We all have our individual lives and journeys, but it is always wonderful and encouraging to connect and share common experiences.
All of my early life was a challenge and a struggle, I am sure many here can relate, it seemed as though there were two sides of me competing for supremacy, control. The myriad of feelings from exhilaration to debilitating guilt. Depression, shame, anger, hypocrisy, speaking for myself, of course.
I would pray to God for a healing, a miracle, a change for which apparently I lacked the strength to bring about with any permanency. My life was a slew of failures with regards to changing. I would dress, regret, purge, dress, regret, purge, seemed to be the pattern of my life.
With time and a better understanding of myself this curse has now become one of the greatest blessings of my life. I am so grateful for my life now. I realized that I am actually, in many ways, the person I always wanted to be, but was to ashamed to admit it. I did a lot of work on dealing with shame, I suggest Brene Brown as a wonderful author and counselor on the subject of shame, a debilitating feeling for sure.
If I had it all to do over again I would choose to be a transwoman, except I would have a completely shame free outlook from the start.