How do you stop psychoanalyzing yourself?

[Cheryl T]

If you've come out then you most likely have accepted this part of yourself.
If that's the case then stop thinking about it and enjoy it. Be happy that you've resolved an issue that so many fight with for many years. I know I am in that happy place now that I've come out (8 years ago). No more guilt and shame, just the joy that I can be who I am without regret.

[Foxglove]

Aria, you'll have noticed that a number of people on this thread have advised you not to think about these things. When people tell me that, "Don't think about it," it always makes me mad.

Why? Because everybody on this forum agrees that we need to be ourselves, we need to be what we are. Well, that's one thing I am: I'm the sort, I like to think about myself, to try and understand myself--mainly because there are certain things about me that I don't like, and I'd like to know where they come from. So when people tell me, "Don't think about these things," they're telling me not to be myself.

It's everybody's choice: you're the introspective type or you're not. If you are, there's nothing wrong that. But as I've learned myself, there are profitable and unprofitable ways of thinking, and it's certainly good to be able to distinguish between the two. Look at Raquel's post:

If you're inclined to over-analyze yourself (and everything else) like I am, I don't think that's something you can really stop doing. But at a certain point it becomes just a fancy way of feeling sorry for yourself, and that's a waste of time and makes you miserable.

You just have to realize what you're doing. Some self-analysis is good, but a lot of times you're not really accomplishing anything. And sometimes you can convince yourself ridiculous things and go in the wrong direction.

I think everything here is spot on. So if you're the introspective sort, go for it. For your own sake, though, it would help to learn how to go about it properly.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Ariamythe]

But people often like to complicate things. It's another form of flattery. "See how complex a person I am!" Nietzsche said something like, "There are people who like to muddy their waters in order to seem profound."

I se where you're coming from. I don't think this is me. I just am one of those people who wants to understand where things come from. I want to know whether these feelings are legitimate, or whether they're just the remnants of a lonely fat kid who didn't get along with other boys and who got confused when his fat started moving into his chest.

[Ariamythe]

If you're going to lay on a couch and seek counsel try to figure out why you're going in the first place. Are you there to get rid of self loathing? Or, are you there trying to figure out how to cope with other people's problems of non acceptance?

I've been playing out conversations with a therapist in my head -- How will I phrase it? How will he react? -- and I think the answer might be that I just want to be able to tell someone who's in the room with me. Someone who knows who I am. I thought coming on the Internet and letting myself "be" would be helpful, and it has, but there's still not a soul in the world who knows both me and him-me. Which means I'm just in the closet in a different way. If I could tell someone, then someone would know. Does that make sense?

And a therapist can't tell anyone, so that's something.

[Foxglove]

I se where you're coming from. I don't think this is me. I just am one of those people who wants to understand where things come from. I want to know whether these feelings are legitimate, or whether they're just the remnants of a lonely fat kid who didn't get along with other boys and who got confused when his fat started moving into his chest.

Now, Aria, I didn't say this was you. I said it was some people. Believe me, I totally sympathize with you in your efforts to understand yourself. One reason I've never gone to a shrink is that I figured nobody could understand me.

[Ressie]

I've read quite a few self help books throughout my life. Finding the right book that makes sense can be enlightening. One message I've found is to forgive yourself as well as forgiving others. Also live for the moment, be here now. Thinking about the past brings on guilt, and thinking about the future causes worry. The present is the only thing you really have.

But I do think about my past to try to understand if I was influenced by others to be a crossdresser or if it's just me. My conclusion today is it's just me and I know I'll be much happier if I accept it.

[sometimes_miss]

I never stop; I keep looking for new insights into who and what we are, and why. For me, the whole 'I was born this way' concept doesn't fit me at all, and I'd wager that it probably doesn't fit a lot of others, either. But trying to figure out exactly what influenced us to be what we are, well, that can be a lifetime project. Took me decades to figure out what I know now, and I certainly don't know everything yet.

[lynnmcarthur]

My own journey involves a lifelong attempt to understand. I am diagnosed, eligible for transition but staying where I am. Acceptance and not feeling like I need to defend who I am was a big step forward. In some ways it is like the engineers said above. Here we are, no need to feel guilty or ashamed so what is problem?

[Ariamythe]

Now, Aria, I didn't say this was you.

Sorry. Got my forward defensive shields at full power, I guess.

[Ariamythe]

I've read quite a few self help books throughout my life. Finding the right book that makes sense can be enlightening.

I generally loathe self-help books. They always sound so pretentious and know-it-all. And usually spiritual, which doesn't do anything for me.

One message I've found is to forgive yourself as well as forgiving others. Also live for the moment, be here now. Thinking about the past brings on guilt, and thinking about the future causes worry. The present is the only thing you really have.

Thanks. It's good advice. I'll have to try.

[Beverley Sims]

After reading the posts here I have decided to give up and find another interest.

[Frédérique]

How do you stop psychoanalyzing yourself once you come out?

[SIZE="2"]You could try transcendental meditation, but the prefix trans- might set you off again… [/SIZE]

[Ariamythe]

[SIZE="2"]You could try transcendental meditation, but the prefix trans- might set you off again… [/SIZE]

[CassandraSmith]

Ariamythe,

I just wanted you to know that this ability over-think when channeled can be a good thing. If you're in IT as a software developer like I was, you can make a pretty good living. What I found interesting when I went back to school in 2003 to pursue a masters in counseling was that this type of analyzing has almost no place in the therapy setting. Ironic isn't it?

Cassy

[Cassandra Lynn]

I began my cyber education roughly 3 years ago, and even tho i have pretty much found myself it's always nice to stay in the loop.

This 'thing' is a progression, a journey if you will, and to go back to the water metaphors it ebbs and flows, so yeah, you'll keep right on learning. As you've noted already, you were just going thru a rough stretch, give it time, relax and soak it all up.

I think the biggest share of the long term membership here (and other forums are just the same) come around for the fellowship and giving back.

I go thru times where if i think if i see one more panty thread or first time shaving thread, i'm gonna go round the bend, but it passes.

I sometimes read thru the endless, dead-horse 'what am i?' threads now and just enjoy the spirited debate more so then learning anything new, but it is what it is i spose.
I learn more nowadays when i follow some of the trans-activist/sociologist bloggers. There are some actual highly educated trans people out there in cyber space who really know a thing or two.

[Ariamythe]

.
I learn more nowadays when i follow some of the trans-activist/sociologist bloggers. There are some actual highly educated trans people out there in cyber space who really know a thing or two.

I've been looking for such sites. Who would you recommend?