me are all girl and there's no way I can change that. I don't believe I'm missing out, morally deficient, or a bad decision maker.

I just know what feels good on me, I understand fashion, have aesthetic dispositions generally associated with the feminine gender, love drama, shopping, shoes, literature, art, and gossip, and follow such pursuits in the way that suits me. Sue me.

[Claire Cook]

I always have thought that this forum is designed for the whole spectrum of those of us who CD, and those who live with us. As has been stated before, this includes everyone from the sometime panty wearer to those of us who are full-time and may be transitioning (or have done). I'll wager that many of us had a sensual thrill the first time we tried on silky panties or a slip (I know I did..). Those of us who may have gone on from that point to more dressing should be sympathetic with and supportive of those who are content with the occasional sensual experience. I agree with all of the above comments about hierarchies -- heck, most of us stated out with simple steps. We're here to support each other, share our experiences and get encouragement and advice about how we dress.

Having said that, I agree with Kimberley TX: I am not particularly interested in posts of a more sexual nature, and tend to ignore them.