Good question Paula!
When I wa a younger I repressed, I dated a girl who "turned me out" I think it was fetish related then as she wanted me 24/7 female. We broke up, I never thought about it much until my ex wife. She supported the lingerie due to her dominant ways, and underdressed ensured in her eyes I wouldn't cheat.
During my current marriage, I confessed about underdressing from the waist down, see my signature for full details, and most recently had a moment of self awareness that correlate my behavior to my fem time. So I would say within the last few months, I realized this was who I was and I wouldn't be able to escape.