Should I tell my landlord

[naye]

Hi, in two weeks I will be moving to a new apartment, it is the first floor of a two storey house, everything is separate except for the laundry that will be shared with the owner of the house.

She is a single woman in her 50's, she looks like a quite nice and friendly person, and I am wondering if I should tell her that I am a closeted crossdresser so I dont need to be afraid of being discovered in the laundry, or whatever, what would you do?

Is it better to tell her, or should I refrain from saying anything?, only if she finds out?, I was thinking in telling her few days after I arrive there, but I dont know if that could be akward or if that she could dislike to have a Cder living there, but on the other hand, she could be friendly about it and I will feel more free of being my self.

What do you think?

Thanks.

[Gabby]

What's the worst that could happen if she finds your clothes in the laundry? Could you tell her the clothes belong to a girlfriend or so? How well do you know this landlord, and is there a risk of being evicted before you even move in?

I always get the urge or desire to share my secret with friends, but ultimately decide to keep my secret between me and my wife.

[ReineD]

Get to know her a bit first. Have her find out that you are a good tenant and pay your rent on time, and that you're also a nice person. Wait some months so that she will know that you don't have wild parties every night. lol

Seriously, the same rule applies with landlords as does with prospective girlfriends. Let them get to know and like you, and then after 3-4 months if you still feel it is necessary, let her know. Until then though, I wouldn't be dressing while you do your laundry. And who knows? You might discover that she's out every Wednesday or something and this might be the time you'll choose to do your laundry.

Or, you could ask her if the two of you might set up a schedule so as to avoid both wanting to use the facilities at the same time?

[girltoy]

*Shrug* I've lived in the same apartment for 9 years now, and I'm currently the longest residing tenant in the complex (even the manager has only been here about 4 years, the current owner has only had it for 6 years). My SO is over here all the time, and one day she asked to throw some of her clothes in with mine when I was doing laundry. The manager happened to be in the laundry room while I was there and gave me an odd look when she saw me putting women's clothes into the washer, despite her seeing my SO with me all the time. Boggles the mind. Sometimes you're just going to get the weird looks regardless of the situation.

I would suggest getting to know the landlord a little bit, say in the first week or two?

[lingerieLiz]

I would tell her before I move in or keep it in the closet. The problem is if you go out dressed or she discovers something in the laundry she will know. If she finds out she may ask you to move or resent you being there. It is more probable that she will tell people if she has a problem with it and mad about it.

If you tell her before and she accepts it then you can be open about it. Sharing a house is different than an apartment. Who knows you might have a new girlfriend to shop with.

[Noemi]

Interesting post.
I am inferring that you get a good vibe from her. That she can see that you will be a good tenant, regardless. Having been a renter for years, landlords love a good tenant that pays on time and does not destroy property. She probably will not care if you CD so long as you behave and pay on time.
The landlords I have had I would never tell, it is a judgement call on your part.
Also, as you know, take care with becoming friendly with your neighbors. Usually best to keep to yourself I say.
If you tell her then, odds are, she will tell people. Cd'ing is too juicy for them to keep shut about so be careful. Usually best to let things happen naturally.
Enjoy your new apartment.

[AllieSF]

First it depends on what your rental rights are and where you live. In reality, what you do in your home, and when you rent your space becomes your home, you normally have the right to privacy of your life there as long as you are not breaking any contractual terms nor breaking any laws. Unless you want to dress whenever you want and use whatever common facilities, laundry room, entry ways, garage, outside in female mode, then what is her need to know? I would deal with it when she brings it up and not before.

[Helen Grandeis]

A landlord that owns and lives in the building has greater sympathy in the courts.

[Cynthia Anne]

I think Reine has the best idea! As far as your grlifreind goes, unless she lives with you the landlady may froun on you using the washer/dryer to wash someone elses clothes! Hugs!

[darla_g]

Reine has the best post if you feel you must mention otherwise it would be my opinion that it is nobody's business!

I feel as a tenant the biggest expectation you have is for privacy. When i rented the landlord had to give you written notice that they were going to be coming into your space.

[Tina B.]

It's not the same renting area in some one home, than it is renting an apartment. In there home, they don't have to give you near the same amount of time when evicting someone, nor as much reason. So if you like it there, and the rent is a good price, I think I would think about it awhile, maybe you will find you don't need to.
Tina B.

