Question for all of you in the closet

[Babeba]

Crystal and I went out for a short walk once, and got spooked by a bunch of drunks in a pickup shouting and slamming on their brakes. We had fun up to that point, but I don't think we're ready for a second outing yet.

I consider myself to be in the closet as a GG SO, because it is REALLY not my secret to be sharing. It is up to Crystal to decide who knows, who doesn't, and when they cross from
One category to another. Frankly, I think there would be an adjustment period for anyone who would find out... And for the most part I am just as happy not having to help deal with that for now.

[Alice Torn]

I have not been out dressed for almost two years. I am six foot six without heels! I can't escape lots of attention. I have an idea. Next time someone says OMG, or look, I might shout, "SMILE, YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!" and go on.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

Easy - chickensh!t. I have no good reason, yet I haven't even told my wife. It's a Pandora's box that I'm terrified to open. I wish I had the courage of all the wonderful people here that have come out. It makes me feel like a bad person that I've kept this from the people closest to me, but I have a wonderful like and I'm loathe to take a step that might screw it up for everyone.

[Vanessa5]

On my journey I have gone out on occasion. Most times I do I am consantly thinking about running into someone that knows my family (kids and wife). I am out to my wife but not my kids. If some of their friends parents saw they may turn me into the village monster and escort me out of town with pitchforks and torches. Not to mention what my kids would endure in school or any other social meeting. That is why I am not out as much as some but more than others and thats OK by me.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Fear is certainly a part of it, but another part is I'm just not ready to contemplate what coming out to the world for a variety of reasons. You've all seen me say this before, but it's a battle I don't need to fight right now. I'm still coming to terms with who I am and lack of "CD maturity" plus no real incentive for me to come out are probably bigger than the fear. 24/7 dressing is something I just don't see myself doing as I still enjoy the guy side a lot as well. So, if I am only going to dress occasionally and I get enough satisfaction on my own (or sharing with those among us whom I know appreciate or accept it), why come out to the rest of the world? That's the best I can come up with.

[docrobbysherry]

Was it Roosevelt who said that the only thing that we have to fear is fear itself. Coming out to family and friends is a big thing. I was on the other side of this when a fellow student decided to come out while going through counselling in preparation for SRS. Some people found it very hard to accept and I still remember their comments.

Actually, I believe that was Churchill, Consuelo. But, T. Roosevelt DID say something very applicable to this subject; "If u go out dressed, walk quietly in your heels and carry a BIG STICK!"

Easy - chickensh!t. I have no good reason, yet I haven't even told my wife. It's a Pandora's box that I'm terrified to open. I wish I had the courage of all the wonderful people here that have come out. It makes me feel like a bad person that I've kept this from the people closest to me, but I have a wonderful like and I'm loathe to take a step that might screw it up for everyone.

I'd wager there r very few, if any, of us that at one time or another haven't suffered shame and guilt for our gender bending activities, Arianna. I'm STILL working my way thru this! So remember, you're NOT alone!

[ReineD]

I'm still coming to terms with who I am and lack of "CD maturity" plus no real incentive for me to come out are probably bigger than the fear. 24/7 dressing is something I just don't see myself doing as I still enjoy the guy side a lot as well.

Precisely! Everyone is different here, and has different needs.

[Sophie_C]

Ladies,
This question is for all of you still in the closet, particularly those that continually post that they are in with the door firmly shut.

If you have been here for a while you will know that I am anything but in the closet, if you are new, find and read some of my posts.

So my question is this: What is it that YOU think that makes your situation so very different than mine? (and others like me)

I heard all the time about how no one would accept them, yet I am out to everyone, wife, kids, friends. Not just 2 or 3 people, but around 30. NONE of them have any issues with it. they are all different ages, and from diverse backgrounds. So Why will all the people in your lives be so different?

I also hear, "I live in a very CD unfriendly place". Yet I live in the land of the Bible belt, Conservative, republican strong hold. Hell when I go mountain biking sometimes the trail is blocked by secret service because George W. Bush has decided to ride that trail today. Yes he lives here. But I go out on the town , Dallas, with my CD friends and we are happily accepted everywhere we go, and we go everywhere. So What makes your city/town so different?

Yes, I know I will get beat up over this one, but I'm used to it by now!

