Why doesn't your fashionable feminine side crossover into your drab side?

[crossdressersfriend GG]

I'm not sure how to put this, but here's my question. Why can't the drab side of dressing be a little girly or a little more fashionable, why such a huge difference between the 2 styles? Or aren't yours that far apart?

My CDing Friend is WAAYYY drab, all jeans and t shirts, no fashion sense here at all. BUT in girl mode or when talking to me about what I wear it's all fashionable, all stylish and put together?

I asked this weekend when I saw a nice men's linen button up shirt, (or pants even) if he would wear that, but he automatically thought I meant a women's shirt. I would think a nice men's linen shirt or pants would feel a little more feminine when in man mode, but still fit right in as obvoiusly men's clothing.

Why not wear something made for a man but still feminine feeling, or a more feminine color? Or is it just your in the mood for one or the other?

[Karren H]

Speak for yourself! Lol. I dress to look good no mater what I wear. If I don't show up to work in a nice suit and an amazingly colorful Jerry Garcia tie everyone thinks something wrong!

[crossdressersfriend GG]

Speak for yourself! Lol. I dress to look good no mater what I wear. If I don't show up to work in a nice suit and an amazingly colorful Jerry Garcia tie everyone thinks something wrong!

That's exactly what I mean! LOL How can you care so much about the one side and not give a thought to the other!? I just don't get it!

[Shadeauxmarie]

I love to look good whether I am presenting as male or female.

[Cynthia Anne]

Good question! All my life I showed up in my dirty old hat, boots and crooked smile! Finally my female side has won over and it's dresses and skirts all the way! Hugs!

[RADER]

I do not leave the closet when dressed, So I mostly under dress when out.
What degree I am under dress depends on the weather; The hotter it is, the
less I wear. Mostly my fem jeans, panties and a neutral top.
Rader

[docrobbysherry]

2 things come to mind:

1. Think,"Lipstick on a pig", GG! I don't see ANY POINT in trying to make my drab self look good. Because in the end, I must look in the mirror! And, I've ALWAYS disliked who and what I see there!

2. I dress ALL THE WAY when I dress. That's the only way I LIKE what I see in the mirror! Any, "part way fem", 1/2 way measures do NOTHING for me at all! See point #1 above!

[Jamie001]

I just wear feminine items and always present as a feminine male. Therefore I only have one "mode".

[Bree Wagner]

I think I look good in shorts and a T-shirt! Anyways, it's a matter of effort. Since I don't get to dress up femme that often it's worth putting more effort into when I do. If I did it every day I'd probably be taking the easy way out then too.

-Bree

[Vanessa_1977]

I have no ancer for you. But when I'm in girl mood I do my best to look as good as I can. I whould love too go to a formal event so I can where a formal dress. But in guy mood I don't realy care what I look like. One might say I dress like a scrub cus all my gut clothing are work clothes can't keep em cleen. Mabie it becouse I don't like beeing in guy mood.

[Eryn]

Being fashionable in drab is a bit like a pianist being limited to five keys. Yes, you can make music with only five notes and a few musicians would rise to the challenge of doing so, but most would rather work without restriction, which for me means en femme.

[Chickhe]

...because its not about looking good, its about looking the part. I do think most people want to look good, but there is a male style that either includes you or excludes you...so its more about fitting in. If you wear something unusual, it is the first thing people judge, so if you are insecure it may be difficult to be different...on the other hand, you can feel superior and feel empowered if you dress a cut above. Also, consider most guys end up doing the dirty work and jeans and a t-shirt looks normal even with dirt on them...can't think of many woman's outfits that look great with dirt on them...

[Sophie_C]

Mine does, but it's not that easy.

First off, is the femme thing. I personally look at fashion not entirely based on gender, but if whenever you end up having anything remotely bordering on femme, it's perceived as being gay. Too well-fitting, to frilly, too chic, too much resembling a current woman's style and that's what you've got. Trust me, I've done it, and I've had to hold myself back from buying things in the men's section like this, even a few months ago. And, when you don't, you're getting set up with your female friend's gay BFF and they're not believing you like girls. This is the reality for men.