[Katesback]

You said your closeted. Sweety I think your dreaming with this common share your secret thing CDs have.

If your in the closet there is no reason to TELL someone. I mean if you have no desire to SHOW them they dont need to know.

Now the big problem with you is that your landlord can kick your ass out of her house because shes living there and she has a LOT of power. Why would you want to jeapordize your place to live for some dream?

I guess I am just shaking my head in amayzement. Nevermind my rambling do what ya want to do.

Katie

[BillieJoEllen]

I have worked in the apartment business in the past. If you really need to tell your landlady by all means move in first. Being CD cannot be an excuse for asking you to move out. If you tell her before you move in she can come up with myriad reasons why she won't let you live there.

[naye]

Hi, thanks to all your reponses.

The city is Toronto, and the place is not exactly sharing the house is an independent apartment, the only shared spaces are the laundry, backyard and driveway.

About if she tell to the neighboors, honestly I dont care that much because Im going to be new in Toronto and dont know anybody (Now Im living in anorthern town).

The reason what I was thinking to tell her is that if she nows I will not need to be hiding, I can do my laundry when I want (is not that I want to do it en femme but is that she might see the clothes that Im washing) and also to have the chance of being en femme in my apartment without caring if I have the windows open, etc.

Since Im a quite lonely (really lonely) guy, if she see my laundry she wont believe that all those panties (I underdress 24/7) are from a girlfriend.

[Foxglove]

I've rented lots of places in my lifetime, and basically I don't trust landlords--which is fair enough, since they don't trust tenants. But what I do know about landlords is that once they see you're a good tenant--i.e., that you pay the rent on time and don't cause any trouble--then they're a lot better disposed to you. If you must come out to your landlady, it might be better if you can put it off for a while until you've established a good record.

It might also help if you investigate what your legal rights as a tenant are in Toronto. Here in Ireland, they're nil. A landlord can boot you out for no reason at all. So you might want to see what your rights are before you do anything.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Michaelasfun]

No (she's not obligated to tell you about her private life, either). Why not have a chat about "schedules" for the laundry room, explain that you don't want to be a bother so you'd like to know her usual days/times of use. That'll be better anyway so either her or you won't have stuff in the wash when the other wants to use it. I know when I was renting that was always a potential pain, but back in the day I worked retail with nonstandard days off so it wasn't too much of a problem.

[Linda St. John]

Hi, naye, ..I have lived in a low-rise apartment in Toronto Beaches for the last 5 years and our laundry room is off the main lobby. I'm pretty androgenous anyhow and while not prancing around the building in a mini skirt ... I don't bother hiding the fact that most of the clothes in the machine are girls clothes . I know how long a wash or a dry takes and show up at the right time to switch machines . No-one has ever said anything to me at least -maybe there's talk behind my back - but -who cares ??
Reine is right - bide your time until you see what's what !

[Stephanie47]

In most leases it is stipulated when the owner/landlord/agent may enter your domicile. If she is going to enter your apartment and find your feminine attire, you may want to check with her prior to signing the lease whether is objects to your lifestyle. Most leases call for listing the occupants, so the landlord knows who will be there. She may out you to the neighbors, but, she may also be very agreeable to having you there. Being a cross dresser, gay or lesbian does not make a good or bad tenants. In my state, the law protects cross dressers in housing. However, the law will not necessarily protect you from snide remarks and an uncomfortable situation.

Maybe, you should also ask "Dear Abbey."

[pickles]

Find out her stance on gays and lesbians, this is usually a good indicator.

Until then you can always tell her that your clothes belong to a girlfriend.

[sometimes_miss]

Always assume the worst possible outcome; if you can live with that, then go ahead with your plan to tell her. Remember that about 97% of women want nothing to do with guys who crossdress. Many older ones are more conservative, and may think you are a pervert, and possibly a pedophile. Single older women of course also must be concerned about their safety, and may not want 'perverted men' around anywhere near them. She may also tell the neighbors and her friends; women love to discuss other people's lives, both good and bad.
and of course, you may be evicted. In most states, two family homes where the landlord rents the extra apartment, they don't need a reason to ask you to leave. Not, of course, that you'd want to stay anywhere you aren't wanted anyway. Just remember the potential disastrous possibilities, rather than relying on wishful thinking about the dreams of having a friendly female friend who's thrilled with having a crossdresser around.
Be careful. The real world is nothing like being on this forum. Real people don't live in a 'pink cloud'.