Look, I don't think people get how being closeted is a choice. Now, I think I could accept sheerly being a crossdresser, but I'm pretty damn certain I'm trans, which is an entirely different to people because of the degree of change and it's permanency. I've took stock of people I know and believe about 5% of them would still talk to me after it, and I just don't want to give them up right now. And, I don't want to give up my career. And, I don't want to be dirt poor. It's all about weighing out the end result. But, it's just for me, I don't think I'm better for it. It's just the best choice of the two I've got.

[GingerLeigh]

But to the comments that people will be nice to your face, then talk bad about you behind your back, Yes of course, but this is by no means limited to cross dressing. If you think you are preventing some people from talking bad about you behind your back by only presenting a male form, you are sadly mistaken.

True, tongues wag regardless of the topic. I just don't like the term "weirdo" or "freak" tied to my name in closed circles. People DO treat me differently now than they did when they didn't suspect me of crossdressing. Even the stand-up gentle folk are more aloof with me.

There are other reasons I won't venture out and one biggie is that I have little ones. People aren't that open minded when it comes to their kids. Do you believe parents will allow their kids to come over to my house to play with my children if they think their daddy is a "pervert"? What about the playground at school? Kids can be especially mean, I don't want mine to be ostracized or bullied because of my activities.

I honestly applaud you and others like you who have the courage and conviction to go out into public completely dressed enfemme and I may someday follow in your footsteps. Just not right now, and not in the near future.

Ginger

[JessHaust]

Ginger, as long as we hide, people will have no reason not to think we are 'perverts', how would they?

[suzy1]

Ginger, as long as we hide, people will have no reason not to think we are 'perverts', how would they?

You could turn that round the other way if you follow my drift. If we ‘hide away’ then they can’t call us perverts because they don’t know we exist.

Your turn.

[JessHaust]

You could turn that round the other way if you follow my drift. If we ‘hide away’ then they can’t call us perverts because they don’t know we exist.

Your turn.

yes, Suzy, that would work, except the cat is already out of the bag!

[suzy1]

yes, Suzy, that would work, except the cat is already out of the bag!

Works on an individual basis.

[Kerigirl2009]

I like your question!!! I don't think our towns or the people we live around are any different. I just think we are mostly afraid of the what-ifs
then we think "OMG they would absolutely flip if they saw me now" I would have destroyed my life. God no one can ever ever ever know I wear that they would think I am less of a man
They would be right in my opinion we are less of a manwhen we dress as women for whatever reason we dress. But I also believe this makes us better as people because we can see on both sides of the fence. and the grass is always greener on the other side. But if you add people on that lawn it shrinks and we believe no one would accept us just for us being ourselves.
They accepted us once before, why should we be any different this time.
Of course they would stop inviting me to the Mens outings at church but I can live with that.
So no different just afraid of the what ifs

[GingerLeigh]

Well if it means ANYTHING at all, I have kept my legs shaved for the summer. Imagine the rumors now?! I can feel the suspicion grow into verification as we type...

[Kaz]

yes, Suzy, that would work, except the cat is already out of the bag!

Hmmm I am not sure which 'cat' and which 'bag' you are referring to?

[JessHaust]

Hmmm I am not sure which 'cat' and which 'bag' you are referring to?

People, in general, know that cross dressers exist, and some believe that they are perverts.

[Foxglove]

Jess, if I can put in my tuppence worth here: I think you mean well, and I appreciate the point that you're making--that the world may not be as dangerous as some of us believe. I think what's motivating you here is the notion that the more of us who get out in public, the better things will be for all of us. I think that's a praiseworthy motive, and I think you're probably right.

However, this isn't the first time this issue has been raised, and this isn't the first time that a lot of people have given you perfectly valid reasons for not getting out. Will I elaborate on my own?

I'm dressed at the moment and there's nothing preventing me from walking out the door to go to the library or do a bit of shopping, whatever. I think the first probable result of this act would be that my landlord would evict me.

The second result would be that within three days, tops, my son would find out about it. I'm not out to him, and I don't know if I want to be. It's a question I think about a lot. He lives on the other side of the country from me. But Ireland is a small country, more like a big family than a country, and what goes on in one corner is pretty quickly known in another.

So if I want to get out, maybe I need to move to a bigger town where I'm not known and also perhaps simply come out to my son. So will I move? I have good reason for staying put, and moving would be a big inconvenience in my life.

