So, this is where we are.

[Sheilah]

Just following up from my previous post, and letting you folks who gave me advice know, my cd so and I are seperating.
I, him and even you folks may view this as bad news but, we are at the point where we could stay under the same roof and eventually end up losing each other or we can seperate and keep the best parts of each other. (If that makes any sense, I know to some of you it will.) Its not easy for us at the moment.
XXX

[J'lyn GG]

I'm always sorry to hear of a break up b/c of this. Makes me sad and scared. But, I, completely, understand you reasons. That is my biggest worry...that I will end up hating him and, therefore, lose the marriage anyway.

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry to hear that Sheilah. But I've been through a divorce and although it wasn't CD related, I know that at some point, relationships don't work as they should. My hope is that both of you can step apart in the most amicable manner possible, find some degree of peace and as you say, retain what you loved about each other. Best wishes to both of you.

[Gaby2]

I hope that both of you will cope well with splitting up.
It sounds as if it's for the best, although it may not be the final word.
Take good care of yourselves!
Gaby

[Jonianne]

I'm sorry, Sheilah. I hate to hear when couples break up. I went through that myself. It's good to hear you seem to still be communicating and wanting to do what is best, even if that means being separate. I hope that continues.

You have 10 posts, so maybe you still want to apply to the FAB forum and share with those who have been down that road, as well.

Anyway, thank you for being here and sharing with us. Hopefully you have been able to gain something, even a little peace, as well.

[ReineD]

Sheilah, I'm sorry it has come to this.

I'm sure that you and your husband are doing what you can under the circumstances.

Hopefully he will find himself and at least be able to tell you where he thinks this is going. A thought occurs to me, and I don't know if I can articulate it properly but here goes: I sometimes think it is easier for a CDer to not be in a relationship when his desires increase to the point he goes into a pink fog. A single CDer can freely explore wherever the CDing might take him, eventually be able to separate the fantasy from the reality, and hopefully come back down to earth and reach some sort of balance. My own SO did this some years before I met him, thank goodness. So by the time we met he had a lot of things worked out, except how to go about comfortably going out in public several times per week. This he worked on after we met with my support (I do understand the need to leave a closet), and now things are pretty stable all around.

Over the years I've read posts from CDers who simply could not get certain fantasies out of their minds and in my opinion the fantasy was made even more urgent by virtue of being married to a GG with whom they felt they could not fully be themselves without risking the relationship. So the CDing needs or desires resembled the "forbidden fruit", which made it all the more urgent. I'm trying to not be too specific as I describe this, since everyone has different motives for dressing.

I'm assuming here that your husband is not TS, but the paradox unfortunately is that a CDer will leave a loving marriage in order to explore himself, only to discover that he made a mistake, but his wife has already moved on.

I hope this doesn't happen in your situation and you and your husband will find your way out of the current dilemma.