Hell, in some parts of the country, simply dressing well is perceived as being gay, so you've got to take perspective on this.

Second, it's a matter of options. In fact, I'm sure you do not know, but being in a large city, I did an inventory of stores out there that cater to women-only versus ones that cater to women and men, and it was 11 stores for women-only to 1 store for women and men.

Now, your friend seems to really just be blowing off his boy side, which to me is a bit lazy, but know it's really tough to be as fashionable as a man as you are as a woman without consequence. I have fun with it, but I have to keep on playing this game of "Does this actually look straight?" every time I find clothes I like when I'm out shopping. And, I really don't like it, but I don't have much of a choice.

And, it's not like I'm out in left field here. Was "Mr. Big" portrayed in SATC in the chic-est outfits possible? Hell no. He just rocked basic suits, tailored somewhat on the big side, and that's what women loved. Am I wrong?

[wilt575]

I just wear feminine items and always present as a feminine male. Therefore I only have one "mode".

Same here curvy low rise jeans with obvious stiched pockets, some studded design jeans, capris and short shorts. Wear assorted design tops,crop and tank etc. totally underdress (panties,bras forms and hose). Some times do second mode totally feminine.

[Michelle 51]

For a lot of guys who have spent a lifetime trying to hide their femme side its hard to break that habit.When I dress in femme I want to look very femme and in style but in guy mode its just old habit to make sure nothing is girlish about how I look.I often dress in suits and ties etc but there is a huge difference between looking nice in guy clothes and looking femme in guy cloths.The generation today is a lot for liberal towards guys being and looking femme than in my day.They even have a name for it .Metro.

[Kate Simmons]

It's all mindset regardless of what I'm wearing Hon. I can be dressed entirely en femme but be in guy "mode" and it will show. Same with being en homme. When I'm in girl "mode" it shows. The approach taken on the feelings and emotions does make a bit of a difference sometimes.

[Joanne f]

I have men's linen trousers and shirts which I wear when we go out for a meal or something and I have to look manly for my wife (although she says that I can wear anything I like when out with her) and I would like to think that I am fashionable most of the time .

[joan47]

I present as a feminine man in male mode, pierced ears, thin arched eyebrows, long arylic nails, necklace, light make-up, bra, panties, girls scoop bneck style t's, girl tightlow rise jeans

[Jennifer W]

I'm not sure how to put this, but here's my question. Why can't the drab side of dressing be a little girly or a little more fashionable, why such a huge difference between the 2 styles? Or aren't yours that far apart?

My CDing Friend is WAAYYY drab, all jeans and t shirts, no fashion sense here at all. BUT in girl mode or when talking to me about what I wear it's all fashionable, all stylish and put together?

I asked this weekend when I saw a nice men's linen button up shirt, (or pants even) if he would wear that, but he automatically thought I meant a women's shirt. I would think a nice men's linen shirt or pants would feel a little more feminine when in man mode, but still fit right in as obvoiusly men's clothing.

Why not wear something made for a man but still feminine feeling, or a more feminine color? Or is it just your in the mood for one or the other?

I have a nice men's linen shirt. I also have pastel colored men's tshirts and polos. I wear them with men's jeans, fem jeans or men's pants. I blend both male and female all the time. Depends on my mood or where I'm going as to how I dress.

[Alice]

I have been interested in this question myself and I have found that the disparity is usually due to the circumstances in which the two types of clothes are used. Unless someone presents as a female exclusively he must still wear his male clothes in social situations. In these situations everyone has a set of expectations guided by their culture and defined by who they are. Individuals are expected to dress a certain way based on their age, gender, occupation, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, peer group, and many other factors. When dressing in private however, there are no restrictions besides those the individual sets for himself. The clothes that a closeted CDer chooses to wear in private could be completely inappropriate for a woman in a comparable position in life. For example, those who wear wedding dresses; there is a small handful of social circumstances where someone would wear a wedding dress, but since those dressing are doing so in a private situation they are free to dress how they desire. The same rules even apply to CDers who dress in public. Anyone walking down Main Street on a Sunday afternoon in a PVC mini skirt and five inch heels is going to get looks, so those of us who choose to go out en femme typically dress in the way women are expected to dress as defined by the circumstances.

