Mixed emotions

[Kayla C]

I'm with Karren on this...
It's wonderful that your friend cares for you so much and is so incredibly supportive, but this is the bride's day and anything that might take away from her should be avoided.

Kayla C

[Persephone]

Purely my own thoughts so a grain of salt may be required on your part.

First, you have wonderful friends! Treasure them! It does sound like they have made their wishes clear. But you have to think through the implications for you.

Second, the idea of a "Best Woman," of a female "Groomswoman," of a "Man of Honor," and of a male "Bridesman" is becomming accepted at Weddings.

Third, it is always impossible to really tell from an online forum, but you look very pretty and passable in your posted photos and seem to have the confidence and mannerisms that would allow you to "fit in" to such circumstances, but only you can decided.

Fourth, personally, although I completely understand that those who suggest it see it in a different light than I do, under no circumstances would I "switch" at the Wedding and reception as some have suggested. I believe that would be a serious "upstage" that could only be seen as some sort of weird cry for attention.

Fifth, the major consideration would appear to be the permanence of being "out" as a result. As Stephanie pointed out, the pictures and social media posts will be permanent. Only you can decide about that.

Should you decide, I would remain on the Groom's side as you have been asked to do, fulfilling the role of "Best Woman" as completely as possible. And by the way, that usually means you have responsibilities before and after the Wedding as well, arranging his bachelor party comes to mind. You can probably find guidance online if you don't already know the expectations of the role.

As to clothing choice, you have some latitude. The "Best Man/Woman" and the "Maid/Matron/Man of Honor" usually wear something a bit different from the other Bridespeople and the Groomspeople. If you are standing for the Groom, I would wear an appropriate dress consistent with the style and colors he has chosen for the Groomspeople, even if that color differs from what the Bride's party is wearing.

Only you can decide what to do and how to best honor your friend's on their special day as well as to have a day that you too will remember for a long time to come.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Eryn]

I have very mixed feelings about this. While in an ideal world it would be a dream come true, a wedding is truly the bride's day and everything else should support that.

One alteration from the norm isn't much of a problem. A bridesman or groomswoman will be accepted if the bride and groom truly want them. The difference will be noticed, but attention will soon return to the bride, where it belongs.

The same would follow for a CDer as a bridesmaid or groomsman. Dressed appropriately for the side of the party that they are on, they might be noted, but attention would again return to the bride.

I'm not so sure that a "double twist" such as a male dressed en femme on the groom's side would be as acceptable. People would go , "Who is that woman on the groom's side?" and if you are made the attention won't go back to the bride. You'll be the person on the minds of the audience for the entire ceremony, and this isn't a good thing.

My first piece of advice is to make sure that whatever you do is acceptable to the bride. She's the Head Woman In Charge and it is Her Day, Period. Second, don't let their loyalty to you spoil their wedding. If they want to do something unusual, fine, but if they're doing this just to fulfill your dream then they're doing it for the wrong reasons.

Others have given good suggestions. Being a bridesmaid, dressing in drab to be a groomsman and en femme for the reception, or attending the wedding en femme but not being part of the wedding party are all viable alternatives with less impact on the Bride's day.

Whatever you and the bride decide, have a wonderful time. That will be your best present to the bride and groom.

[Lorileah]

All legitimate concerns. And I have wrestled with similar thoughts (no wedding...I don't do weddings...at my age funerals are more common and I avoid them too). But i did attend an ordination of a clergy member last week and I was not the only TG person there. The congregation didn't mind.


The two main concerns. It is the bride's day and if she is good with it, then no problem. It will be something everyone will remember forever. The other is that you will be out then. Forever. In my case that would be a non-issue. I am slowly getting to be out all the time.

Ifthe bride and groom want you there, and you want to be there, then go, have fun

[famousunknown]

Unless you're 110% passable, I would say don't do it. Just my opinion.

[Rogina B]

It isn't everyday that we get to "solve" such a problem on here as it is complex....If Jaye hasn't already been to bed with your "close friend" to validate herself,she may as well "just do it"..Because there will be many at the wedding and others that will think the relationship you have is FWB...after all,he wanted the feminine you to be at his side on this big day. And,all it takes is some PMSing bridesmaid to feel that she gave her best "only" to participate in a sham ceremony to really stir the -hit pot. Not to say that the financier of the event may feel that way as well...But,if you can handle being on "prime time" with plenty of "papparatzi and pundits" GO FOR IT!!!! But tell us the whole story afterwards....lol

[jaye_cd]

Thank you all for the comments, there was such an overwhelming response! While as wonderful at it sounds, I truly do not want to be a major point of conversation (or worse, a source of gossip and rumors as some have mentioned) and take away from the bride and groom's special day.

[Rogina B]

Good choice!! BUT now you need to prepare for all those envious and jealous feelings you will be having as you are around all those girls prettied up. I personally find that hard to cope with...just me..right?