I'm writing first, then I'll read the other replies because it looks like a lot of thought was poured into them.
Leslie, our situations are remarkably similar. My wife has an added burden in that there is a lingering fear on her part that next week, next month, next year, perhaps whenever, perhaps never...I could transition.
A lot of us exist with negotiated boundaries as you have discussed, or in my case, a combination of negotiations and my pushing the envelop well beyond her comfort level. But at the end of the day, like you, there is a solid foundation to our marriage which reminds me why we're still together (as I hate to say it but I would have likely left me long ago).
And remember, you cannot remotely compare the women we meet in our day to day lives with the level of acceptance afforded by a spouse. TG's are way cool, great to have as friends. We're fun, we are unique, and can be such conversation pieces. But those same women who think we're terrific wouldn't be so likely to think so if it were next to them in their own bed, so to speak.
So hang in there and hopefully she will too. May she never forget the qualities she adores that make you the wonderful human being that you are.
