The elephant in MY room is starting to make some noise

[Sara Jessica]

This is true with any change people notice. The fact is though, people tend to go with their own math whether they are right or wrong. That is society today. If your not comfortable telling your friends, then don't. There is nothing wrong with shaving your legs or even plucking your eyebrows even if your not a TG of any kind. What about people who do these things simply because they like it? I started shaving all my body hair after a fitness contest years ago to show more muscle definition and when I did, I liked more that way thus I kept it and now it's a plus since I started dressing again. The only thing I don't shave regularly is my legs but simply because it's a pain. Electrolysis on your facial hair? So what. I have thought about it a few times myself and not for TG reasons but simply because it's a pain in the neck sometimes, not to mention I am blessed with good genes and when clean shaven, I look 10 years younger. I have no desire to ever grow any facial hair. Tried it a few times but ehh, not for me.

This is all up to you of course. If you are planning on going full time at some point then sure, you won't be able to avoid the disclosure at some point but if your not and really don't want to disclose your TG side, then don't. The elephant in the room in any case is always on somebody else, not you, for any changes you make to your image whether it's TG related or not. People are just naturally curious, especially if it relates to something they wouldn't do for themselves thus they don't understand.

Outstanding advice Soriya. It serves to remind me of the obvious, that I'm under NO OBLIGATION to disclose ANYTHING if I don't want to. My appearance is my business and what others perceive and think is theirs.

Still, it will be an interesting day when I do get specifically called out. If this is pulled in a "Jeopardy" fashion (phrased in the form of a question), then I do think I'll stick to my plan and let honesty prevail.

I had to think of your friend saying it was basically ok to be a crossdresser (even if not the right terminology) means he is one himself, know someone who is (other than yourself) or an admirer! Obviously I have no way of knowing but it did make me wonder because of his statement. I do think we often give off signals, without us being aware we do so, that those being observant or more aware of certain traits for whatever reason, will pick up. In any case I hope it works out to your favor!

Dana

I know that it's hard to peg a person for what they might do when no one else is looking. For example, if it were to come out to one of my friends that I am TG, there'd be no real shock in that. After all, just look at my appearance. Yet with this particular friend, I would be absolutely floored if he were any sort of TG himself, let alone an admirer. He is a guy's guy who can be so very happy laying on a raft in my pool with a beer in hand patting his moderately rotund (and extraordinarily hairy) belly, just as proud as he can be. And I can pretty much guarantee that the only TG he knows is me, even if he is not quite certain yet.

Honestly? People don't like to see elephants. Most people don't like to see things that conflict with their viewpoint or would take extra effort for them to understand. They would much rather invent some other reason why these things are going on, rather than confront you on it. Result? They essentially toss a mental throw rug over it and decide to pretend it doesn't exist. So, for most of the people that come into contact with you, they deny your elephant's existence, and invent other reasons for these modifications - midlife crisis, changes in grooming habits, etc., as the truth is just too much effort for them to conceive. That's my thought, anyway.

Sorry this was so uncharacteristically quick (for me, anyway). I have to go feed my elephant.



Kathi

I generally agree with you about elephants. People will automatically default to that which is familiar in order to provide some sort of explanation and then they move on. The question is whether there is a tipping point where more thought is required of them and the TG thing comes into play. I guess my point is that I think I've gotten to that point with at least some people.

BTW, I hope your elephant is happy and well-fed!!!

And both of these comments made me smile....

Sara, I guess there is a third problem as well. Like so many around here, you have such a pretty elephant, she needs to be fed, watered, exercised and seen to be happy. And if our elephant isn't happy, we ain't happy, so it increases the chances for this problem to surface. Good luck.

tick tock tick tock....