I've been married to a wonderful, kind, caring, hardworking, supportive and crossdressing man for almost 20 years now. We are in our early 50's. I love him so very much. We have two adult children and four grandchildren. We have built a good life together.
He told me about the crossdressing before he married me. He was completely honest. He felt it had ruined his first two marriages and didn't want to ruin a third marriage. He agreed to certain "rules" and so did I. He has broken these rules occassionally throughout the marriage.
Mostly my rules are that NOBODY in our small town finds out. It is a small town and very conservative. A few times in our marriage I have found out that he went shopping for clothes at Walmart or Payless shoes in town, and that has been a point of contention between us. I don't want him to get caught. He has since agreed to only shop while out of town or online. As far as I know he is abiding by this promise.
His crossdressing has increased lately. Now he shaves his legs and armpits and wears women's underwear and pantyhose under his clothes for work. He does not wear a bra. I have agreed to this...just praying he doesn't get into an accident or something to be found out. (plus, I of course don't want him to have an accident for his health either!)
I am so very, very afraid that this is just getting bigger and bigger. He said that he is more content than he's ever been, that just dressing in women's underwear relieves the "urges" a lot. I'm afraid that it is making them worse. I dread the day that I find out he has been crossdressing in public. I cannot silence these fears.
One other problem...every since he started shaving his legs and armpits I've found that I cannot seem to participate sexually with him. It is a turn off for me. I've tried to talk myself out of feeling this way, but those smooth legs and arms just bother me sexually. I am attracted to manly men, and this is so feminine. I don't like it.
My question...what do I do? I find it difficult to tell him that he can't shave and paint his toenails and wear women's underclothes after I've given him my agreement to these things. It wouldn't be fair.
And the big question...I've read the answer but need to hear it again. He says he in NO WAY wants to become a woman...but I'm so scared. I'm scared he's going to tell me some morning that he wants to become a woman. Is it possible that just dressing as he is will be enough for him? I can't bring myself to go shopping with him or to see him fully dressed. I just know it would be bad for me to see. So I never have. Is that wrong of me?
I feel like such a bad wife. Like I'm not accepting him for who he is...but I just can't seem to give more ground where this is concerned. He says he's very happy with the way things stand. Will it stay this way or will he want to increase the cross dressing?
Sorry that I've rambled on so much, but I have so many fears and worries.
Thanks for any response.
Di