[Chickhe]

I think I would get to know her a bit first, be early with rent and utilities.... no excuses. Its not much fun being a landlord and there are a lot of expenses. You are in Toronto and the law is on your side...I'm pretty sure she can't kick you out for CDing. A good way might be to dress up for a party and show her...make it fun for her... ie: a friend invited me, or its halloween or a charity... that way you let her know what you look like, get some dialog going about it and it won't be a big deal if she sees you dressed up a second time...

[Voulez-Vous]

Hi, in two weeks I will be moving to a new apartment, it is the first floor of a two storey house, everything is separate except for the laundry that will be shared with the owner of the house.

She is a single woman in her 50's, she looks like a quite nice and friendly person, and I am wondering if I should tell her that I am a closeted crossdresser so I dont need to be afraid of being discovered in the laundry, or whatever, what would you do?

Is it better to tell her, or should I refrain from saying anything?, only if she finds out?, I was thinking in telling her few days after I arrive there, but I dont know if that could be akward or if that she could dislike to have a Cder living there, but on the other hand, she could be friendly about it and I will feel more free of being my self.

What do you think?

Thanks.

None of her business. Don't say anything.

[naye]

Thank you all for all your suggestions.

I think that I should hold my horses and wait until I know her a lot more and think if I really should tell her or not.

Thanks!!!

[docrobbysherry]

I'm a professional landlord in Calif., Naye. Here, to do that u have to have a real estate license which requires LOTS of equal rites and privacy education! However, anyone can rent out their own property with absolutely no idea or concern for any of the laws in affect. I assume the same is tru in Eh Land?

I don't know or care what ANY of our tenants do. I don't care how they dress, or with which roommate or guests they're involved with. The only things I care about r:
Pay the rent on time. Take care of the premises. Don't disturb the other tenants. Don't do anything illegal on the premises. Abide by the agreed to terms of our written agreement.

I've rented lots of places in my lifetime, and basically I don't trust landlords--which is fair enough, since they don't trust tenants. But what I do know about landlords is that once they see you're a good tenant--i.e., that you pay the rent on time and don't cause any trouble--then they're a lot better disposed to you. If you must come out to your landlady, it might be better if you can put it off for a while until you've established a good record.

It might also help if you investigate what your legal rights as a tenant are in Toronto. Here in Ireland, they're nil. A landlord can boot you out for no reason at all. So you might want to see what your rights are before you do anything.

Best wishes, Annabelle

Annebelle, u r TOO RITE! The horror stories I've heard tenants and prospective tenants tell about amature landlords drive me NUTS! Some of these idiot, "It's my duplex! I live next door so I can do ANYTHING I LIKE with my tenants", often break more laws than I can list! And then, I have to deal with these folks that have been cheated, duped, and lied to previously! I wish more of these poor folks would take the jerks to court and see them get berated by a judge!

In most leases it is stipulated when the owner/landlord/agent may enter your domicile. If she is going to enter your apartment and find your feminine attire, you may want to check with her prior to signing the lease whether is objects to your lifestyle. Most leases call for listing the occupants, so the landlord knows who will be there. She may out you to the neighbors, but, she may also be very agreeable to having you there. Being a cross dresser, gay or lesbian does not make a good or bad tenants. In my state, the law protects cross dressers in housing. However, the law will not necessarily protect you from snide remarks and an uncomfortable situation.
Maybe, you should also ask "Dear Abbey."

The law says u can inspect your occupied unit at reasonable times with proper written notice for SPECIFIC LEGAL PURPOSES! That means to show the unit to a prospective new tenant or check the condition of things in it like; plumbing, heaters, appliances, illegal alterations, or abuse of the premises. U may NOT go in willy nilly just to see what your tenant is up to, what's in their closets, or who's sleeping where!

Just as your landlord doesn't know u, u don't know her! I suggest u tell her nothing until u FEEL LIKE IT because u trust her and WANT TO. I'd tell EVERYONE don't tell your landlord any personal info that has NOTHING to do with u as a tenant. Personally, I don't WANT TO KNOW personal details about my tenants. After all, it's none of my business! Literally!