In any case, I'm not getting out any time soon for this reason: I'm no good with make-up. I've never done much with it in the past, but right now I'm in the process of determining what products I need and how to use them and how to get them. Once that's done, I'm going to need a fair bit of time and experimentation and practice to see if I can achieve an acceptable appearance. I absolutely won't go out otherwise. There are some CDers who are comfortable getting out without trying to present as female, but I'm not one of them. And how long will it be before I'm satisfied with my appearance? Hard to say. I have no artistic ability whatsoever, and I've no reason to think that I'll do any better on my face than I ever did on paper. But I plan to work at it, and truth be told I'm quite excited about it: I want to see if I can look like something besides an old hound dog who's just received a face full of grapeshot.

So do these strike you as valid reasons? You see, you know nothing about the house, the town, the country and the circumstances I'm living in. And many other people have given you reasons just as valid as mine. Some have said they won't get out simply because they don't want to, and it's their lives and their choice.

So I think we need to accept that each person will decide for herself what she wants to do, what is in her own best interests. This question is regularly raised, and some people bring to it what I might describe as an almost missionary zeal. There's one person in particular who regularly visits this forum solely to express her contempt (sometimes in rather vulgar terms) for those of us who don't currently get out. As I say, I think you mean well, and I have nothing against you raising the question, but this constant effort to persuade us to do something we don't feel is in our best interests does become a bit tiresome in the end. We reserve the right to think for ourselves.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Contessa]

When I get on this site I usually read all the replies to date before I reply. But no longer, I read some and then make my decision to get my one cent in. Jess I love(sorry not sexually) you. As I think you are trying to help some of the CDers here. I had fear of leaving the house too. So for over 40 years I didn't even realize I was afraid, cause I never dressed completely. Most of the time I only wore one Item. So I didn't realize that once you where one item more than twice you are a crossdresser. Think about this aren't you still a cd when you take off those whatevers. i.e. skirt, panties, makeup. Your dressed in drab but have on pantyhose or tights underneath. You are still a crossdresser same as completely in drab.

After 40 years of not going out dressed completely en femme when I stepped out I was shocked it was as if I had just started. I finally had my purse and was out dressed as a woman in public. If you fear anything then you need to get past it, there is no other way past that fear than head on. Like I had a fear of riding public transportation even at night but I have done it. I am moving past my fears and I am less fearful and more happy. I smile much more than I used too. If anyone asks me how can I do that I say I am not afraid. Cheryl T's signature helped me with this the most I love her too(sorry not sexually though). Her signature says Closets are for clothes. Not people and Natalie said "We do exist". I love them all they are all beautiful ladies. And everyone knows what I mean. Lorileah got me to come back as I wasn't going to once. Marleena is so right to the point also. Getting over fears, I'll write a book. What is fear of flying about? lol Anyway enough.


Tess

[Kimberlyfaye]

My gf says I shouldn't hide who I am but I always feel I have to. My "life" and I use the term to describe my male act to the world, would fall apart completely if some were to find out. So far only a few people know about me. I don't think I could continue working at my job due to the comments I would have to endure. I applaud and respect those of you who have stood up and said to the world "here I am, this is me, I don't care what you think". You really are what I would love to be. I agree that it seems you think the more of us that stand up and be recognised the easier it will be for us to be accepted. And I respect that so much too :-)

Can I ask Jess, how did you go about coming out to your close family and friends?

[docrobbysherry]

I disagree, Contessa, with your "fear", theory!

When I get on this site I usually read all the replies to date before I reply. But no longer, I read some and then make my decision to get my one cent in. Jess I love(sorry not sexually) you. As I think you are trying to help some of the CDers here. I had fear of leaving the house too. So for over 40 years I didn't even realize I was afraid, cause I never dressed completely. Most of the time I only wore one Item. So I didn't realize that once you where one item more than twice you are a crossdresser. Think about this aren't you still a cd when you take off those whatevers. i.e. skirt, panties, makeup. Your dressed in drab but have on pantyhose or tights underneath. You are still a crossdresser same as completely in drab.