So when a CDer is dressing in private, the clothes he wears are dictated by his desires and defined by his beliefs and knowledge about how people dress. When in a social circumstance, the clothes anyone wears are defined by societal expectations. Most people wear what they are expected to wear, and what their social groups expect them to wear based on prior observation. It just so happens that society only expects a small segment of men to be "fashionable" so those of us who do not fall into that segment will not usually dress in a "fashionable" way.




Those are my personal observations regarding the disparity between many CDers two wardrobes.

[Kaz]

It's a great challenge! My daughter did fashion design at college and is now working with a leading fashion chain. She specialised in menswear. Great designs, and I would love to wear them... BUT once you are out of your teens and twenties, men have to conform if they want a career and a salary. They have to join the 'pack' and adopt the prevailing attire. This includes hair length and facial hair... renegades tend not to get promoted and quickly become vulnerable in difficult economic times. It is just a fact of life.

OK there are some industries that are different and Gen X and Y have done a bit to change things, but Gen Xers have mainly conformed as they got older. Why do you think men play golf? Because they enjoy it? No... it is about belonging to the right tribe and maximising your career/earning power. And women like it... they are attracted to money and power in general...

As the song says... 'nobody loves you when you're down and out'....

OK... a generalisation... but based on my life experience!

[Beverley Sims]

Mine has merged over the years, but as a disguise I think my drab side still looks really DRAB.

[Foxglove]

Who wants to be a guy? So why worry about what you look like when you have to be one? And even if you did want to look good, when you're 5' 3" tall, nobody's going to be impressed no matter what you do.

I asked this weekend when I saw a nice men's linen button up shirt, (or pants even) if he would wear that, but he automatically thought I meant a women's shirt. I would think a nice men's linen shirt or pants would feel a little more feminine when in man mode, but still fit right in as obvoiusly men's clothing.

Why not wear something made for a man but still feminine feeling, or a more feminine color? Or is it just your in the mood for one or the other?

And dear Friend, there's nothing made for a man that would make me feel even remotely feminine. Linen shirt or pants? Sorry. Skirt or dress and nice undies. Then you're feeling feminine.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Stephanie47]

I believe I dress to fit the occasion and who has decided to be dominant for the day. If you have read my previous comments on this site, I truly believe each of us has an inner male and an inner female. The degree of dressing is governed by the desires of one side or the other. When Stephanie's twin brother needs a rest from the world or Stephanie decides to assert herself, Stephanie wants to express a truly feminine side of herself. Therefore, based on perceptions of the past, Stephanie will always appear in a pretty dress, lacy slip, pretty undergarments, hosiery and heels. Her twin brother also likes to appear well dressed for the occasion. Before retirement, in the office setting, it was dress shirts and ties and dress slacks and dress shoes. Actually, the ties became a method of further expression of how he felt on any given day. I will say Stephanie's twin brother was better dressed than ANY of the females in the office. A GG wearing sweat pants, sweat shirts, flip flops, jeans, etc in a professional environment, meeting and dealings with CPA's and attorneys and business persons? Hideous!

Now when Stephanie's twin brother wants to totally relax, he will be found in shorts, sweat socks and 'sneakers' and a tee shirt. All clean. He also has been told he has sexy legs, which Stephanie enjoys making pretty with sexy hosiery.

Since Stephanie and her twin brother are able to wait their turns to express themselves, there is no conflict in dressing. I'm sort of the opinion that the male side wearing feminine garb has not made peace with his feminine side and is trying to suppress her. He needs to totally surrender to his feminine side and let her come out and be herself for a period of time. Peaceful co-existence is possible.

[Georgia_Maine]

For me dressing enfemme is more of a fantasy. I want to look as good as I can. In normal everyday masculine mode, comfort is much more important so now jeans and a sport shirt are the norm. When needed, I guess I dress up pretty well.