Quote Originally Posted by emmicd View Post
For those who are transgendered and or transsexual are you now at peace with who you are and if you are where are you on the path to being your true self?
Hi Emmi, I'm not very far along the path, but I am at peace with myself and do enjoy the journey, for the most part. Sure I have a cycle of depressions and highs, but that is normal and a part of life.

How long has it took for you to achieve peace with you and others.
For me, the vast majority of my work in accepting myself took place during the nearly 8 years I spent in weekly individual and group therapy, during the 90's. I had a lot of issues to work through in trying to get to the point of self-acceptance. Back then it was crossdressing and just trying to break free of the chains of an unhealthy fundamentalist religion and learning about being in relationships. I finally came to the point of being OK with myself no matter what. After my Angel passed last year and my life's situation changed, I realized my life long identity with females is exactly what it is and I am at the very begining process of transition and want to live the rest of my life as female.

How are your relationships with family? friends? coworkers?
So far my relationship with the ones I have shared with, my bosses at work are the most supportive. My parents are totally against it and my step-daughter who still lives with me is very upset, but at least she is in therapy herself and in the part of the session where I am in with her, she lets me know in no uncertain terms how angry she is about it. But at least we are talking.

Are you now where you should be?
I'm one that believes that things happen at just the right time and place on our path in life that helps us through. A part of me certainly wishes I could have been in a place where I could have made the decision to transition much earlier in life, but I also believe I wasn't ready to cross that stream until now. So yes, I believe that I am exactly where I should be in my life.

Do you feel regrets?
My biggest regret is that I couldn't have been in a place of self-acceptance as a child and that I had to go through horrible depression and fear and not being able to be just me for most of my life. Not knowing I was loved and accepted all this time, but living in fear of always being condemned.

Are you happier?
I am so much happier now. Life is still a hard struggle and I go through the normal up's and down's of life, but it's so much easier to endure the realities of life when you feel good about yourself and know you are loved. (for the most part, because there are still times when the cycle of depression puts me in a sad/tired place)

What are your plans now for the future?
To each day bring my daily life more in line with who I am and want to be. To inform the rest of the key people in my life my desire to transition, to continue electrolysis, to go out more and more and interact with others as myself, Joni, to get my weight down. My therapist wants me to wait until a year has passed after my Angel died before she will give me the letter to start HRT and has reccomended I go to the VA hospital to register and get started with a full checkup, bloodwork and baseline. That will save a lot of money rather than trying to go through what little my insurance will pay for. So that is my next step. After that, I've already talked with my bosses at work and they have said that they will work with me, so going full time within the next year is hopefully where I will be. It's scary sometimes, but I have never identified as a "man" and I can't imagine living out the rest of my life as one.