I told my daughter at 3. Didn't expect her to keep any secret. I told her usually men didn't wear dresses, but I like do do it and it is my choice. She is now 4 and the only consequence of this was that she dares wearing Flash Mc Queen shoes, because it is her choice.
The bottom line is that if you tell your young children you will definitely be outed. Expecting them to keep your secret is unrealistic and emphasizing the need to keep the secret will make your CDing seem that much less acceptable..
I have two daughters, both in college. I've considered telling them, but as I see it now the cost-benefit ratio to them doesn't pencil out. The only benefit to them would be resolution of some minor questions they might have about their Dad's behavior. The downside is the burden of being careful not to expose the secret to their friends and boyfriends.
Now, my daughters, like most of their generation are enlightened and tolerant individuals. However, being enlightened is much easer if the TG person is a friend or acquaintance than it is if the TG person is a close relative.
My idealized dream is that my daughters would embrace and enjoy my CDing, but the reality is that they might not be happy finding a TG person so close to home. I want them to be happy so it is prudent for me to keep my mouth shut.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
My kids are 20 & 22 (boy is the older). The last two years were easy for me in that they were both away at school and I could dress and go out whenever I wanted. My wife knew (she died about 5 yrs ago) and she didn't want me to say anything to them. My son just graduated and got a job near home & is living at home again. They both know I wear what I like but other than some shoes (mostly clogs or such) nothing overtly fem in male mode. I think my daughter has suspicions and I know it's only a matter of time till I tell them.
Re: Do you tell the kids about dressing?
Yes and they were over thirty years old. Three boys and has been fifteen years since they have spoken to me or fail to answer letters, emails and voice mail I leave them. In fact the oldest boy married about ten years ago ( I didn't know he married!) and changed his last name to the family name of his wife when they married.
Oh my gosh Janet that is tragic! I'm so sorry hun. I can't wrap my mind around what would cause your children to do something like this.Originally Posted by Janet_CD
I will chime in on this topic. Two of my sons, were told at 21 and 25. The oldest still is in the dark, I believe. My wife, whose female intuition, is better than mine, says not to tell the oldest.
I would have never told them, till they were ready. Life for young people can be hard enough, with out the added burden of such an unusual father. I think waiting till they are older is a good game plan. I order to keep the young children in the dark. You really need to keep your things, well hidden. They can draw conclusions at a very young age.
Both boys have not changed in their attitude toward me. The middle son, and his GF have gone out with me dressed. The youngest is also CD/TG. I told him, to let him know, he is not alone in this character trait. The youngest is not ready to see me dressed yet. I find the youngest son's apprehension puzzling, but I have not had a chance discuss this with him.
Marcia (LOVES) Blue
I seeriously have to chime in here. I feel that I am in a unique position. And honestly, I have no idea how to proceed. I am a single father of two boys (ages 6 and 8). Their mother moved to the other side of the states, and doesn't visit but once a year (She calls about every other week to speak with them.) She is a WHOLE other story that I could go on about for a while.
I'm haaving a horribly hard time with CD and being the sole parent for my boys. I want them to think of me as the man they know. But I hate that I have to hide Amy from them. It limits my time that I can express my feminine side, and I would melt to a puddle if they found me either dressed up or found my stash. I don't think telling them about Amy would be a good idea for them. I do try and encourage them to understand that there are all kinds of differet people in this world, and that they need to be open minded. I hope that by instilling this in them as children they won't resent me if and when they find out about Amy.
I don't know if I can keep her hidden from them for long though. And I have no idea what will happen if they find out. This is one part of the battle that is going on inside of me.
Steph,
I would certainly wait as long as you can to let you kids in on this. I believe that if we raise them to be open minded and not to judge others that they will be ok when they are old enough to know. But then again, I'm struggling with this myself.
~Amy Lynn
I'm with Eryn. Unless you're going out where you might interact with the kids or where their friends would recognize you, there's no reason IMO to tell. If you feel that you need to tell them so they know the whole you, I could understand. But you're asking when to tell, and not how to tell them, so I'd wait for now.
Me personally, I would never share this side of me with my children. It's just not something I'd want my family to know about.
I prevent the issue by not having children in the first place.
Steph,
I'm in a potentially similar situation, so I'll add my two cents. I've got a daughter that is almost 4 and another daughter on the way.
I think the general answer to all the questions is "It depends." You're the one who knows your kids and your situation the best. Your judgement will almost certainly be better than ours on what the right course of action is. That said, hearing stories from others can certainly prepare you better for the time when/if you do tell them. Lots of good stuff in this thread and others on this board.
Personally, I don't want to tell until they're old enough to understand AND there's another compelling reason to do so. I'm not yet sure what that reason may be yet. My wife agrees with me on this. If we ever get to the point where we're telling I'm sure we'll discuss it beforehand and probably tell the story together.
I also struggle with the challenge of encouraging honesty and openness while hiding something. I wrote a bit about it in this thread: Cute Kid Story It's absolutely amazing how perceptive young kids are. Becasue of that I fear a discussion about daddy's stuff may come far sooner than I'd ever want to have it. So, guard your stash carefully if you can, but it may be found!
Good luck!
-Bree
I am very glad that I did not follow this philosophy. To do so would have denied the world two creative, loving, and wonderful people.
Of course, many of us underestimate the perceptiveness of our children. I have no doubt that my daughters know that something is different about their Dad, but the extent of the difference might be surprising to them. Or, it might not.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
Agreed, each to their own of course, but I would never, ever, go back on having my kids. They are without a shadow of doubt, the best thing that has happened in my life. And I have had a very good life! So that philosophy would not work for me.
Everyone here has rightly had their take on this subject. Some of you have told, others not, and those that did with mixed results. Mostly positive I'm pleased to see. The only conclusion, if we must make one, is that there is no rule, no time no way to do it. Some of you have expressed an urge not to do it, or to have a compelling enough reason to do it, due to the risks involved. Again, I will say, my main desire to tell them one day, is simply because I do not feel good hiding things from people. I never have done, in anything in my life really, apart from a total lack of desire to tell my parents. But with my kids, I just don't want a potential shock-horror discovery to happen by accident (as happened with my wife the first time I was discovered). We've discussed the pros and cons to it, but that's where I'm coming from. Not saying I'm going to do it tomorrow, just feeling things out for the how, when and if.
Hello Ladies
This subject really hits home with me. I have 3 children and very young. I do not agree on sharing this information with them since theyre still young and thier little minds are developing. Something like this must be only shared after theyve already expierenced life.(mid 20s and beyond) if even to be shared at all. This is a gift or mystery that I solely believe belongs only between a man and his spouse. This is something shared between them only. If discovered by the child it must be handled with kids gloves as to prevent mind games and anxiety in thier lives. Some things must remain a mystery. Does GOD tells us everything,no beacuse our minds just wouldn't be able to handle it. Only after expierencing life will things be revealed.
just my two cents worth
Thera
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