After 40 years of not going out dressed completely en femme when I stepped out I was shocked it was as if I had just started. I finally had my purse and was out dressed as a woman in public. If you fear anything then you need to get past it, there is no other way past that fear than head on. Like I had a fear of riding public transportation even at night but I have done it. I am moving past my fears and I am less fearful and more happy. I smile much more than I used too. If anyone asks me how can I do that I say I am not afraid. Cheryl T's signature helped me with this the most I love her too(sorry not sexually though). Her signature says Closets are for clothes. Not people and Natalie said "We do exist". I love them all they are all beautiful ladies. And everyone knows what I mean. Lorileah got me to come back as I wasn't going to once. Marleena is so right to the point also. Getting over fears, I'll write a book. What is fear of flying about? lol Anyway enough.
Tess

Granted, initially going out dressed CAN create a lot of fear in the dresser. For the many number of reasons that have already listed above. But, ultimately, u need to ENJOY being out in public dressed. Which u seem to be able to do. And, that's wonderful for all of u that can do that!
But, I CAN'T! For a number of reasons of which FEAR isn't one. I have NO freedom. Because I have to dress to blend. I don't like the way I look. I'm homely. I don't know who that is in my mirror, but it's definitely NOT Sherry! I know I'll never pass, (fool anyone). And, I don't like the idea of fooling folks anyway! All I feel when I'm out is stressed and embarrassed! NOT wonderful and NOT happy!

Compare THAT to how I feel dressing at home: Completely Free! Inspired! Sexy! Excited! Bubbly! Satisfied! Accomplished! Very HAPPY! And finally, BEAUTIFUL! I will NEVER feel any of those things going out dressed in vanilla public. Now knowing that, do u STILL think I should go out?

[ConnieD]

Things are different now. In years past you couldn't be out. If you did, there wouldn't be a job, let alone a career. Family did not understand or accept. Wives certainly didn't embrace this and would become vindictive and very public. Physical harm was a very real possibility outside of the closet. I remember the condemnation preached from a pulpit and the following disapproval of the entire church I thought I knew and loved when the story of Christine Jorgenson went public. I wonder how many of us "girls" were sitting there during the service and no one ever knew. I was terrified that at any moment the preacher would point at me and call my name. My parents, who knew about me, sat there glaring at me and didn't speak to me for two days. I remember hearing the death threats made by men I worked with about Miss Jorgenson. I remember how the women I knew turned into real nasty "bitches" talking about "Miss" Jorgenson. Arrest was also very probable and if you didn't do anything, they would find some reason even something so mundane as disturbing the peace, public indecency, morals violation, littering, etc. and you would go to jail; into the general open jail population (not segregated), and they would leave you in your dress! We CDs were every bit discriminated against as much as the minorities were in the past. I know, I lived through these times and there was a very good reason you stayed in the closet....it was safe and you had a life. It had nothing to do with embarassment it was just a different world. Now I have 6+ decades of life behind me and if I came out it would hurt many hundreds of people. I love my femme side and embrace it wholly, but I will take it to my grave too as I can't hurt people that much. You younger "girls" have a much brighter future and many opportunities and options that weren't around years ago. We paved the way for you, sometimes with tears, sometimes with blood but always with courage, pride and we did it all in a pair of heels! Go change the world ladies and I will look down from heaven one day, powder my nose, fix my hair, and smile knowing you carried on for us all.
Connie

[Kimberlyfaye]

Aw Connie, that really touched me. I'm so much younger than you but I still feel like I cant go out there for fear of being victimised. I really do hope one day we can stamp out the prejudice and discrimination, whether we do it in heels or not ;-p

[Noemi]

Jess,

Yes you are bound to elicit deep feelings posting topic like being in the closet.
Confronting the closet is a worthy exercise so I thank you.
The closet holds us, well I will say me, back in my life. Emotionally I feel less than because of my gender issues, me feeling less than is silly because I am wildly talented. Almost peerless in my profession, but still I feel less than. Plus my family will disapprove.
I do hope to come out at some point in the near future. If I change my plan, if I think about this perhaps I can reach an answer that will enable me to move forward.

Thanks again♥♥

[ConnieD]

Mikaylafaye-
We just have to keep trying, the world changes, it's just aggrevatingly slow sometimes. Be very careful and always have a plan if things go bad. I do go out occasionaly but it's meticulously planned and I go with someone usually a GG I trust. It's much better that way and you draw less attention. Carry on girls there are a lot of us behind you.

Forever in heels,
Connie